4 Steps to Leaving Your Emotional Baggage Behind, Even if You Don’t Think You Have Any

Are you “over your ex,” but you’re still having trouble connecting with new people and you can’t put your finger on exactly why?

If so, you’re not alone. I help my clients look closely at their emotional baggage to make sure we address any specific issues that may be holding them back and this is a big one that comes up time and time again. But emotional baggage isn’t always what you think...

Consider the term ‘baggage’--it is difficult to carry anything else if you are already holding on to something--and the heavier it is, the less space you have for new things in your life. If you are too overloaded,?you literally cannot move forward.

Even if you believe you are ‘over’ your ex, you still may be carrying some emotional baggage from the relationship with you.

Are you really over that ex?

Do you have some leftovers, or emotional baggage from the past that are holding you back from success in finding love? Almost everyone has some baggage, however, some singles carry heavy loads from one person to the next and end up?sabotaging themselves?without even realizing it.

When you do realize you are carrying emotional baggage from past relationships with you, the real work begins.

You need to let go and lighten that load.

This is the only way you can open up space to move forward and attract what you?do?want next.

Even if you know for certain that you don’t want to pursue a relationship with your ex, if you don’t face the issues from the past, you won’t be able to move on in a meaningful way--in other words--you won’t be able to find a meaningful relationship. But maybe you don’t realize you’re still carrying baggage...

Baggage isn’t always what you think.

Baggage can be both positive and negative. People with “positive baggage” look at their past relationship with rose-colored glasses and forget about the parts that weren’t so ideal. They tend to compare all their dates to their ex.

Those with “negative baggage” focus on the opposite and have issues being able to open up to others, trust others or even imagine that the same issues won’t occur again.

Both cases need a way to learn from the past, let go of the past, let go of old patterns and move on to new relationships and have very clear that their new relationships are different from those in the past and must be created and treated accordingly.

Is emotional baggage holding you back?

Still don’t think your emotional baggage is holding you back?

Have you…

• Looked up your ex on social media in the past few months?
• Held onto any old pictures or mementos shared from your time together?
• Called or texted them to see how they are doing?
• Ever caught yourself comparing a new possible partner (in a positive OR negative way) to an ex (superficial or serious)?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, or even if you had to think twice to be truly honest with yourself, you probably have some emotional baggage to let go of… And that’s ok and perfectly normal.

To be able to recognize this is a huge step in the right direction and will help you lighten the load to be able to stop feeling stuck and start feeling like you can really move on with someone new.

Leave your emotional baggage behind

Here are 4 steps to leave your emotional baggage behind...

1. Cleanse your space and get rid of any emotional triggers.

It can be hard to move on when you are constantly reminded of your ex, so go through your home, car, office and anywhere else important to you and remove anything that brings up any strong emotion (positive or negative) about an ex.

This includes (but is not limited to) old pictures, gifts, key chains, postcards, jewelry and anything else that you look at and reminds you of another person or the time you spent together and should be cleaned out.

Removing these triggers will help you heal instead of constantly reopening wounds.

2. Learn to look at your past relationship objectively.

Sometimes the further we get away from something the harder it is to remember the flaws and the things that did not work. There was a reason things did not work out--it’s called a breakup because something was broken.

Try asking friends who knew you while you were in the relationship what they remember about it. You may be surprised by their answers. You may find that friends found your ‘perfect’ ex controlling, bossy, unreliable or even downright mean. Getting a reality check from friends can help you gain perspective.

The same goes for those who have negative baggage from their ex. Yes, maybe things ended badly but your friends may also remind you that your ex also pushed you to try new things that you otherwise wouldn’t have. Learn to look at your ‘failed’ relationship as a learning experience instead of a failure.

3. Release your emotions.

Try to take this time to heal by doing things that can help release your emotions like high energy exercise, walking in nature, dance, music, painting or even?meditation.

Then, write some letters to your ex in which you express all your emotions. DO NOT mail the letters, they are for you to release your emotions ONLY.

4. Reassign the blame.

Who do you blame for the relationship ending? It is not helpful to blame your ex for what went wrong or blame yourself, saying it was all your fault. When you blame yourself you hold on to sadness. When you blame your ex, you will be holding on to anger and bitterness. Instead, blame the relationship itself.

Practice saying and accepting that the relationship ended because it didn’t work out and that no one is to blame. This will release the bitterness, sadness, and/or anger that you may be holding on to.

Moving on can be difficult but first you must recognize the baggage that still has a hold on you and then you can learn to release and let go to be able to be present and move forward to find new love. It is closer than you think.

Find the right partner

Ready to finally leave your baggage behind and start a new life chapter and find the right partner for a new relationship? Use the steps I shared about to help you start to actively search for love and finally have the life you’ve always dreamed of.

If you know you’re ready to get the support you need to succeed in finding love again,?I’d love to invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation with me.?My tried and tested programs have helped hundreds of singles find their success match.