4 Mindset Changes to Go From Ordinary to Extraordinary

How do you want others to see you?

Aha! That’s the wrong question. Instead, begin with —

How do you want to see yourself?

You must start from within. Self-awareness is the beginning of how champion leaders build character, and it’s how you get into the right mindset to live a life of abundance and success.

This isn’t about deceiving people or hard-wiring something into your brain that isn’t true. It’s a shift in thought. It’s an increase in self-awareness to change the narrative that you can run back and forth in your mind about who you are.

Prior to becoming one, I didn't think of myself as an entrepreneur. The real reason why is that I didn’t do enough thinking and introspection on what that could actually look like. Or what I truly wanted. Every time I thought about leaving my old job, I got scared. I thought — how could I possibly pull this off? I don’t have a clue! I’m afraid to reach out to others. I better play it safe.

It wasn’t until the passion grew stronger and I began to speak the words, “Author, Speaker, Coach” over my life that I actually realized I was already doing those things and it was what I wanted. Then, I committed to action. I knew I had the tools, skills and experience to be successful. I simply had to act on it. I had to believe it and do so with consistency.

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I picked up my first publishing deal because I consistently lived in the space of self-confidence and possibility. Now, three successful books, executive clients and major speaking engagements later, I’m living the life I want. And yet, I’m always mindful of my habits to make sure they’re benefiting my growth.

I'm always re-evaluating, prioritizing, analyzing and evaluating if my habits are working for me or if they've grown stale.

I throw down the gauntlet now at you. What’s holding you back? Is it the thoughts that run inside your head telling you excuses like: “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never…”?

Reinvention is about changing your mind and never accepting excuses. It’s about belief, self-motivation, and vision. Truly, this move from ordinary to extraordinary is really about the habits you choose and how consistently you practice them. James Clear, New York Times bestselling author of, Atomic Habits, describes the importance of asking yourself these four questions when you want to change your habits:

1. How can I make it obvious?

2. How can I make it attractive?

3. How can I make it easy?

4. How can I make it satisfying?

Whatever you’re working on, I hope you can learn from these five habit changes that will help you champion the future of your career.

1. Mindset Shift- Be in it for the Long Run

It’s hard. It’s hard when you want results right away. It’s hard when you want to grow your business, reach the executive chair, buy a new house, the list goes on. It’s called instant gratification and you must avoid it.

In my work with leaders, I’ve found the biggest challenge they face is practicing patience. Let’s face it — we all want results for ourselves, others and our organization right away. When we don’t achieve them, we think something is wrong with us or our process.

So we keep spinning, trying something new and worrying. Chances are, if you sit back with a clear mind and accurately diagnose things — you’ll realize the problem is your own way of thinking. You must play for the long-term, even when supporting your family, making ends meet, and fulfilling your life goals are on the line.

Trust me, I did a lot of cold-calling and transactional selling when I started my business. Some of it worked. A lot of it didn’t. I learned that I needed to think in a transformational way, which can only be achieved when you are in it for the long-term.

Just remember this — Steve Jobs was FIRED from Apple before he came back as CEO and revolutionized hand-held technology. In other words, success isn’t immediate. Results don’t come right away. You have to see things in the long-term and play this way each day.

You have more time than you think. Yes, there are accelerators like delegating tasks and services to others. But the biggest win you can achieve is shifting your mindset to focus on long-term wins. When you think this way, you invest your time and money in what is most important.

2. I Can vs. I Will

Think about how powerful it is to move from possibility to definite. “Can” is a possibility and “will” is a definite commitment to doing.

Eliminate “can” from your vocabulary. If a task or project is in alignment with your values, purpose, and goals — then you will do it. Commit! Speak positive affirmations and they will in fact matter to your success. There’s a neuroscience component to this, in fact.

Dr. Christopher Cascio explains in the journal, Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience:

“Affirmation takes advantage of our reward circuits, which can be quite powerful. Many studies have shown that these circuits can do things like dampen pain and help us maintain balance in the face of threats.”

Further:

“The study also found that self-affirmation increases activity in the medial prefrontal cortex (MPFC) and posterior cingulate (PCC), areas of the brain connected to self-related processing. That, says Cascio, suggests that increases on self-related processing act as a kind of emotional buffer to any painful, negative, or threatening information that follows.”

3. Leave Past Disappointments Behind and Celebrate the Wins

You may live with regret about that path forward that didn’t work out. You may harbor bitter disappointment about the deal you couldn’t quite complete. You may feel frustrated about a relationship at work that went sour and left you wondering about your future plans.

These are real emotions and feelings… ones that are best to be left in the past. Learn from them and move on. I used to get worried about the way others perceived me in meetings. It was because I lacked self-confidence. So, I simply put in more time to prepare and get better at what I do. Suddenly, I stopped worrying so much about what everyone thought. It was useless energy.

Shift your mindset and celebrate the Wins you have in your life. This is what gives you vitality, direction and motivation to keep going. Learn from the losses, look forward and celebrate the Wins. Always move forward.

4. Accept Both “Good” and “Bad” as Personal Growth

In fact, strike “good” and “bad” from your vocabulary, as well. See it as positive and negative. You can learn and grow from negative things. When you see them as bad, it’s really hard to learn, grow and apply new principles that will make you a better person.

I used to take criticism from my peers very, very seriously. I internalized it and it nearly derailed my career. I see so many executives let constructive feedback get to them and gnaw away at them, when they should really have an intake process for how they receive feedback. Filter out the truth from the opinions. Filter out what's not helpful from what is helpful.

Then, make a plan for moving forward with confidence and purpose to fix and improve things that are worth focusing on. I encourage you to lock-in the knowledge, wisdom and experience from wins. And embrace the moments of adversity and learn from them. See these moments as trials that you can profit from. Don’t see things so binary. Focus on overall growth in all that you do — it’s the secret to a fulfilling life.

Concluding Thoughts

Changes in your mindset and habits will help you to see yourself differently — you can go from feeling ordinary to feeling and living an extraordinary life. These personal changes that you make will impact your leadership. Have a forward-seeking mindset that is self-motivated and willing to find acceptance in growth. Commitment and seeing things through for the long-term fuel persistence and an affirmation-filled mindset that lead to success.

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Christopher D. Connors is the author of The Champion Leader (pre-order now!). He's a keynote speaker, executive coach, and globally recognized expert on emotional intelligence. Christopher consults with executives and leaders at Fortune 1000 companies and with organizations spanning many industries.