40 lessons for myself on my 40th birthday

Atnre,?

This is 39-year-old you with some words of wisdom ahead of your birthday tomorrow.

I know it is very millennial of me to give 40-year-old you advice given the many unknown dynamics you will deal with during the next decade of your life.

And yes, it is an incredibly long list!?

But I feel the last decade has been a powerful one, and it has given me some depth from which to share some advice and aspirations for your forties.?

During my thirties, I became a father to three beautiful children after several years of miscarriages and stillbirths. I have launched and grown businesses alongside my wife and life partner. And I have experienced serious pain, loss, and grief.?

So, the thirties have given me great conviction, clarity, and nuggets of wisdom. I hope you continue to return to this list throughout your forties and beyond. I also anticipate that some of these points will give you a chuckle in hindsight.

Here we go:

1. Don't let it linger - address issues early, don't let things fester, and do the hardest things first. Be proactive.
2. Prioritize your comfort - don't feel guilty about doing what's most convenient and comfortable for you and your family. You're too grown to put yourself in situations that don't serve you or meet your standards. Don’t just get by. Take the extra time to create ideal conditions for yourself.?
3. Stop skipping sleep - put the phone down and close your laptop. We're aiming for a minimum of eight hours of great sleep every night. And stop getting on your phone in the middle of the night, too!?
4. Rest just because - make time for more massages, mid-day naps, long baths, vacations, and unabashed acts of relaxation. You don't need to have an excuse or to be recovering from an injury to take it easy.?
5. Call it out - correct that person who mispronounces your name, meet that microaggression with a fiery retort, speak truth to power, and say it with your chest.
6. Treat yourself - You’re in your forties now. Spend big on those things and experiences that you really value. Don't skimp on quality and shortchange yourself. Ramit Sethi style!
7. Stretch it out - I need you to commit to a daily practice of stretching after all those poor posture years in office chairs. We're prioritizing mobility, flexibility, and core strength this next decade. Embrace your ergonomics era.?
8. Decide once - As Tim Ferriss (see here), Jessica Eastman Stewart (see here), and others have said, make the one decision that cancels the multitude of decisions. Set some rules, routines, and non-negotiables and hold to them. So much can be complicated about life; find ways to make things more effortless.
9. Time for 10x - Toni Morrison published The Bluest Eye when she was 39 and Song of Solomon when she was 46. The average age of founders of the highest-growth startups is 45. You're only now entering your prime, and it's time to go hard for your 10x goals and create your legacy.?
10. Pray incessantly - you know the power of prayer, and you know how much is out of your control. Pray more and complain and worry less.???
11. Protect your peace - you can care about politics, injustice, and the pain and plight of others without letting it consume you. Find ways to protect your peace, divest from drama, and unplug from all the noise.?
12. Be bolder - go grandiose or go home. Be bigger in your ambitions and the actions that will help you reach them. Take up space. Don’t shrink or settle for the small stuff.?
13. Trust your gut - your instincts and intuition are well-calibrated at this point. You are wiser than you have ever been, and you can thin-slice situations accurately. Trust your experience and God-given discernment. Don’t waffle in your decision-making.?
14. Shock yourself - challenge yourself to do things that you never imagined you'd be able to do or that you were simply too afraid to try (like surfing!). Learn jiu-jitsu, run your first marathon, pick up a new language, or do ballroom dancing along with the kids.?
15. Reject the limits - you’re going to hear a lot of jokes or comments about the things you can no longer do and the aches and pains you will feel when you turn 40. You can respect the unknowns of aging while also rejecting the pseudoscientific notions of what is possible for you.??
16. Ignore the noise - continue to ask yourself at the end of each year about which activities or stressors were the biggest wastes of time for you that year. There is so much noise on social media and the 24-hour news cycle. Be highly selective with your attention and time.?
17. Find your people - you know enough now to recognize the frenemies, the fakes, and what Adam Grant calls "takers." Stay clear of them! Surround yourself with people who sharpen you, are authentic, and are aligned.?
