4 Mental Reframes to Become More Comfortable with Failing

For the longest time, I’ve had a strong aversion to failure. In school, an “F” was inconceivable and since then, the word “failure” has carried a negative connotation for me. However, since starting my own business, I’ve come to realize?you can’t have success without failure,?and as?Winston Churchill once said, “Success is not final. Failure is not fatal.”?Through my journey as a solopreneur, I’ve come to embrace failure in a different light and want to share with you four ways I’ve reframed the notion of failure to encourage you to fail more in life.

1.?FAIL = First Attempt in Learning

I love this acronym for many reasons — I think it embodies the essence of what it means to fail. More specifically, to fail means you attempted to do something, maybe for the first time and even if you did not achieve your intended outcome, you learned a skill/lesson along the way.

2. Failing =/= Being a Failure

Failing to accomplish something you set out to do does NOT mean you are a failure. It's so easy to believe that a failed attempt to achieve something points to a character deficit and insinuates that we are failures. Similar to how we are not our thoughts or emotions, we aren’t our failures (or our successes because in reference to the aforementioned quote, “Success is not final.”) Failing to accomplish something is just one incident in our lives — how we respond to failure (e.g.: picking ourselves back up) speaks more to the type of individual we are rather than the failure itself.

3. No one is immune to failure: You’re not alone and there’s no need to be afraid.

I can’t think of anyone in my life or in the world who hasn’t failed. J.K. Rowling was rejected by 12 publishing houses before one agreed to publish Harry Potter. Imagine if she had given up after her first, second or third rejections — Harry Potter might not be the household name we know it to be. Oprah Winfrey had been fired from her job as an evening news reporter before she made it big on daytime TV. The list is endless, which is to say no one is immune to failure. The common thread between these people who experienced failures is that they picked themselves back up and they didn’t let failure stop them. May you find comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in your moments of failure and may this knowing help you feel less afraid to fail.

4. To fail means that you are actively pushing beyond your comfort zone

If you’re not failing, chances are you’re not taking risks in your life. More likely than not, you’re playing it safe and there’s nothing wrong with that if that’s your preference.?However, if you fail (or are willing to fail), it means that you’re willing to push beyond your comfort zone and see what it is on the other side.

For several years, I had the desire to perform stand-up comedy. I took a 10-week stand-up comedy writing class to prepare material for a five-minute set. Last year, when the opportunity presented itself for me to perform, I almost backed out. I was afraid of bombing onstage and hearing crickets in the audience. Thankfully, my stand-up comedy instructor challenged me and asked, “So what if you bomb? You’ll live.” He was right. So what if I bomb? At least I tried and I’ll just get on with my life. So I decided to take a chance and performed stand-up in a comedy club in New York. I had fun AND the audience laughed. After that set, I went on to perform stand-up comedy in Bulgaria and Portugal, neither of which would’ve been possible had I stopped myself from getting on stage the first time around. I wouldn’t have known what I was actually capable of had I let my fears stop me.

Here’s to destigmatizing failure and here’s to failing more often.