4 Things Not to Say to a Depressed Person

Chances are, you know someone who is suffering from or has suffered from depression. When you are dealing with someone who is depressed, it’s hard to know what to say. No matter how good your intentions are, some suggestions or comments can do more harm than good.

When offering support to someone with depression, your words and actions can have a tremendous impact.

Here are four things you shouldn’t say to someone with depression:

1.?But you don’t look depressed

Depression affects people differently. There is no special face to depression; even a smiling face might be hiding serious anxieties behind it.

The reality is that many people hide their mental illnesses under a mask of happiness. Some may not feel comfortable revealing how they truly feel; others might do it as a coping mechanism.

Their perfect look should not be a measure of underestimation of their mental health.

Try Instead:?I’m sorry that you’re hurting. I’m here for you.

2.?Move out of it

That’s not helpful. Obviously, they can’t get out of it, or probably they would have done so by now. That comes out very harsh and a little judgmental.

It is never easy. Someone can’t just wake up and decide not to be depressed anymore. It requires work, dedication, and time.

Having depression is different from having a bad day. We can all bounce back from a bad day. A person with depression may need treatment for weeks, months, or years before they feel well again.

Try Instead:?“I know it might take time to feel better, but there is hope.”

3.?It could have been worse

Comparisons aren’t helpful. Telling someone, ?“things could be worse” only lets them know they cannot open up to you about what they are going through.

Whatever has occurred has already occurred in the worst possible way; do not simplify the situation with your wisdom. Because to the depressed individual, it can’t be worse. Their mind has convinced them that this is as bad as it gets.

Try Instead:?“What you’re going through is real. It’s okay to ask for help. Is there something I can do to help right now?”

4.?I understand what you are going through

Although this statement is empathic and meant to help the depressed person feel understood, it can backfire.

If you haven’t been depressed, you probably don’t understand what the person is going through, and even if you have been critically depressed, what it felt like for you might be different from what it felt like for them.

Try Instead:?“Help me understand.”

Final Thoughts

Compassion and the simple act of listening can make such a huge difference for someone with depression. If you are at a loss for words, simply tell them that you do not know what to say. Most importantly, do not judge them. Do your best to let them know you will be there for them and that they are not alone.