4 Ways to Stop Letting People Walk All Over You at Work
Melody Wilding, LMSW
Author of MANAGING UP & TRUST YOURSELF | Award-Winning Executive Coach to Sensitive Strivers | LinkedIn Top Voice | Professor of Human Behavior | Keynote Speaker | HBR Contributor
?FREE TRAINING: "Stand Out Self Promotion: Earn $100k More & Become Your Boss’s Go-To (Without Burning Out or Selling Your Soul)". October 29th at 12pm ET. Click here to save your spot!
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How do you stop letting people walk all over you at work? In today’s professional world, there are constant deadlines, new demands, and rising expectations.
This means that as an accomplished professional, you probably spend most of your day fighting off requests from other people. They want your time, energy, and expertise. And since you’re a loyal team player, you’re happy to provide help.?Perhaps you’re also the last one to leave at the end of the day and the first one to take on new responsibilities.
While caring about your work is great, giving too much can deplete you quickly and veer into people-pleasing ?territory. As a result, you may think people take advantage of your kindness and commitment. You may feel overwhelmed, overworked, and unappreciated for all of the extra support you provide.
Signs of People-Pleasing at Work
It’s admirable to be a pleasant co-worker or a leader who lends support, but putting other people first all the time can often have a negative impact on your professional happiness.
People-pleasing is a sign you have a strong desire for approval from others and have low regard for yourself.
Signs of people-pleasing at work include:
How to Stop Being a Pushover at Work
Here are steps to try to break the people-pleasing cycle.
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1. Name your underlying fear.
Typically, people-pleasing is the flip side of tremendous strengths like sensitivity and commitment. Your intentions to help may come from a good place, but it’s important to own up to the fears that are driving your “need to please.” Do you fear rejection? Failure? Simply putting a label on your fears can reduce their power over you.
2. Get radically honest about what people-pleasing is costing you.
Ask yourself if the payoff of always being the likable or dependable one around the office is worth the consequences. Agreeing to every request can not only wear you out, but it also undermines your personal integrity. You may find yourself carrying out ideas you don’t truly believe in.
The ability to assert yourself appropriately, take pride in your ideas, and prioritize your own needs can help you excel in your career.
3. Teach others how to treat you.
If you don’t value your time, no one else will. Instead of making yourself overly accessible, put boundaries in place. Push back against unreasonable requests and learn to say no.
Privately rehearse responses like, “I have a big deadline approaching, and I’m completely focused on that. Try asking Angela for help,” or “I can work on that after I complete this report.” You may also want to consider establishing time frames. For example, “I am free to help on Tuesday from 10 AM until 12 PM.”
Practicing phrases like these will make turning down a project feel much more natural, which can alleviate concerns about damaging your relationships.
4. Do the opposite.
If jumping in to help is your default response (even when it’s counterproductive or self-sabotaging), borrow a psychological technique known as “opposite action”. “
Opposite action” is exactly what it sounds like. It involves redirecting unhelpful responses to healthier behavior by doing the opposite of what our emotions tell us to do. If your urge is to step in and mediate every problem, do the opposite by coaching people to take ownership of solutions themselves, for instance.
Striving to make everyone happy all of the time is not sustainable. It might be possible in the short term, but ultimately, the only person you have complete control over is you. Make yourself your first priority, and you’ll be happier in your work and a better professional for it.
?FREE TRAINING: "Stand Out Self Promotion: Earn $100k More & Become Your Boss’s Go-To (Without Burning Out or Selling Your Soul)". October 29th at 12pm ET. Click here to save your spot!
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3 周Great post Melody. Reformed people pleaser here. I have found that people really respect honesty and whilst they might resent boundaries its usually the best for everyone involved. Far better than hiding how you feel or burning out.
This is great
Dad1 in Chief | Humanizing LinkedIn | Building A Foundation Of Kindness Brick By Brick? | Antagonizing The Status Quo | The Majority Goes Left, Do What's Right
3 周It's easy to fall into the trap of people-pleasing, but finding that balance between kindness and self-respect is key.
Fractional Chief People Mover | For Leaders & Parents Who Want to Thrive Without Crashing | Simple Shifts to Imagine More, Become More
3 周Constantly agreeing to others can be draining. It's worth thinking about how often you’re sacrificing your own beliefs and needs just to keep the peace.
Harvard MBA.Executive Leadership Coach. Helping high performing women elevate their career. 25+ years in global companies and 4 countries. Successfully pivoted careers 4 times-Finance, Hospitality, Consulting, Coaching.
3 周You’re speaking truth here, Melody Wilding, LMSW. Prioritizing your own goals while still being there for others is a fine line to walk. Setting boundaries is empowering.