These 4 words Will Fix Most of Your Problems

I have a lot of anxiety. I know on the Internet I come off as cool, calm and very tall, but it’s true. I am an anxious person. I like to say, “I have the fears of 10 men.” Despite that, over the years, I’ve learned a few tools and ideas that have helped me turn most of that fear into creativity.

How have I written 10 books?

I have a lot of anxiety. I turned it into creativity. The books followed.

One of the things that’s helped me the most is using true words. Here’s an example:

Don’t say, I’m a perfectionist. Say, “I’m afraid of failing.”

Don’t say, I’m a procrastinator. Say, “I’m afraid of starting.”

Don’t say, I’m a control freak. Say, “I’m afraid of the unknown.”

Once you say it out loud you can deal with it instead of hiding behind a label.

It’s like getting diagnosed with a disease. Once the initial shock and sadness dissipates, we all say roughly the same thing. “Now that I know what it is, I can fight it.”

The same is true of our fears. When we give them cutesy names like “perfectionism” they almost sound like a character trait, not a crippling fear. It reminds me of what you say in a job interview when they ask what your weaknesses are.

“My weaknesses? I’ve been accused of being a bit of a perfectionist. I CARE TOO MUCH. I have been known to go the extra mile too often. I also “over volunteer” for shelter puppies, specifically Welsh corgis. Those are my biggest weaknesses.”

But as I’ve said before, “Perfectionism is just fear in a tuxedo.” It’s a poison that pretends to be a vitamin. At least it’s making an effort though. Procrastination doesn’t even try to sound good. And the second word in “Control Freak” is “Freak.” That can’t be positive.

Why don’t we just say, “I’m afraid of _____” when that’s what we really mean?

I think most of us don’t even know we have the permission to use those words. Four years ago, I grabbed coffee with a friend of mine named Ben. I asked him how his day was going and he said, “Today I feel really sad.”

That hit me like a bolt of lightning. You would have thought he said, “Today, I saw Bigfoot. He’s not as blurry as you’d think.”

When he said, “Today, I feel really sad, ” my immediate thoughts went in exactly this order:

1 “Whoa, are you sure we’re allowed to use the ‘S word?’”

2 “Ben is really brave.”

3 “Wait a second, I’m sad too.”

I had no idea those were words I could say. A few weeks later, I told my counselor that story and he said, “How in the world have you made it through 45 years of life without feelings?” I replied, “Sarcasm.”

One of the reasons, we don’t say “I’m afraid of ____” is that we think it makes us look weak. What’s funny though is that when someone else uses those words, we all have the same response I had with Ben, “That person is brave.”

When other people share their weaknesses with us, we think they are strong.

When we imagine sharing our weaknesses with other people, we think we’ll look weak.

So instead, we hide them behind words like, “Procrastination, Perfectionism, Control Issues, People Pleasing and Overthinking.” Years ago, I got tired of the labels. I stopped accepting I was an “overthinker” and instead started asking questions like:

“Why am I overthinking this situation?”

“Why am I accepting all this overthinking?

“What am I afraid of in this moment?”

Then I started answering those questions:

I am afraid of making a decision.

I am afraid of making a decision, because what if I make the wrong decision?

I am afraid of making a decision, because what if I make the wrong decision and can’t make another one?

I hid in overthinking because then I’d never have to make a decision. I couldn’t make the wrong decision if I never made a decision at all. But everyone knows that “no decision” is a “decision” and sometimes it’s the “worst decision.”

When I admitted my overthinking was just a fancy form of fear, I could deal with it. That’s the power of saying true words.

The only fears you can fix are the ones you admit.

Check your labels today.

Listen for the labels that you’re using in conversation.

“I’m not a detailed person.”

“I’m not a big reader.”

“I’m not outdoorsy.”

“I’m terrible with directions.”

I bet you’re using more labels than you can possibly imagine. The next time you hear one, pause for a second. Is it true, that thing you just said? Or is it just a way to cover up a fear? If it is, say you’re afraid.

“I’m afraid of ____” are four of the most powerful words in the world.

Jo

P.S. If you want to deal with overthinking, I wrote this for you.

(I wrote this for my free newsletter, the “Try This!” Sign up today to get ideas just like this, twice a month. www.Acuff.me/newsletter )