The 4 Strategies People Use to Get You to Say "Yes"

As you may know by now, if you've been following me or subscribed to my newsletter for a while, I teach a lot about setting and enforcing your boundaries. While one of the things that I teach is that boundaries are not just about saying "no", we can certainly outline what we are able to do, or not do, and ensure that others respect our time, space, and values in ways that do not involve using the word "no."

The fact remains though, that there are some who will try to get you to say "Yes" because it will serve their own purposes, even if it doesn't serve you. To be fair, sometimes people do this unintentionally and are not even aware of what they're doing; that doesn't make it any less important for you to be able to realize when it's happening, so that you don't unwittingly end up in situations that you would otherwise have avoided. So here goes...

1. Bullying

Sometimes bullying is obvious, especially if the bully is using aggression or being mean. But sometimes it is more insidious. For example, a colleague might constantly interrupt you during meetings, undermining your confidence and pressuring you to agree with their ideas. The thing is that most victims of bullies will acquiesce to the bully's request in order to avoid confrontation at that moment or in the future. Recognizing this tactic is the first step in standing your ground and not letting a bully dictate your actions.

2. Whining

Whining is another common strategy. By whining, they are betting on the fact that chances are they won't have to ask for help outright because it will more than likely be volunteered. Imagine a friend constantly complaining about their workload, hoping you'll offer to take some of it off their plate. Your best response to a whiner is to change the topic, showing sympathy and suggesting another solution (that doesn't involve you!). This way, you acknowledge their feelings without taking on their burdens.

3. Guilting

Guilting is a powerful tactic because no one wants to feel guilty about anything. We sometimes feel guilty and are so caught up in that feeling that we don't think it through and realize that we actually have nothing to feel guilty about. Guilt trippers often use words like "always" or "never." For instance, "You never help me with my projects" or "You always let me down." Your best response? Remind them of the times that you have been there for them and stick to your guns about your decision. By calmly asserting your boundaries, you help them see that their guilt-tripping won't work.

4. Feel Good Sandwich

The most insidious of all these strategies I've listed is the "feel good sandwich." Basically, they compliment you so that you feel flattered, and then they go in for the kill, asking for your help or whatever it is that they need from you. Because of that warm, fuzzy feeling that they've elicited within you, you're especially likely to blurt out a "yes" without even thinking about it. To avoid this, take a moment to pause and evaluate the request, regardless of the compliment. Ask yourself if it aligns with your priorities and boundaries before responding.

I want to be absolutely clear on the fact that just because someone uses these strategies, it doesn't automatically make them a bad or manipulative person; it's just that these strategies have often worked for them in the past. Also, to reiterate, some people don't even know that they're using these tactics to get what they want.

In recognizing these strategies, you empower yourself to maintain your boundaries and make decisions that truly serve you. Remember, it's okay to say "no" and to prioritize your own well-being. You deserve to have your time, space, and values respected.

Stay empowered, stay aware, and keep those boundaries strong.

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I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Have you encountered any of these strategies in your own life? How did you handle it? Let's keep the conversation going in the comments.

Dr. Lesley Reece is a physician, life coach, writer and speaker. She teaches female entrepreneurs how to navigate a life well-lived through avoiding burnout, recognizing their self worth and enforcing their boundaries. Learn more about Dr. Lesley by visiting her website, www.lesleyreece.com, or you can contact her at info@lesleyreece.com.