The 4 step formula to release your Anger

Anybody can become angry-that is easy; but?to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way-that is not within everybody's power and is not easy. Aristotle's statement was one of the first mention about Emotional Intelligence in the History.

We must have heard people saying "my Anger is really bad", "Oh, you don't want to see me Angry", "once I loose my temper, I am a different person". If you can not control your Anger, and you end up lashing out, throwing stuff, becoming a different person altogether, then you need to work on yourself. This is not a behavior to brag about.

Here are the 4 simple (but not easy) steps to release your anger.

1. Name : Naming the emotion or the exact feeling is the most difficult task out of these. And anger is only at the superficial level. If you think. that you got angry because the other person did not give you the way, in spite of you honking several times; was that the only reason for your anger ? or were you pre-annoyed because you started late from the home by skipping your meal to reach earlier and now you can not even reach earlier because the person is not giving you way. Even if it is our fault, we love to hold others accountable for it. We are not really angry with ourselves, or probably we are, but we don't do anything about it. Hence, naming the exact emotion and reason is very important.
2. Aim : Once you name the emotion and the reason, you have to aim. Now, this step is a bit confusing. How will you aim for your anger? You won't. You have to aim for the root cause of your anger. Whatever triggered you, or made you annoyed at the first step, aim for that. For eg. You knew you had to be somewhere at a specific time, you still chose to spend time on your phone, looking at redundant apps which took your major chunk of time. Then once you realized that it is late, you skipped some of the essential/important tasks, like wearing the clothes in a right way, freshening up, working out, or even having meals and you left. And now, you are sulking on the way. Hence, aiming for the root cause will help you get closer to the goal of releasing anger.
3. Claim : Third step is claiming why are you angry. Does it mean that you are actually angry at yourself, for not being ready on time and now not being able to reach also in time? And you are looking for someone else, or some other reason to blame it on, so that you can feel better. If you are saying," hey, come on! I don't do such thing". Just think a little harder, and be honest to yourself. You will get an answer. Hence, claiming the responsibility is really necessary in order to release your anger.
4. Tame : Now, that you have successfully completed 3 steps, it is time to move to the 4th and final step. You need to tame the anger. Most of the time, you will end up finding your shortcomings related to your anger, but just in case, you still have anger left, here is the final step. Had you been wronged by the person you loved, or cheated by the person you loved or even fooled by someone close to you, the anger will not easily subside.

Here you need to release the anger in 4 ways.

Physically: No, you do not have hurt them physically. Go for a walk, and then if you feel angry, start running. Of course, you need to aware of the facts related to your health and the surroundings. Once you start running, the chain of reactions results in an?increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing rate. The changes are similar to when you are fighting too, only in fighting, you get hurt too. If you are angry and running, your anger will be released and with every exhale you also need to feel it. The step really works. If it is a long kept anger, start running.

Emotionally: This is a bit tough, but try thinking that they person may not have caused you trouble knowingly, probably the person was in their own insecurity and pain, which needs to be addressed by themselves, but you getting hurt, was the byproduct of the event.

Psychologically: Every individual has some neglected, repressed feelings, traumas, unmet needs from the past, which make them a different person altogether. For eg, if a person 'hates' your dog, they are not really hating your dog, they feel that for every dog, probably they got bitten by a dog, and have a developed a phobia, which is hard to get rid of. There are a lot of psychological issues, behavior, moods, which can be managed in better ways.

Spiritually : A lesser taken path is towards spirituality. Here, you forgive the person for what they did to you. You remember every bad thing with each inhale, and forgive them with each exhale. So, that you can live your life peacefully. As Sadhguru says, if you are angry with someone, it is like, you expect them to die, when you have drank the poison.

Anger is only at the surface, deep down, it is always something else.

Think about it, when you have some alone time.