40 fo 40: Limitations

I turn 40 years old in 40 weeks.?I'm using this as an excuse to reflect on (what I hope is) the first half of my life, capturing 40 lessons learned as I count down to my birthday.

Today I'm thinking about limitations, and the paradox of freedom from imposing limits on oneself.

My Limitations

I injured my back in the Marines at 20. Since then I've managed occasional flare-ups that incapacitate me for days at a time. The pain is chronic, but pretty low level. It's rarely so bad that I can't do most activities. That basic functionality allowed me to convince myself that I was still healthy. I just had to be a little careful.

That first major injury was half a lifetime ago. And my identity -- as a healthy & functional guy -- stuck for many years. I didn't want to acknowledge how I was aging, and what that meant. In other words, I wasn't ready to accept any limitations on my life. I worked hard to strengthen my core, which reduced the frequency and intensity of my back injuries. I saw this as getting stronger, not working around my limitations.

Earlier this year, my back flared up in an entirely new way. I was doing weighted lateral lunges when something popped in my lower back. If you have serious back problems, you will understand how scary this can be. I wasn't able to stand straight up and when I tried to walk it off, I collapsed like a rag doll. Pain hit me in larger and larger waves until I broke out in a cold sweat and almost passed out.

After a half hour of awkward hopping and shimmying, I made it upstairs. My wife and I were both freaking out as we drove to the urgent care. It was game over for me. I was already planning for weeks in bed, rescheduling meetings, and how we would take care of the kids. And after all this, what was the doctor's diagnosis? Some kind of pulled muscle. Nothing catastrophic as I had feared. I had to alternate heat and cold therapy, stretch regularly, take non-steroidal anti-inflammatories, and ease up in the gym.

The real diagnosis is "I'm getting older." And the real intervention is "accept my limitations."

I'm a slow learner. Two weeks ago I was doing heavy bench press. I unracked the weight, stabilized it over my chest, and began to lower the bar. I hear -- and felt -- a rrrrrrriiiiiiippppppp all along the left side of my chest. I reracked the weight and sat up. The pain began to build slowly around my armpit, and I immediately Googled "what does a pec tear feel like?"

Armed with some basic knowledge, I went home and started icing the injury. The earliest appointment I could get for an orthopedic physician was the next day. Again, I went to a dark place in my mind. I prepared myself for the worst case scenario of surgery plus 4-6 months of painful rehab.

It turned out that I hadn't torn off either tendon, so surgery wasn't required. I had enough range of motion to focus on -- you guessed it -- heat and cold therapy, regular stretching, anti-inflammatories, and less intense exercise.

Yet again, the real diagnosis is "I'm getting older." And the real intervention is "accept my limitations."

Accepting Limitations

Limits used to be scary to me. I used to think about getting older, and I would shudder as I anticipated the aches, the pains, the sagging, the stretching, and the general degradation. What I've found is that, in practice, limitations can be incredibly helpful. In particular, limitation breed creativity and mindfulness.

My exercise routine would be unrecognizable to my 21 year old self. I spend at least 10 minutes warming up, often longer. "Working out" is now a series of heavily modified exercises that are based on what body can and cannot do. Then there is yoga or stretching, sometimes both.

In an hour of exercise, I might "work out" for 30 minutes or less. That's what it looks like for me to accept my limitations. I'm still consistent, but that might mean going for a long walk. Let the next generation throw out their backs in an attempt to break a personal record.

Embracing Limitations

I used to love traveling for work. Travel offered the prospect of a new adventure, with the added bonus of being funded by my company. It was almost too good to be true. Now I hate traveling for work. I much prefer being at home with my wife and kids, and try hard to minimize travel. This is a self-imposed limitation.

I do the same thing with my social life (such as it is). I rarely travel to see anyone. I've used COVID as an excuse to reconnect on the phone with my closest family & friends on a regular basis, generally 1-2 times per month. By embracing a limitation on travel, I actually ended up deepening my longest-lasting relationships.

I also stopped taking most introductory calls. There must be a compelling reason for me to add another new person into my network. Again, this has the paradoxical effect of focusing me on what I'm trying to accomplish with the people I trust and admire. The limitation frees me to live a better life.

Long-term Limitations

My range of possibilities will continue to shrink in the years to come. At the same time, I'll also come up with new, creative ways to accomplish meaningful goals with good people. It's kind of a dance between the two forces: one contracting; the other expanding.

Which one will dominate? I'm an optimist. I believe humans are capable of incredible feats at all levels, stages, and abilities. I watched my grandmother, 70 years old, widowed, and blind, live independently for over 20 years with no help except for a woman who came once a week to bring her groceries. She worked within her limitations but they did not define her.

May we all live that way.