18. Know your worth? - raise your prices and then raise them again! Protect your intellectual property, be choosy about who you will do business with, and continue to invest heavily in your personal and professional development.?
19. Get your bag - you've used up all of your pro bono, perpetual volunteer, “doing it for exposure,” not-for-profit credits over the last two decades. It's now time to accelerate your financial independence and wealth-building efforts.
20. Slow your roll - strive for the “ruthless elimination of hurry” and create space for “slow productivity.” You have big goals but you do not have to do it all at once. Pace yourself!?
21. Smell the roses - with all of your many pursuits and the initiatives you manage, do not forget to appreciate the beauty and blessings all around you. Get yourself into nature regularly, create time for “blue mind,” and remember to breathe!
22. Keep it romantic - don't let the daily demands and routines kill romance and spontaneity in your marriage. Continue to cultivate the strength and health of your relationship. Keep that fresh, fun, and forever love burning!
23. Eat less meat - I know you’re a meat and potatoes kind of guy, but let’s work on incorporating more vegetarian and vegan options in your diet.?
24. Skip that meal - no, you do not want that breakfast sandwich at 12:48 am on your red-eye flight. You absolutely do not need that 9 pm snack you think you must cap your night off with. Give your digestive system a break, bruh!
25. Hear your body- it's time to hone your ability to hear what your body tells you after your younger years of recklessness.?
26. Don't stop believing- you've gotten here by trusting God and taking giant leaps of faith when you had nothing. Don't get complacent, cautious, or conservative after the many miracles you've experienced.?
27. Give their flowers - so many beautiful people have mentored, supported, loved, and inspired you. Let the world know their names, give them accolades, and find ways to honor them while you still can.?
28. See the world - always have a trip booked that you are looking forward to! Continue to explore the world with your family and expand your horizons.?
29. Never late is better - Go to the airport early. Book longer layovers. Build in buffers. You have no more time or tolerance for running frantically to catch a plane or zipping through traffic to make appointments.?
30. See the doctor - I know you hate taking medicine or going to the doctor, but it’s time to stay updated on your medical checkups. Prevention is better than cure.?
31. Be there -? you've come a long way from the early thirties when you were taking work calls at the hospital right after the birth of your first child. But continue to make it a priority to be there — in body and mind —for the many critical moments for your family. Do many more of those daddy/daughter or daddy/son trips. Create more lasting memories.?
32. Brace yourself- you naively felt fairly invincible at times in your thirties. Yet, you never expected to experience war or the pain of losing loved ones. Prepare yourself mentally, spiritually, and logistically for the unexpected over the next decade. Have your plans and contingencies in place.?
33. Keep writing - keep putting “pen to paper” and getting your thoughts out into the world. Great things happen when you write. Cordon off large blocks of time for daily writing.?
34. Make it happen - there is a reason this is one of TeenSHARP’s core values. Continue to build beautiful things from the ground up without asking for permission or establishment support.?
35. Release the pressure - Regularly look for ways to reduce unnecessary pressure at home and work. Quit something. Change the timeline. Consolidate, optimize, or reconfigure. Reduce your expectations. Say “no.”
36. Give grace - you are going to drop balls, have false starts, make epic mistakes, lose focus, and feel you lack the energy at times. People around you will disappoint you and mess up as well. Give grace to yourself and others.?
37. Save your stuff - you need to set up a much better system for knowledge management and capture. It is even more important in this age of Artificial Intelligence. Follow the Tiago Forte Building a Second Brain method to organize your digital life early before you find yourself struggling to find precious information when you need it later.?
38. Be consistent- be sure to maintain the values, the integrity, and the foundational habits that brought you this far.?
39. Press play - Play basketball. Play the bass guitar. Play Nazar’s Cards. Play music and dance with the kids. Play more, and it will keep you joyful, youthful, and peaceful.?
40. Stay humble - Use the lessons you have learned, try your best, and recognize how much you are yet to learn, experience, and understand.?