4 Simple Steps to Solve Any Problem, Achieve Any Goal, and Create the Life You Actually Want (part 1)

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Over the next few posts, I’m going to teach you?exactly how to get everything you want.

Solving ANY problem. Achieving ANY goal.

All the work I do with my clients. All the work I have done on myself.

Everything comes down to these 4 steps.

Here are the only 4 things you need to do to get?anything?you want.

1. Diagnosis:?How did your thinking create the current situation?
2. Brainstorm:?Play time! What else could you?possibly?think here?
3. Implement, one half:?How can you build?real, bone-deep?belief?in that new way of thinking?
4. Implement, other half:?How will you?react?when your old thinking pops up again?

Let’s demo this with a super simple example.

Let’s say you want to lose weight. You went out for dinner with your friends, and you?planned?to have fajitas and one glass of wine. Healthy but still satisfying.

But then when the day came, you did NOT follow through. You ate all the chips on the table. Then the deluxe quesadilla. And two margaritas. And you wrapped it up with chocolate-stuffed churros.

(This is 100% a real story by the way. From me. Many,?many?times ??)

How do we apply our 4-step process to this situation?

Let’s start with?Step 1:?What was I thinking that created this situation?

To figure this out, we’re going to break this situation down using?the self-coaching model, where we figure out:

Circumstance:?What are the cold, objective facts of the situation?

Thought:?What do I think about those facts? (pick 1 sentence)

Feeling:?How do I feel when I think that? (pick 1 feeling - one word)

Action:?What do I do & not do when I feel that way?

Result:?What is the effect of my actions on me?

So far, we know?the facts?(I was at a Mexican restaurant) and?my actions?(what I ate), but we don’t know anything else. So my partially-filled-out model looks like this:

Circumstance: went to dinner at Mexican restaurant

Thought: _________

Feeling: _________

Action: have chips, quesadilla, two margaritas, and churros

Result: _________

Let’s fill out the rest of it! It’s like solving a really simple equation, step by step.

First, let’s work backward from Action to Feeling. Remember, all your actions are driven by your feelings. So what was I?feeling?that made me want to eat that food? I was feeling?rebellious.

So now we have:

Circumstance: went to dinner at Mexican restaurant

Thought: _________

Feeling: rebellious

Action: have chips, quesadilla, two margaritas, and churros

Result: _________

Cool! Now let’s back it up one more step. Remember, your?feelings?are generated by your?thoughts. What was I?thinking?that made me feel rebellious? I was thinking,?“Screw the plan, I deserve to have fun.”

So now we have:

Circumstance: went to dinner at Mexican restaurant

Thought: Screw the plan, I deserve to have fun.

Feeling: rebellious

Action: have chips, quesadilla, two margaritas, and churros

Result: _________

Okay! And what’s the result of this line of thinking? What is the effect on me?

Circumstance: went to dinner at Mexican restaurant

Thought: Screw the plan, I deserve to have fun.

Feeling: rebellious

Action: have chips, quesadilla, two margaritas, and churros

Result: I screw my goal and miss out on the fun of achieving it

Super interesting diagnosis of my situation!

The root cause here is?not?that I don’t have enough willpower. Or that Mexican restaurants are my kryptonite. Or that “I just can’t do this.”

The simple, clear root cause of my actions is that one sneaky little thought: “Screw the plan,?I deserve to have fun.”

Let me say this again:?The restaurant did not create this situation.?The problem here is NOT that I went to a place that serves quesadillas. (And therefore the solution is NOT “stop coming here.”)

The only thing that created this whole situation is my thinking.

The facts are?neutral. Sitting in a building, looking at a piece of paper that says “quesadilla”?does not make you think or feel or do ANYTHING.?Only your brain does that.

And my brain’s line of thinking here is very interesting! Because now I’ve uncovered?my brain’s default definition of “fun.”

Apparently, my brain has decided that:

• Quesadillas, margaritas, churros, and throwing away my plan = FUN
• Fajitas, one glass of wine, and following my plan = NOT FUN

Well, if this is the logic currently running in my brain,?then of course I did what I did!?It makes total sense! There’s nothing wrong with me. I just did a thing that made total sense?within my brain’s current belief system.

We’ve basically popped open the hood in my brain, looked at what’s inside, and made note of?what programming is currently running.

(And this?is?just programming — just a?story. This definition of “fun” is?not?a fact. It’s just a thing my brain made up. I can change it anytime.)

Now, notice what I’m NOT doing here, as part of step one.

I am not judging the current programming — positively OR negatively.

Because guess what? The current programming is?also neutral. It’s just what I happen to think right now.

When you do a model like this, I want you to imagine yourself as?a scientist in a lab, watching with curiosity, noting down observations, and saying things like, “Fascinating! This behavior is just fascinating!”

Don’t judge your brain. Who cares? What’s the point? It just?is what it is?— no point in getting all worked up about it.

Instead,?get nerdy about your brain. Get SUPER curious.?Be?endlessly fascinated.

Watch it like an anthropological explorer observing a remote tribe that’s never had contact with anyone else.

“Wait, WHAT do they do? And what’s the reason? Wait, and what’s THAT thing? What about THAT? This is nuts! Tell me more!”

There is simply?no need?to slip into “good and bad” framing.

Do NOT tell yourself, “My current thinking is so stupid. I need to improve my mindset. I have to change asap. I can’t believe I think that.”

You are NOT here to pass judgment on your poor little brain that’s just doing its best, okay? Your brain is basically just this guy. How can you get mad at this guy?

You are here to?learn about it,?be super curious, and?become its friend.

And I know we’re doing all this so you can solve your problems, achieve your goals, and build the life you actually want.

But let me tell you the the sneaky, secret side effect of doing this work:

You cannot be this curious, this fascinated, this interested in yourself…

Without also falling completely in love with yourself.

(Which by the way, is?always?the whole point. Remember? To be your own friend.)

(And yeah, we’re going to create?a life?beyond your wildest dreams?along the way. Pretty neat, right?)

Okay. Step 1 complete. We’ve figured out?why I did what I did. We uncovered?the thinking that’s driving my behavior.

And you might be saying — Okay great, but where’s the part where I stop doing that? Where I achieve my goals? Where I actually get what I want?

Don’t worry. That’s exactly what’s coming up next.

PS: Have a problem you want me to apply this 4-step process to? Submit it to the?coaching question box, and I’ll address it in a future newsletter / podcast / Instagram post :)

PPS: Want to break your situation down with the model? Use this cheat sheet.

PPPS: Don’t want to wait to learn this slowly over time? Want me directly in your ear, applying all of this STRAIGHT to your situation, in more depth, in real time, and helping you every step of the way? Then come talk to me, and let’s get started. Book a consult

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