4 underrated emotions (from Brené Brown's book) - Ségolène Levelut

I've always had a fascination for everything tabou, everything complex and everything human. Which leads me to a longtime fascination for the human brain and the range of emotions that we get to experience through life.

But we have been at war with our emotions for so long. We have labeled them, divided them between the 'cool' pack and the uncool ones. Why is that?

While I may not have the answer to this question (yet), what I'm looking to convey here and share with you is why ALL emotions are useful through a selection of 4 of them I have defined as "underrated" emotions.

I'm basing my research on Bené Brown's book "Atlas of the Heart", a journey through 87 of the emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human.

1. Regret

"The idea of 'no regrets' doesn't mean living with courage, it means living without reflection. To live without regret is to believe we have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with our lives." Brené Brown

When reading this passage for the first time, I took a picture of it and shared it with my friends. Here's why I'm fascinated by what the author put into words: so many of us always try to move on from past mistakes with that simple sentence "no regret".

Don't you regret hurting that person? Don't you regret messing up? Don't you regret that thing you said? Don't you regret passing on that opportunity? Don't you regret not being kind to that kid at school or kinder to yourself? Come on, we all have regrets and they're actually healthy.

Regrets have the power to make us reflect upon ourselves, to make us grow, to make us learn and make us change (yes, we do can change if we're willing to). Living without regret is not bold, it is not brave or courageous, it is rash. So hold yourself accountable and own your regrets (with love). If you think you're being wise by saying "no regrets", think twice.

2. Anger

"Anger is a catalyst. Holding on to it will make us exhausted and sick. Internalizing anger will take away our joy and spirit; externalizing anger will make us less effective in our attempts to create change and forge connection. It's an emotion that we need to transform into something life-giving:courage, love, change, compassion, justice." Brené Brown

Hallelujah! As anger might be considered a secondary or indicator emotion, it is a pretty good start. We often portray anger as being a negative emotion. Although it is true holding on to anger for a long time is not sustainable, giving ourselves the right to be angry and giving a space to that anger is critical.

Anger can seem like a difficult companion to live with, because anger is not meant to stay. Anger is a fuel, it's an energy you get to transform into something more meaningful. It is a powerful emotion we should all be attentive to, because it tells us something bigger about what is going on inside of us.

Pain, disappointment, grief, betrayal... More emotions come with anger. So whenever you feel angry, just stop for a second and do an emotional check-up with yourself. Then ask yourself, what actions can I take to make things better? Anger is your friend.

3. Boredom

"Boredom is your imagination calling to you." Sherry Turkle

We often say "time flies", except when we're bored. Being bored can get very frustrating depending on how much control we have upon the situation. Have you ever been bored in a waiting room and started being irritable because you feel like you're losing your time? We've all been there.

Many situations and places can leave us with boredom: a meeting, a classroom, chores, traffic.. But boredom isn't always bad. In fact, boredom allows a lot of creativity to surface. I'm finally finishing this article only because I got bored during my day. And a lot of my writings and inspiration come from moments of boredom.

Why is that? Because when we feel bored, our minds have the freedom to wander and play. This is when creation happens because actually, our minds never get bored and never get rest. Give yourself a break and see what happens!

4. Confusion

"'I need time for my confusion'. Confusion can be a cue that there's new territory to be explored or a fresh puzzle to be solved." - Adam Grant

I probably say "I'm confused" ten times a day. There's a lot of power in knowing what you don't know. And confusion is actually fundamental for learning.

"To be effective, learning needs to be effortful. That's not to say that anything that makes learning easier is counterproductive- or that all unpleasant learning is effective. The key here is desirable difficulty. The same way you feel a muscle 'burn' when it's being strengthened, the brain needs to feel some discomfort when it's learning." - Mary Slaughter and David Rock with the NeuroLeadership Institute

Confusion can lead to motivation, deep learning and problem solving. To get there, there are steps to be taken: stop, think, engage in careful deliberation, develop a solution and revise.

Confusion can also be overwhelming if you do not know where to start or if the confusion is too big. If so, you can seek help and remember: you have to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.