4 Rules for Healthy Tension at Work

My corporate roots lies in hotel revenue management where tension with the Sales team was common place.

They wanted the best deals to lure in the big clients, and we were there to make sure those deals didn't sink the ship.

It was a push-and-pull dynamic, a classic game of tug-of-war.

Here's the thing; as long as it remained as healthy tension and didn’t get personal, it was like a high-octane fuel for results.

What is Good Tension vs. Bad Tension?

A bit of tension in the workplace isn't a bad thing. In fact, it's essential.

In my revenue management days, this tension meant both sides, Sales and Revenue, pushed each other to think differently, find smarter solutions, and, ultimately, deliver better results. But the key was keeping it commercial. We argued numbers, forecasts, and strategies—not personalities.

When tension becomes unhealthy, it’s a different story altogether. That’s when things get personal—like when someone’s ego gets bruised. Suddenly, it’s not about what’s best for the business but who’s “winning” the argument. And that’s where things start to fall apart.

In meetings, it's a good idea to have some guidelines to operate by. The 4T's can help.

- Add them to your meeting invite

- Put them at the start of your PowerPoint

- Or post them on the meeting room wall

4T's to keep it taut, not tense:

Topic: Stick to debating ideas, strategies, and facts. If the conversation veers into personal digs or attacks, it’s a red flag. Redirect back to the topic at hand.

Talk: Give everyone a chance to speak up and share their perspective. Healthy tension thrives in an environment where ideas are challenged, not shut down. Ask questions, listen actively, and don’t shy away from tough conversations.

Temper: Ego battles have no place in a productive workplace. Remember, it’s not about who’s right; it’s about what’s right for the business. If you feel your ego flaring up, take a step back, breathe, and refocus on the common goal.

Try Using the redhead v bluehead approach to keep yourself on track.

Teamwork: Agree some ground-rules on how to handle disagreements before they happen. Maybe it’s a rule that says, “No interrupting,” or use an egg-timer for each person to speak for 2 minutes. These small boundaries can prevent things from spiraling.

Dealing with Unhealthy Tension

Now, if you find yourself in the middle of some unhealthy tension don’t just sit there and take it. Call it out for what it is, but stay calm.

“I feel like we’re getting off track and into personal territory—let’s bring it back to the numbers.”

You’ll be surprised how quickly this can shift the tone.

If the situation doesn’t improve, it might be time to involve a manager or HR. And if you’re the manager, step in early. Don’t let it fester. Reset the room, and remind everyone of the common goal.

Trust and Confidence

In my revenue management days, the power-struggle was exacerbated by trust.

Sales was well established and revenue management was new.

Our boss had an existing relationship with the Sales person driving confidence in their work. It made me feel inferior.

It shouldn't have. All it took was a few good commercial decisions and some time to establish personal trust. Take the time to get to know your boss and lean into your skills.

Pro-Tip: Find something to connect on outside of work. Do this with your boss and your colleague and you'll soon be soaring together.

In the end, tension in the workplace is like salt in a dish—just the right amount brings out the flavor, but too much and you’ll ruin the whole meal.

I hope you found this valuable. Repost if you think someone in your network could benefit from reading it too.

Oh, and before you go...

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