4 reasons why positive thinking isn’t helpful (and what to do instead)

I want to make it clear that I am not saying here that positive thinking is something we should avoid altogether or even choose a negative or pessimistic mindset over positivity in life but in my opinion, too many people are claiming that a ‘quick shift’ in focus to a more positive outlook is both easy and beneficial. There are millions of affirmations on the internet (and millions of pounds being made from affirmation ‘gurus’) and yet mental health issues are steadily on the rise. If addressing those issues was as simple as repeating a few phrases each morning, then life would be looking very different for a lot of people. The truth is, that it simply isn’t the case and I want to explain just four reasons why I find ‘positive thinking’ so problematic and some alternatives.

Positive thinking or denial?

There is research to suggest that optimistic people live longer which is great but what happens when optimism masks something that really should be addressed. What happens when someone dismisses a pain or a lump as ‘Ah it will be nothing, I’ll be fine’ when in reality, it’s their body’s way of asking for help? There are subtle signs all around us all of the time; in our body, relationships even the fabric of our homes, that there are issues that need investigating. Ignoring them in the name of positivity could be very costly in the long run. As my cousin says “Denial is not just a river in Egypt”.

So, what else?

Phrases such as “I’m sure it will be fine” have a place AFTER investigating the issue or taking action of some sort. Positivity can work well as reassurance after action has been taken to address an issue but not in place of. If you are certain that things will be fine, then you have nothing to fear in taking action.

Positive thinking can be superficial

I said earlier that affirmations alone cant change the internal world we create, and I stand by that. Without looking at the root cause of the beliefs which are driving or limiting you, an affirmation is the equivalent of painting over the cracks and any temporary feelings of progress will soon drift back to old, familiar patterns of thought. Spending some time looking at the origins of those beliefs (and that doesn’t have to be on a psychiatrist’s couch or entering into a zen like state in a meadow), which then lead on to statements to confirm new beliefs, works for many but the words alone are hollow if they aren’t connected with some understanding and movement towards real change.

So, what else?

 Spend some time questioning the beliefs that shape your actions and choices in life. Understanding what motivates you and why will enable you to better understand your decisions and ultimately, to make ones which serve you better in the long run. If you find this tricky to do alone, a good coach or even a friend who is good at asking the questions you need but might not necessarily want to answer, can work well.

Positive thinking isn’t always helpful in creating change

 I will go so far as to say that not only can positive self-talk be unhelpful at times, but it can be dangerous. During 2011 I spent a lot of time telling myself that I could be a full-time teacher, and a single parent to my twin boys and carer for one of whom has severe autism and didn’t sleep for more than three hours. Although I felt exhausted, I continually told myself to push through and that I’d got this! That focus landed me in hospital with a suspected stroke at the age of 34 (I was later treated for hypertension)

Performance and wellness coach, Michelle Yeoman, who supports clients through burnout recently told me that “positive self-talk definitely masks the energy dips” and for that reason I much prefer to concentrate on accurate self-talk opposed to simply putting a positive spin that can lead to self-deception with awful consequences.

 So, what else?

 Always look for objective evidence for the statements you are telling yourself. Chances are you won’t find it, particularly in support of negative or self-berating talk. In the event that you do find supporting evidence for statements, for example “I’m terrible at my job” then think of ways to address this; do you need CPD, a chat with a manager or even a change of career? You are not a passive observer of your life!

Life isn’t always positive, and that’s ok!

 While it’s true that experiencing loss, disappointment, sadness, anger etc is not pleasant, it is necessary. We need light and shade in our lives and it's often through struggles that we learn the most and grow. Simply thinking positively about a challenging situation isn’t enough to change it and will in many ways hamper your ability to reflect, learn and adapt for the future.

 So what else?

 In the moments where emotions are challenging, or overwhelming take some time to simply acknowledge them. Don’t fight with them, question them or try to reason with or explain them. Just accept that in that moment, you are experiencing it. Then, ask yourself what that pain / sadness / disappointment is telling you; what can you learn about yourself. Finally, make a decision to apply your new knowledge about yourself or a situation in the future. This is the point where feeling positive may be beneficial; as an intrinsic reward for doing the internal work and coming through it. I love that psychotherapist Anna Pinkerton talks about “moving through’ issues and not simply moving on from them. We need to grow through challenges, not just go through them.

I accept that, for the purposes of this article I have simplified the concept of positive thinking and looked at it out of any context to a degree. The importance of positivity in a person’s life does, in part, depend on the ways in which we define it.

 Executive coach Beth Hope believes that “being positive isn’t dismissing everything negative or pretending that it doesn’t exist. Being positive happy and confident is the resilience to be able to face into things that aren’t always working and be constructive about it” and mental toughness coach Penny Mallory says that “I never talk about positive thinking, only optimism. It’s a nuance but I do see a huge difference”

 At the time of writing this article, the world continues to feel the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic. Newsfeeds and TV channels have been flooded with tragic news and less than inspiring conversations around health and the economy. I understand that people are desperate for some positivity in life but it’s my hope that people take the time to reflect, find the lessons and joy where they can and look forwards with optimism.

Now that feels like a positive outcome.

Get in touch today to find out how I help individuals, businesses and organisations create winning and resilient mindsets through group training and 1-1 coaching.