4 Mental Barriers that Hold You Back from Your Goals

There are some pretty typical barriers holding us back from checking off those goals year after year. Breaking down these barriers will allow you to grow into a pretty kick ass human.

Stop scouring people's faces for evidence that you're not enough. You will always find it because you've made that your goal.

―Brené Brown,?Braving the Wilderness

Goals are not about becoming enough. We need to believe that we are sufficient enough to reach for the things that are important. We need to believe that we are sufficient enough to live out the story we want for ourselves. We need to believe that we are sufficient enough to overcome the failures that are sure to happen when trying something we have never been able to do. But sometimes, it is hard to believe, and there are some typical barriers that hold us back.

Often when we set goals such as losing weight, sleeping more, and making time for real-life friends instead of social media replies and likes, we don’t believe we will have success—if we are honest. We buy into the different barriers that prevent us from actually going after goals like we mean it. We hedge our bets because these barriers make us believe we can’t achieve our goals.

I want to expose the roadblocks these barriers present so the path to success is clear—not easy, but clear. I will never promise lifestyle change (or any other change) is easy. Anyone who promises ‘it is easy’ is trying to sell you something. Americans spend?$264.6 billion per year on getting fit. Our obsession with an image of what we have to look, feel or be like continues to feed these barriers because we have come to believe that the barriers are, in fact, truths.

4 Mental Barriers to the Success of Your Goals

??Fear Barrier

We often don’t set goals for what we want because of the fear of failure. Many of us have tried to lose weight before and failed. Many of us want to get more rest, but we can’t go to bed earlier because we need to send those last few emails or do the dishes. Many of us feel we can’t take time to schedule lunch with a friend because of our work schedule or our kiddo’s nap schedule, making it impossible. We can all come up with reasons that sound rational as to why we can’t ____, but these are limiting beliefs we use to keep away the discomfort and fear of failure.

What is a limiting belief? Well, it is the belief that your limitation prevents you from doing anything at all. Are kids a limitation? Oh, hell yes—a worthy one, but still a limitation on your time, mental energy, and money. Are jobs or being a single mom a limitation? Oh yeah. Do we know women who kick ass with being healthy despite these limitations? Yes. Are they unicorns with magical powers? No. They are just moms who have embraced failure as a part of the story.

Failure feels really SUCKY. I know because I have failed a lot. You need to be honest with yourself about why you aren’t reaching for a new goal in earnest—you are afraid of failing. But failure is the key ingredient in success. Lots of it. You don’t earn gold without not even placing hundreds of times before.

??The Skill Barrier

This is a barrier tied to the belief that you need to be an authority before trying. You don’t have to be perfect at eating well. You don’t have to be amazing at exercising. You don’t have to be a zen master to have good emotional health.

I am not the best at any of these things. I never was elite or even really good at sports, and my cooking of the past left much to be desired. I basically had a mini-breakdown six years ago because I ignored my mental health. In certain aspects of my health, I have been limited by the belief that I didn’t know enough to try.

Here is the thing. You know a lot of what you need to know. There are no huge secrets out there about being healthy you don’t know—regardless of what the ads say on FaceBook. If you have already failed at getting healthy, you just found the ways that don’t work for you right now. Those have been eliminated as starting points, so let’s look at what has worked for you in the past. What way of moving your body brought you joy to do when you were younger? What small change can you make that will give you a sense of making progress?

You get better the more you try to change small little bits of the big picture. I did not cook well ten years ago. I made prepackaged food out of the freezer and MAYBE added vegetables once a week. I did not work on my mental health at all. I get annual marriage and personal counseling because my marriage and mental health need regular check in’s like my teeth. I didn’t prioritize moving my body 4-5 times a week like I do now. You don’t and can’t know everything. You will never be the best, but you can be better and write a new chapter in your wellness story.

