4 ways to stop people from talking .

I am sitting in A&E with Nate who has dislocated his knee. We are waiting for an x-ray to confirm that we can go home and everyone around us has suddenly become very friendly. This old man with a Wiley Gandalf beard sat down next to me five minutes ago and hasn’t stopped talking about his life of motorbike accidents. I am a huge fan of listening but if I actually play back what he is saying to me he will never stop talking.

So I have reverted to messaging on the phone and writing this blog. I have totally chosen to ignore him and killed all of my soft skills - but sometimes you have got to SHUT IT DOWN!

So this mini-blog is all about how to shut things down. Here are my (slightly fraught and exhauster) thoughts on to deal with people who won’t stop talking.

1) Set the ground rules.

If you are asking people to give an update tell them how long it needs to be?and tell them you will stop them at that minute. It’s kindness to the room and kindness to them.

2) Give them a half time warning.

When I coach people I always set timed exercises. If I am asking for people to do a 2.5 minute talking exercise I let them know I will tell them when they are half way through. Rarely are we given boundaries around talking. Most people don’t know what it feels like to speak for 2 minutes, or 30 seconds. But it’s really important to know what. So set a time limit and let them know when you are half way through

3) Give good feedback.

You need to have a language of accountability before you ask people to be accountable. Once you have created the ground rules above, you can start to give feedback on their time keeping and storytelling. This is your language. The feedback is about timing, not how bad they are at speaking. If you bring gentle challenge on timing it opens up a conversation about expectations. And setting expectations gives you hope and a framework.

4) Use a story framework.

Once you have the time framework then you can have a story framework - I use, for example the Hero’s Journey and I use this to make sure my clients are speaking in story and not waffle. I ask the following questions: Who is the hero in the presentation? What is the dragon they have to slay? What is the weapon you will give them? What is the treasure they get after slaying the dragon? If you ask people to present with that framework in mind they will always present with more story and picture and emotion. And picture and emotion are the glue of story. And if you are getting the person to speak in story then you are getting closer to them being easy to listen to.

But all of that is useless for me right now! I have to go back into A&E and brace myself for the onslaught of never ending stories. Lots of nodding and no eye contact. That’s all I can give him ...