4 Keys to Speaking Your Mind Comfortably and With Confidence

Have you ever noticed how comfortable kids are speaking their mind? Most children will call it like they see it. They are not concerned about how common their belief is, nor are they concerned with how well it will be received. They haven’t been taught tact and they definitely haven’t been exposed to the idea of hurting someone’s feelings. As a father of four myself, my kids have said things that have left me surprised and speechless on more than one occasion. Each time, the person they were talking to was gracious because they know kids are simply speaking the truth.

Silence is learned, speaking your mind is natural

It is not until we are older that we learn the truth is not always welcomed. Whether you are having conversations with personal conversations with your family or professional conversations with your supervisor. People are much less interested in hearing the truth from an adult. While your intentions may be noble, the key difference is how your message is received.

As a child, when you are speaking your mind, your message will be received with grace and compassion. Yet, if an adult were to say the same thing, their message would be received as judgmental and disparaging. As a result, many adults stop speaking their mind. They become jaded and wonder if the truth will penetrate the deeply-held beliefs of their friends and family.

I would be lying if I didn’t say I frequently wondered the same thing myself. Especially in the current climate of racial, political and social unrest. For every post I see in support of BlackLivesMatter, there is a comment saying, AllLivesMatter. Then the natural discussion ensues of what someone means when they say BLM. After having many conversations, I have come to a place where I believe everyone understands where everyone else is coming from. As a result, I no longer attempt to educate people on this particular message.

As true as it may be that some will never adjust their beliefs when presented with new information, you don’t want to avoid educating people altogether. There are always going to be people who are open to reevaluating their position when new information is presented. For those who are willing to listen to new information, follow the four keys to speaking your mind comfortably and with confidence.

1.     Demand respect and respect others

It is important to lay the groundwork of how you want to be treated. You should never tolerate someone attempting to intimidate you. When you are speaking your mind, you want to respect the thoughts of others and allow them the opportunity to share what is on their mind. It is said the strength of an intelligent person is the ability to entertain new information. If you live long enough, you will discover you had the best intentions, but were incorrect about a belief.

You are going to make the best decisions with the information you have, and as you gain more information, you have an opportunity to change your opinion. By engaging in respectful dialogue, you make it much easier for the incorrect person (even if that person is you) to admit they were wrong.

2.     Refine your message

You don’t want to be long-winded or rambling an incoherent message. Instead, put some time into your message. Take the time to contemplate where your beliefs come from and whether they are based in fact or opinion. Prepare ahead of time by researching your topic. Look for information that you agree with, but also look for opinions in opposition to your own. This new information should embolden when speaking your mind. If you read opposing positions and still hold firm to your initial belief, you have prepared to counter any objections.

One problem today is the people who have the information are cautious about speaking their mind, but the ill-informed cannot stop talking. If you want to ensure your conversation is based on facts, then take the extra step to gather supporting information. Of course, this does not guarantee whoever you are talking to will do the same thing. However, if they are sharing their beliefs without sharing any facts, ask them for corroborating evidence.

In church, if someone said something I didn’t think was accurate, I would ask them what Bible verses support their conclusion. More times than you could imagine, the person did not have any scriptural support for their conclusion. It was simply a habit they learned as a child and have been repeating ever since. What you will notice is once you set the expectation to request supporting evidence, those around you will be more likely to prepare accordingly.

3.     Don’t assign a motive

One of the quickest ways to turn a conversation into an argument is for someone to assign a motive to someone else’s action. Most of the time, the assigned motive is self-serving and tends to distract from the key issue.

Imagine you are having a discussion with your supervisor and you disagree with their recommendation. While speaking your mind on why you think there is a better approach, they accuse you of not liking their idea because you won’t get the credit. If you are like most people, you are going to immediately shift the discussion to defending yourself. My parents would tell me the most valuable possession you have is your name. Therefore, it should be easy to see that assigning motives when speaking your mind is only going to escalate the situation.

4.     Show empathy

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. When speaking your mind, make sure the person you are talking to understands you care about their feelings. Not in the sense that you will bite your tongue and sugarcoat the truth, but in the sense that you are not going to engage in the demonetization of those who oppose your viewpoint. There can be plenty of reasons someone would disagree with you, but as already mentioned, you are not focused on assigning motive.

Your goal does not necessarily require someone to admit their wrong. Some people have too much pride to admit their wrong and that’s okay if they change their actions. Even if they wait a day and never acknowledge you were the one that proposed the direction shift; that’s okay. Again, you weren’t speaking your mind because you are looking to take credit for something. You were speaking your mind because you saw a wrong that needed to be corrected. Keep your eye on the prize and don’t waste time looking for empty platitudes.

Since none of us are always right, it is important for us to show some compassion for others. You don’t need anything more than a change of action, so the issue is resolved going forward.

Final thoughts

When speaking your mind, focus on the goal you are trying to accomplish. When you feel nervous about whether your thoughts will be accepted, remember their response says more about them than it does about you. You don’t want to act in a manner that keeps people in your life who don’t appreciate or respect your opinion. The best result of you speaking your mind is you will attract people who share your conviction and you are going to repel those who don’t. The same holds true if you are not speaking your mind. You are going to attract people who share your perceived conviction and repel people who would have agreed with you.

Until next time,

Dre 'More Than Riches' Griggs

Sources:

1. Entreprenuer.com: 14 Proven Ways to Improve Your Communication Skills
2. BBC: What does your inner voice say about you?