4 Tips to Overcoming Fear of Failure

It happened during my first year of college.

Big dreams, in a new city, all by myself. 

My first encounter with fear of failure.

I had accepted a scholarship that covered all 4 years of tuition fees with the condition that I maintain an annually increasing grade point average.  

That condition put the fear of failure deep into my heart and soul.

I didn’t have anyone supporting me financially (that’s a long story). And I had bought into the belief that getting a higher education was the only way I could get a good career and make decent money (another long story).

So it felt like this was my only chance at having a future. That the difference between succeeding and failure was just one percentage point.  

It was a do or die moment for me.

If I had the self-awareness to be honest with myself at that time, I would have recognized that I was more motivated to avoid failure than I was motivated to succeed. Because at the root of it, my fear of failure was actually a fear of shame.

The Ugly Side of Fear

Fear is an abstract collection of sensations and perceptions that tell us that something is threatening. It’s quite hard to define because the feeling is like a shape-shifter that transforms depending on the circumstances.

Everyone experiences fear in different ways, since everyone is afraid of different things. It affects us differently, we experience it differently, and it never wears the same mask twice.

The true inherent danger of fear is that it can play with our emotions and challenge our perceptions.

If you think of absolutely any time that you felt fear, you will notice that there is a theme.  You become afraid when you encounter things and situations that you don’t understand, can’t control, or will harm you.

This is a natural response because you also have conditioned fears that are formed when you have a negative experience and are afraid of something similar happening again.

The interesting thing is, you’re easily conditioned to fear the things that you’re told are negative.

In other words, your fear of the thing can be programmed in you even before you experience the thing itself. 

Someone just has to tell you bad things about it.

The Good Side of Fear

You may have heard that the best things in life are on the other side of fear.

This means that it’s not fear itself that you need to be afraid of, but how you carry the fear.

Fear will always be a part of your life, but it doesn’t have to be in the way that you may think.

For example, if you feel fear as you navigate a new career path, it’s a sign that you are onto something visionary and game-changing. 

Otherwise, it would just be status quo since the status quo isn’t scary at all.

Consider this:  What if you turn fear into a motivator? 

How different your life could be!

The Truth about Your Fear

Your fear is always about what may happen in the future. But that future has not yet happened.

So that means your fear is always about that which does not currently exist in the moments you feel the fear.

Taking this a little further:  Since your fear is about the non-existent, then your fear is 100% imaginary.

Fear is just an unrealistic expectation based on an imbalanced perspective.  It is simply your assumption that as you imagine the future, you will experience more pain than pleasure, more negative than positive, or more loss than gain.

The truth is that fear puts boundaries around you.  But it’s because of fear that you build boundaries all the time.

The world never truly provides the imbalance you perceive. 

It doesn’t have a negative without a positive.

If you put boundaries and restrict a certain area of your life, you may be safe, but the problem is you are safe even from life itself.

So the boundaries you build are preventing you from having the life you want.  So long as you live in fear of a negative without a positive, you will be immobilized instead of going forward in pursuit of your life’s mission.

You must decide whether you want to experience life or to avoid life. 

Whether you want to put more experiences in your years or just worry about how many years of experience you have.

Time is the currency of experiences.

If you're going to experience something, it's going to take time and a sense of aliveness.  

The moment you put up boundaries in fear to protect yourself, you won’t have that sense of abandon that’s so magical to feel the joy that always rides beside you along the journey.  The fear and the boundaries blindside you to the beneficial opportunities.

Steps to Overcome Fear of Failure

1. Reframe It

By looking at a situation you’re dreading differently, you may be able to avoid the stress and anxiety you’d otherwise be creating. 

Ask yourself the following questions and observe the answers:

• Am I actually in danger?
• What is fear trying to tell me?
• What are other possible outcomes that are positive?
• What’s the worst that could happen?
• If things remain as they are, how would I feel?

2. Take Action

Good change only happens when you take that first step. Once you get going, momentum builds and you end up with outcomes you never thought possible.

You deserve to live a life of fulfillment.

Sometimes that means taking action in a direction that you fear the most, knowing that it is what you need to do.

There will always be challenges in life, but using fear as your guide and feedback channel rather than treating it as your enemy will change how you tackle those challenges.

3. Live in The Present

You can plan your tomorrow but you cannot live in your tomorrow, or else there is fear.

Come down to reality and just respond to what is there right now and not imagine something that does not exist. Then there will be no room for fear.

Take a moment every day to reflect on things you are grateful for in the present.

Practice focusing on feelings of gratitude, and the fear will disappear.

Because fear and gratitude simply cannot co-exist.

4. Worst Case Scenario 

Play a game to entertain that part of your brain that’s imagining the dangers. 

Make a list of all the worst case scenarios of your situation and ask yourself how likely each is to happen.  Get a second opinion if you find it hard to be objective about the math.

Entertain the list worst case scenarios, and write down all the things you could do to prevent each failure from happening. 

What would you do to repair your situation if your worst case scenario happened?

This exercise is kind of like a thought experiment that will put things into perspectives that serve you towards your meaningful goals.  You might realize the deeper causes of your fears, and more importantly the truth of what you value.

We cannot solve problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. -- Albert Einstein

You cannot conquer fear from a place of fear.

Instead, get to know it, appreciate it for what it is and does for you, then take actions that lead in the direction of love and fulfillment.

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