4 Relationship Commandments to Guide You at Work

You won’t get along with everyone at work. Despite your best efforts. Over time you’ll learn when to invest time in a relationship, and when not to. 

Should you care about developing relationships at work? 

Yes. It’s how work gets done. You also need to continuously search for those who advocate for you, for your reviews, promotion, or next role.

Should you consider a set of rules by which you deal with others?

100%. 

You can’t say YES to others’ requests all the time. In certain situations … you won’t want to stand for certain people's behavior. How you deal with others says a lot about yourself. So it’s good to be conscious of how you act at work. 

Personally, I have affirmations (work commandments) that I stick closely to, regarding my relationships with others. I’m sharing them below as they have been useful to me. Use them if they resonate with you or create some of your own. 

My Work Commandments:

1.    Status will not determine how I treat others

I try to ignore status as much as possible. So, if someone is an entry level employee or a VP, I generally will treat them the same. If I pay too much attention to status, like I’ve seen others do, I’ll either give away my power right from the beginning of an interaction or I will assume too much of it. I want to be my authentic self as often as possible. This allows me to be confident, regardless of who I am speaking with. Some people turn into putty when they talk to higher level leaders. I work to make sure my voice tone is the same, and that my thinking and logic is not altered. I try to keep my power for myself (not drop it at the sight of someone who I think has status in the company). 

 2.    Mutual respect guides me, always

I let mutual respect guide me in determining who I want to build a closer relationship with. Everyone I interact with gets a fair chance initially. But over time, if their response is delayed or curt more often than not, or if I sense they are not fully present in our conversations, or sense generally that they lack interest in building a relationship with me, I’ll let them go. I’ll do this after 2 to 3 interactions. This standard sometimes doesn’t help me, as there are people who I need to win over (boss’s boss, etc.) even if I don’t click with them. So, my tactic is to find people who I do jive with, and who can be my advocates in front of the folks I don’t click with. 

 3.    I will leverage the Power of Reciprocity often

I believe in give and take. If I need something, some sort of help or assistance with a project, an email, a meeting, whatever, I’m not afraid to ask for it. I’m also very giving. I not only respond to people’s requests for help, I react quickly to help them. Often, I offer it before they ask. With this give and take strategy, I get a lot of leverage in any organization I’m a part of because of the network I build. To figure out what you can ask for, and from whom, experimentation is key. To do it, always offer someone something first. The principle of reciprocity suggests they will naturally want to give you something back. It works, trust me. 

4.    Avocados and Coconuts are still people

I keep the avocado vs. coconut concept in mind with all interactions. What the heck is that you ask? It’s a way to tell how to manage a relationship from the first meeting. Some people are hard on the outside, and it takes more than a few interactions to win them over, but once you do, you really start to get to know them and usually are pleasantly surprised by how nice they are. Those are the coconuts. Hard on the outside, soft on the inside.

The other type is super friendly at the surface. Sometimes, they may seem overly friendly. They are easy to get along with and usually have good networks within any organization. It’s also often true that they guard their secrets, their personal agenda, and often their personal lives very closely. There’s a limit to how closely you can get to know them. Those are the avocados. Soft on the outside, hard seed on the inside. More than anything, this concept helps set my expectations when I’m meeting someone new. 

These are my affirmations. Feel free to borrow them, and if you have some other ones that you go by, I’d love to hear about them. 

My Challenge to You

1. Are you an avocado or a coconut?
2. Comment in the post which commandment stood out most to you and why
3. If you’re not comfortable commenting, connect with me on LinkedIn and send me a message to let me know what stood out. 

Let us know how you did by using #InternationalStudentHandbook #challenge28 #InternationalStudents.

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Good luck with your job hunt!