40 is the new ... answer to everything

I'm back. It was touch and go. I'm not sure if leaving the country was the most stressful experience of my life so far, or whether it's pipped to the post by returning, but suffice to say I'm now an expert on the difference between PCR, Lamp, rapid antigen, lateral flow, passenger locator forms and the specific batch of Astra Zeneca made by the Serum Institute that you may need to worry about (it's the one I had first of course).

I was tempted to write about what I learnt on my holiday, since nothing much seemed to be happening in the news and then, all of a sudden, there was a flurry of ridiculous activity so it's back to the usual drill. Enjoy.

Lessons Learnt

I've been doing it wrong. For the last six, no, maybe seven years, I've been busting a gut to try to improve opportunities for women at work. (Yes, WOMEN. I know it's politically incorrect and divisive and all that but I freely admit it, I have focused on women).

You name it, I've tried it. I twittered (until I realised Twitter was mainly for people to be rude to each other), I wrote a book (back in print!), ran events (in the days when "events" were a thing), entered and won Diversity & Inclusion Awards (even though I am heartily sceptical of the whole awards jamboree), wrote rambling articles on LinkedIn (managed to get myself named as a "Top Voice") and even resorted to teaming up with my mates Stephanie and Melinda to help establish what are essentially specialist recruitment companies.

And now I find out that all I really needed to do was find 40 friendly clebs and get them to spend 40 minutes doing a bit of mentoring, and the world would follow. Everyone would follow their lead, the barriers women face would come toppling down and all would be fair and equal. Happy Days. Thanks to the Duchess of Sussex for setting me straight.

The Fly in The Ointment

Is that I don't know any clebs. Not real ones anyway. My husband does, but then it would look a bit wet having to go through him wouldn't it. And anyway, that would eat into the allotted 40 minutes. So instead, and in case the same applies to you, I've put together this handy guide which sets out 5 things you can do to help a woman who has lost their job through the pandemic get back to work.

Such as:

1. Buy someone a copy of "She's Back: Your Guide to Returning to Work" by me and?Deborah Khan ?Back in print now. ￡9.99. Does what it says on the tin. Time to do - 5 mins??https://lnkd.in/gJEcZp3 ?

2. Find your Head of Recruitment (they may have a fancy title like "Talent Acquisition") and tell them to carve out at least ONE job and make it open specifically to someone returning after time out. Time to do - 30 mins. (If they come up with objections send them to me and I'll deal with them).

There is more. Click on the link. Or come up with your own ideas and add them to the comments.

A Poor Imitation

Actually, back to that video of Meghan and Melissa McCarthy, do you think Melissa McCarthy was pretending to be the Queen when she turned up in the flowery dress and hat with a china cup in hand? Are you allowed to imitate the Queen? Doesn't that count as treason? Isn't it a bit rude?

In any event, I didn't think it was a very good imitation, she was much better as Sean Spicer, Donald Trump's press secretary.

An Apology to Donald Trump

Speaking of which, I realised this week we were all a little harsh on Trump when he came up with his own way of counting votes and, as a result, declared himself the winner of the 2020 election. Cue lots of approbation and ridicule.

Well, turns out this is a common thing in America where, according to most of the media, the USA is at the top of the medals table. Whilst the rest of the world focuses on who has the most golds (putting China right up there), in America, what counts is the total medal count. Who knew.

Toms Triumph

No, I'm not missing an apostrophe. I'm talking about the point, quite early on, when it did seem as though you needed to be called Tom to win a medal for Team GB. Toms Daley, Pidcock, Dean and McEwan all gave us reasons to be cheerful. And then others joined in the fun. There were some familiar names but, for me, this Olympics has, in some senses reminded us what the Games are supposed to be about.

Seeing people win medals in lesser known (and even lesser funded) sports like BMX, canoeing, triathlon, taekwondo and the like, knowing they've dedicated years and years of effort, is just so humbling.

My highlights would be:

• Mixed 4 x 100m swimming medley relay. I mean, did you see it? Talk about exciting. What an innovation. More please.
• Tom Daley. Not his knitting, wonderful though that is, no, his win. At every one of his three previous Olympics he'd been in the news during the run up, touted as one of our stars. This time, it was as though the press had written him off. Luckily, he hadn't. And what a moving speech. The thought, when I was growing up, of an Olympic champion giving an interview saying how proud he was that his husband and son could witness his success ... well, it would have been inconceivable.
• Keely Hodgkinson. 19 year old who no-one had heard of (probably did her a favour) winning silver at the 800m.
• Dina Asher Smith. She pulled out of the individual 200m race to protect her hamstring so that she could help the rest of the team in the 4 x 100m relay. They won bronze. That is sportsmanship.
• Laura Kenny. Wow. Just wow. And she's a mum too.

Not So True to the Spirit of the Games

The rowers didn't exactly cover themselves in glory did they. I'm not talking about the lack of medals despite ￡26m in funding (compared to the ￡0 that Charlotte the BMX rider made do with). I'm talking about the sniping between individuals past and present after the event. Not pretty.

The International Olympic Committee aren't exactly beacons of light either. Otherwise, why award the TV coverage to the highest bidder, leaving most mere mortals to scrabble around on YouTube to catch the odd event.

And what's with the Russian ban? I thought Russia was banned because of doping? You can't ban a country and then let the athletes come and compete under another name, can you? And it's not like they called themselves something original, like "The Cossacks" or even "The Superhumans". No, they go by the name of Russian Olympic Committee. I am completely confused as to why the IOC would let this happen. Unless, for some reason, money is involved ...

A Cop Out

Bet you're glad you're not involved in the COP26 summit. What a fiasco. Just when Boris's mate Allegra Stratton tries - gamely - to raise awareness by telling everyone to do their bit by not rinsing plates before putting them in the dishwasher (did someone not tell her using an old fashioned washing up bowl would be even better), we find out that the government is about to give the green light to a new oil field off Shetland.

Allegra also explained why she won't be trading in her diesel for an electric car and suggested people who really care about climate change should join the green party. I'm getting a sense she either didn't read the job description or perhaps - and I'm just taking a wild guess here - was gifted the job without a proper interview because of who she knows. Just a guess.

Gavin To the Rescue

Finally. We knew it had to happen one day. Gavin Williamson has nailed the problem with our education system. Levelling up is guaranteed. He has pinpointed the solution. Teach Latin in state schools.

Am I the only one feeling underwhelmed? Why is this man still in a job?

Toxic Frogs

This is in no way linked to the previous paragraph about Gavin. I am not drawing any parallels between this story and our politicians.

This is a picture of a golden poison frog. It is one of the most toxic animals on earth: causes paralysis and cardiac arrest. But not to itself. It has an antidote to its own nerve agent. Handy.

I read: The Death of Vivek Oji Amongst other books. Do yourself a favour. If you've ignored every other recommendation DO NOT ignore this one. It's also beautifully narrated if you like an audiobook

I watched: Snippets of the Olympics when I could find them, usually after I'd found out the result from a Sky News alert. Irritating.

I listened to: Everyone around me talking about wattage and gears and kms and PBs and various other things I don't a. understand or b. care about. We did a lot of cycling on holiday. The men and some women take it very seriously. For Alex and I it's all about the frothy beer at the furniture shop roundabout.

Whatever you're doing this summer, I hope you're enjoying it. And I've heard there's a vaccine programme that's doing its job.

Onwards team. We've got this.