The 4 R's of Personalization: Lessons from the Store for the Fat

Have you ever heard of the 4 R's of personalization?

Probably not—I just came up with them last night. ??

A True Story from 2017

If you've known me for a while, you probably remember that back then, I was carrying around about 70 extra kilos compared to today. ???

When you're almost two meters tall and weigh close to 200 kilos, shopping for clothes isn't just inconvenient—it’s a real challenge. Most of what's on display in shop windows or online ads simply isn't available in your size. As a result, your shopping experience is completely different from the average person’s. You don't start by looking at what you like—you start by looking for anything that might fit. Store windows, display racks, online ads, or newsletters for someone my size? They were basically a waste of time.

The drill was always the same: walk into the store, flag down a sales assistant, and hope they could find something that fit. You usually bought whatever they found. Once, I went in to buy a white shirt for a friend’s wedding and ended up taking home a pair of camping shorts instead—because that was the only thing that actually fit. Those were tough times. No real selection, no understanding of my needs—just a desperate quest to find anything that worked.

A Paradise for Big People

America—now that’s a paradise for big people looking for clothes. For the first time in my life, I was the smallest size in the "King Size" category at a place like DXL Big & Tall. In 2017, my wife and I spent a week hiking and shopping our way through New York City. After countless purses, shoes, scarves, and other shopping sprees for her, I finally gave in and visited the DXL store in Manhattan.

Picture this: a guy in his forties walks into a store where, for the very first time, he’s looking at clothes based on what he likes, not just what fits. Because everything in the store actually fits.

Then, a salesman approached me—a guy half a head taller than I was, with a voice two octaves deeper than mine. He styled me up like one of those luxury boutique attendants would for their VIP clients. It was mesmerizing—especially because, for us big guys, it's rare to meet someone even bigger. And, of course, I’d never spent so much on clothes in a single shopping trip. I even bought a new suitcase just to bring everything back home.

They Knew Why the Club Discount Worked

Now, the key part of this story: that same salesman convinced me to join the DXL club to get some discounts and perks for future purchases. I signed up—and whatever magic he did after that, I’ll never know. But from then on, every time I went to the U.S., I visited their stores. I even placed several online orders despite the customs fees and VAT. Why? Because I was blown away by that first experience—that’s reason number one. And reason number two? I finally experienced direct marketing that felt truly personal. For the first time in my life, a clothing retailer understood me.

They highlighted products in my size (and let me tell you, the number of X's before the L can vary widely between brands, and they got that right). They featured brands and types of clothes that I’d bought before (in that first physical store visit!) and seemed to predict my preferences.

The first time I logged into their online store—about a year after that initial New York trip—I saw a list of products I’d bought. When I visited another DXL store two years later, this time between Boston and Denver in some small town surrounded by cornfields, they could tell me what I’d bought before and even suggested that the belt I was eyeing didn’t quite match the brown shoes they’d shipped me last December. They even had the same belt in a lighter brown, if that mattered to me...

I was floored. This was pre-Covid, and I’d already been working in marketing automation and personalization for years. But this—this was on another level. No one in the EU was doing anything close. We didn’t even have GDPR yet.

The Moral of the Story

Here’s a simple rule from this story—something to help you gauge whether your investments in personalization (or even loyalty programs) are worth it. What DXL Big & Tall taught me (and my colleagues at FrodX) is what I call the 4 R's of personalization:

Personalization starts by being able to Recognize a returning customer, Relate to them, Remember every interaction (across every channel), so you can ultimately Recommend the right things and actions.

First R: Recognize

Being recognized by a retailer as a potential customer is nice, but it's mostly a benefit for the retailer, not the customer. DXL, though, recognized me every time I showed up—whether online or offline, on their website, in their newsletter, or through Facebook ads.

My first visit to their store was just the entry point, but once I joined their club, they knew who I was and could start building my "customer genome." When I was browsing their website, they could show me what they had for me and remind me of what I'd previously bought. It was the same when I visited any of their physical stores. They recognized me—anywhere (omnichannel) and every time.

Second R: Relate

To relate means understanding your customer and their preferences—not just from past purchases but also in the context of their current needs. DXL gathered data from my previous buys and used it to suggest clothes that fit my style and needs. They knew which brands and styles I preferred and highlighted items that suited me in the right context. This gave me the feeling that they understood who I was and could predict my needs, wants, or intent. That's how you truly create a connection between a consumer and a brand.

Third R: Remember

DXL remembered what I’d bought, what I liked, and what I didn’t (returns, product reviews), and used that information for their follow-up actions—like the belt that matched my previously purchased shoes. Their memory wasn’t just short-term—it built over time, every time I responded to their emails, bought something online, or visited a physical store. It’s that long-term relationship that many companies overlook because it requires patient data collection, data hygiene, and building a customer profile over time.

Finally, R for Recommend

The fourth R is Recommend. This is the product of the first three R's. Based on everything they knew about me, DXL recommended clothes that were just right for me. Personalization culminates in offering the customer something that truly fits their needs. Even better if you can anticipate the right moment and channel to engage them...

The 4 R's of personalization are Recognize, Relate, Remember, and Recommend. What I learned in a big & tall clothing store is exactly what we offer to FrodX clients today.

It doesn’t matter if you’re dealing with clothes, tech solutions, financial services, or cars. The key is to recognize your returning customer—regardless of the channel, as we say in our line of work. If you fail at that, forget about building relationships, remembering key details, and making meaningful recommendations.

If you think you can get by with just email and an online store while ignoring other touchpoints, let me suggest you think again. I made up the 4 R's just to make it easier to stick in your head once it gets in there.

Good luck!

[email protected]