??The Connections Barrier

I would be able to meet my goals if I got a: coach, dietitian, personal trainer, or joined an online community with all the health secrets. If I had that connection, then I would be able to learn enough or understand what I need to do to hit my goals. It is a myth that you MUST have an expert or a coach to guide you—to include myself (although OBVIOUSLY, my health coaching would be an amazing addition to your life).

Would it be helpful if you paid for all these services? Yes.?If you actually took their advice.?I have paid for a lot of things in this world that I DIDN’T use. Hundreds of dollars and probably thousands of dollars were wasted on something that just sat there.

What you do need is a community. You need one or two people that you can be authentically honest with about your struggles. Find a friend to walk with in the mornings or evenings and meal plan on Sunday. You have connections that you can use that are free to you when you are in a community. They can cheer enthusiastically for you and give you the loving accountability that you need.

I started running because of a really awesome neighborhood of other moms who suggested we all do a run together. I didn’t run in middle school or high school, or even my early 20s. I am not fast, but I love the comradery I had with those ladies. They were and are exceptional women who live in a different state than I do now. I still run today because of them. This is just one example of many communities that have powered and continue to power me. Because of others—because of the power of community—my story is still being written without repeating the failures of past chapters. Make the connections and start your community.

?The Perfect Time Barrier

This is so many of you. This was me. Many people believe that they can’t work on their lifestyle change goals until they have more time and money and the kids’ schedule is less chaotic. Basically, you need to wait until there is this “perfect” time to start working on a lifestyle change goal because otherwise, it will fail.

Sadly, both you and I will never have all our ducks in a row for this ‘perfect time’ to happen. But you can adapt as you go and optimize as you go. Your workout today will become your warm-up if you can stick with it. What seems hard this year will be easy peasy lemon squeezy next year.

You have to start and do what fits and what works for you given your life constraints. You will steadily make time for more of what you know makes you feel joy, feel strong, feel alive. Don’t set a goal for this month that would require perfection. Set something doable but a bit challenging. Just start and grab a friend to join you.

The Crux

We must get these barriers out of the way to start progressing. We are conditioned not to fail in school. We are programmed to keep it to ourselves when something is a real struggle bus and just come up with an excuse instead of getting venerable and letting someone see how we suck. Basically, at the age of 12-13 years old, we understand we can’t fail in front of others. It is all predicated on fear.

All these fears are real but are holding you back from living the story you were meant to live. You don’t have to be an expert or pay for someone who says they are. You will never have enough time to be physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy. It is something you slowly make time for in your life. You add little bits at a time. You find a community that cheers for every inch of ground you gain.

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within—Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

We need to find that light from within that will help us shine through our own darkness of fear and the belief that we are not enough. Social media, Netflix, and our constant need to hurry through life dim our internal light. Our attention span is dropping with each passing year. Currently, humans have an average attention span of eight seconds. To put things in perspective, a goldfish has an attention span of nine seconds. Yes. That’s right.?We’re losing to goldfish.

Stop swimming around your bowl in circles. Take time to slow down and reflect. Give your attention to making small changes for yourself and sell less of your attention to your phone. You can’t have an extraordinary story at the end of your life if you live every day ordinary. Break down the barriers of your mind, find your community, and believe that the best is yet to come.

Dig Deep Action Steps

Get?Deliberate: FIND YOUR COMMUNITY!! For reals, though. Call two or more humans. Don’t text. Get personal and call. Make a plan to meet in person to meal plan, do gratitude journalling, get physical (with exercise! Where is your mind? Seriously??).

Get?Inspired: Watch this??video. Seriously this video makes me tear up EVERY TIME. I regret looking for this video in a coffee shop as I am currently trying to make it look like I am just tearing up from massive yawning. This video inspires me, thus the tears??.

Get?Going: Yes, you don’t need me, but if you want someone to bounce goal ideas off of?schedule, some time to chat. My discovery chats are always free. My deepest yearning is to help moms write a new health story by substituting willpower with curiosity and joy. So you if you need a chat to get started click on the link??.