4 Signs That You Are A People-Pleaser...and What It Costs

There is nothing wrong with being a kind, helpful colleague, right? After all, collaborative spirit and the flexible attitude of ''always ready to pull one for the team'', are some of the key qualities that companies look for in employees.?

''People-pleasing'' can be defined as putting others' wishes and expectations before our own needs and priorities. Kindness and generosity notwithstanding, there is a hidden, rather dear, cost to this widespread behaviour.

In our customer-centric culture, where we've been taught since day one that ''the client is always right'' and praised for consistently anticipating clients' needs, this may feel counterintuitive.?

After all, if the client is happy then we're happy, correct? Not necessarily.?

Whilst in the short-term bending over backwards may lead to client satisfaction, lack of clear time & workload boundaries between the parties can lead to increased stress, overwhelm and even burnout in the long-term. Consistently going above and beyond client expectations' basically sets a new threshold where the ''above & beyond'' becomes the new, expected normal.

Bear in mind I am not advocating mediocrity or flakiness in the slightest. There is a need for a culture shift however, where we strive for excellence within clearly indicated and mutually respected parameters. The challenge is that most of us don't respect our own boundaries - by responding to client queries over the weekend,?offering to work overtime to impress our boss, or praising a poor presentation of a colleague (who we don't want offend), our aim to please trumps, and we lose our unique opportunity for authenticity in these professional relationships.

So, are you a people-pleaser?

Most of us consider ourselves independent decision-makers who simply love to help, but here are the four signs that you may be actually in the people-pleaser territory. If you identify with any of the points below, check out my online masterclass on how to Free Yourself From People-Pleasing live next week, available on replay if you register prior.

1. You often lend a hand in new projects, or volunteer to help, even though your plate is already full.

It's wonderful to feel needed and to get involved when people need our help. You should however, ask yourself the uncomfortable question: ''do I have excess time & energy to contribute here?''

Hidden Cost: When you get your hands in too many pies, it is easy to lose sight of your actual priorities, which in turn may affect your effectiveness & performance. You can also put yourself in danger of overload/overwhelm and last but not least, you take away the opportunity from others to get involved and learn something new!

2. You prefer to grind your teeth, rather than make others uncomfortable by voicing your concerns.

Being amicable and ability to compromise are undoubtedly highly valued traits that we all look for in a co-worker, employee or boss alike. We should not however, confuse these traits with our right to timely voice our concerns or disagreement. We've all been in a situation where a new project from the leadership team leaves a lot to be desired, yet no one dares to speak up for the fear of backlash.

Hidden Cost: When you keep these concerns to yourself, others miss out on the opportunity for genuine growth and improvement of their project/presentation, or overall performance. There is a whole spectrum between being ''truthful at all costs'' and delivering constructive and considerate feedback to the right audience. It's not an exaggeration to say that ''yes'' culture promotes mediocrity and stalls innovation in the long-term.

3. When you say ''no'', you feel guilty afterwards. Or, you say ''yes'' out of obligation and then feel quietly resentful.

If saying no is really challenging for you, you may have an unresolved issues around fear of rejection or fear of failure. When we fear saying no to our boss or colleague, it rarely stems from the nature of this professional relationship (rarely are they actually that scary). More often than not, our need to please originates from our upbringing, our embedded beliefs around self-worth, and our perceived role in a potential disagreement. These are quite big pieces to work through, so we prefer to say 'yes', even if internally we are in disagreement.

Hidden cost: To put it bluntly, even though people-pleasing can help you get up on the ladder in certain cases, it can cost you your dream career and the opportunities to follow your passion and purpose in the long-term. Every time we say 'yes' when we actually mean 'no', we move away from our empowered and authentic self, both professionally and personally.

4. You prefer to do it yourself, rather than delegate.

This is a less obvious one, because the reasons why you're finding delegating a challenge may vary. You may be a perfectionist, fiercely independent or simply impatient to get things done (it'll be quicker if you just do it yourself, right?). If you are a new manager or a leader, acutely aware of your team's heavy workload, chances are that you do not want to inconvenience others by asking them to complete yet another task for you. The person you're about to delegate the task to, may or may not react favourably to your request. When you avoid this potentially uncomfortable conversation, you step into the realm of people-pleasing - prioritising keeping your team content, over what needs to get done.

Hidden Cost: When you avoid delegation, you fill your calendar with tasks which could be easily completed by someone else. This steals your focus, energy and time from strategy, long-term decisions and creative problem-solving.

Yes, it's time consuming to delegate and there is a high possibility that the task will be completed in a slightly different way that if you were to do it yourself. But, you're not ''inconveniencing'' your co-workers. As long as you are being reasonable with your delegation load, you're displaying authentic leadership and empowering them with your trust and opportunities to learn.

The subject of people-pleasing is of course a huge one, as it speaks not only to company culture and individual team performance, but is deeply linked to our upbringing, boundaries, values and self-worth.

What causes us to be people-pleasers and how can we shift our behaviour to a more authentic one? How can you get your time & energy back to focus on what actually matters to you?

If you often feel drained from trying to meet expectations of others,

join me for a free online masterclass on how to

FREE YOURSELF FROM PEOPLE-PLEASING

next Tuesday, May 3rd, at 12:30 BST.

Replay will be available for those who register for the event prior. I do highly encourage you to?attend the live session as there will be opportunities for Q&A and perhaps, even a surprise giveaway.

With warmth and courage,

Natalia

Life & Business Coach

RISE - A 90-Day Transformative Journey To Your Success, Income & Impact

Book a clarity call here