4 things that self-respect has taught me about relationships

3 Reasons Why You Should Read This Article

1. It’s a Reality Check on Relationships This article offers a way to step back and look at your relationships through a lens of self-respect. It encourages you to pause and ask if the connections you’re nurturing truly serve your growth—or if they’re holding you back from fully respecting yourself.
2. It Puts You in the Driver’s Seat of Your Emotional Health Instead of following someone else’s playbook for what relationships “should” look like, this article gives you the tools to assess what you need from a relationship to feel valued and secure. You set the standards, so you build a stronger foundation of trust within yourself.
3. It’s Like a Compass for Self-Worth This article is about tuning into your self-worth and using it to guide your choices in relationships. Rather than accepting outside opinions as your truth, you’ll build a sense of worth that directs your path—letting you navigate relationships with clarity and confidence.

P.S. There is a free download at the bottom of the article (direct download, no email required).

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Introduction

I’m writing this whilst en route to New York on the 18 hour long haul. Fun times.

After a snooze and some Chinese noodles, I decided to dive into one of the hundreds of movies available.

My partner loves action movies - fight scenes that go on for days and a predictable plot. I do NOT like these movies - and spoil them for him because I tell him exactly what’s going to happen next while proceeding to tell him how I would have written the movie better (because clearly I’m now a professional screenwriter). Or I tell him how fighting for that long is not physiologically possible.

He, on the other hand, tells me that unless I am learning something from a movie, I don’t want to watch it.

I’ll agree with that.

So when I saw the documentary about the incredibly fascinating and highly misunderstood icon Elizabeth Taylor, I was in like Flynn.

She is, among many things, known for her many marriages (eight, including twice to Richard Burton). She loved being a bride.

After her final divorce - she hit rock bottom. Pills and booze got her through the days, albeit barely, until her family and friends gave her an ultimatum - rehab, or good luck.

It was during rehab that she realised one of life’s great ‘slap-in-the-face’ moments. If you’ve had multiple and repeated failed relationships, the only common denominator is you.

I had exactly that slap-in-the-face moment several years ago. After bitching and moaning about ‘yet another failed relationship’, a friend conveyed that exact lesson to me: maybe it’s you, boo.

While I wish that could have been a Hollywood lightbulb moment, it took years to dig myself out of that hole and finally realise something simple yet profound: respectful relationships are only possible when you respect yourself first.

And of course, while relationships will never be cut-and-dry simple, in both life and business, self-respect has helped me navigate their twists and turns with a little more sanity.

So I thought I’d share some lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Four Lessons, Four Questions

Here are four things that I’ve learned along my life’s path when it comes to self-respect and relationships, in both my personal life and professional career. I’ve also included some open-ended questions to get you thinking about how you see yourself and your world around you.

1. A lack of self-respect convinces you that words are more important than actions.

When you don’t respect yourself, you cling to the words you want to hear, even if actions don’t match. Self-respect reminds you to look past sweet talk and see what someone actually does. Actions reveal intentions and commitment far more than words ever will.

Question: When someone’s actions don’t align with their words, what do you think it reveals about their intentions?

2. Love without self-respect will make you blind to game playing.

“They didn’t really mean it,” or “they’re just busy and stressed right now.” Have you used those excuses as well? Without self-respect, it’s oh-so easy to ‘play it safe’ rather than speak up and question what’s really going on. Self-respect doesn’t make it easy, but rather easier to see the mind games for what they are - and walk away.

Question: What kinds of “games” have you overlooked in relationships, and how can you use this information to better prepare yourself for future game playing?

3. A lack of self-respect makes you think you need to change who you are for love.

It’s tempting to twist and reshape yourself to fit someone else’s expectations, thinking that the “perfect” version of you will finally make them like you. But the minute you do this, you start losing yourself bit by bit. When you respect yourself, you recognise it’s not a bonus when someone cares for you when you’re at your worst, but rather a given.

Question: Do you find yourself ‘modifying’ who you truly are when it comes to one person, but not with another person? If so, what’s the difference between these people?

4. A lack of self-respect makes you believe that their opinion of you is more important than the opinion you have of yourself.

Have you ever replayed someone’s feedback in your head? Did you let that define and shape you? The great thing about self-respect is that you realise their opinions are a reflection of who they are and how they see the world around them, not who you are.

Question: How would your life and relationships change if you valued your opinion of yourself more than anyone else’s, even those closest to you?

Concluding Thoughts

God I love self-respect - what an undervalued skill it is! It really is so helpful to understand that while love and attention from others can be beautiful, your fabulousness doesn’t hinge on it.

At the end of the day self-respect is not:

1. Waiting for someone to like you back or
2. Pretending to not care when they don’t like you back.

Self-respect is wanting someone to like you, feeling hurt, sad and even angry when they don’t but most importantly recognising that their lack of love for you never ever makes you unlovable.

And in that, there’s a beautiful truth: the love you offer to yourself is the love that will guide, shape, and enrich every connection you have with others.

P.S. I have a self-respect poem that people seem to really enjoy and benefit from - I have it as a printable download (along with my seven non-negotiables for self-respect). You’re more than welcome to grab it here - no email needed, direct download.?

???? Hi there! I'm Katherine.

I challenge leaders to take bigger risks by letting go of the imaginary judgement and criticism that holds them back. My talks focus on leading more authentically and wearing our masks a little less, so we can take those scary steps that truly propel our careers and businesses forward—without worrying about looking ‘stupid’ if we fail or mess up.

Want to want my new video and learn more? Head over here!

If this sounds like a topic you might like to explore for your future events—so your audience can drop their acts and make a bigger impact within their professional careers and organisations—I’d love to hear from you. (I’d also love to hear from Chris Hemsworth, but that’s a story for another day).

?? Website - www.drkatherine.com

?? Email - [email protected]