4. How Your Mind and Brain REALLY Work

The first four posts in this series covered relatively simple approaches to immediately dissolve bullying. In order to deal with more complex forms of bullying, we need to understand how the mind and brain REALLY work. (Here is a link to the first post in this series: Introduction.)

If you feel all your energy being drained by this backward step, please take a moment to watch this very short video: Backward Steps

WARNING: I have found 99% of people, whether they are conscious of it or not, have a model for the brain that leads to approaching people like they are Robots. They don’t have an explanation for the mind. This results in approaches that are focused on the conscious brain and the short term. Since this is the wrong model for the mind and brain, these approaches don’t work in the long term, hence the frustration with bullies. When we understand how the mind and brain REALLY work, we will understand why our dissolve approaches appear to be “magic” to the misinformed and untrained.

Here is the simplest explanation for how the mind and brain REALLY work…

You are a driver in a car.

You are an intangible mind/soul.

Your physical brain is the car.

People say we only use 10% of our brain. That is wrong. We use all of our brain, however, we are only in direct control of 10% of our brain. Likewise, you are only in direct control of 10% of your car: gas pedal, brake, steering wheel, knobs for the radio, windshield wipers, windows, etc. This 10% is the conscious brain.

Notice, all of the behavior and energy is in the parts of the car that we are not directly controlling! Likewise, all of your behavior and energy (including sexual attraction) is in the 90% of your brain you don’t directly control: the unconscious brain.

(The SUBconscious is in your conscious. What was the name of your second grade teacher? Since you are able to intentionally retrieve that answer, it is in your conscious. However, since it wasn’t immediately available, it was in your subconscious. When people use the word mind to mean brain and/or use the word subconscious to mean unconscious, they are proving they don’t know what they are talking about.)

If you believe that behavior is in the conscious brain, then you believe telling people to be good and not be racist and not be addicted immediately results in them being good, not racist, and not addicted. Does it? If I tell you the right way to eat and exercise, are you immediately changing your behavior?

Worse, our brain cannot DO a “don’t”. In fact, studies have shown that people are three times more likely to do the wrong behavior when you tell them not to do the wrong behavior! For example, if someone was walking across a rug and you said, “Don’t trip!”, that person is now three times MORE likely to trip. Did you hurt them or help them?

I know, I know. Your intention was to help them, however, you hurt them. (You could have said, “Lift your knees when you walk across that rug.”)

There are NO “zero events” to the brain. Everything you say, think, hear, and do either makes the brain healthier or unhealthier. Do you REALLY want to help people? Notice, when you don’t REALLY help people, you could be seen as a bully.

There is an even worse result that becomes apparent once you understand how the mind and brain REALLY work! Let’s look at a computer to understand this.

Your computer is essentially processing power and presentation. We see the presentation portion: screen, keyboard, etc. The processing power represents the intellectual power of the computer. If we used some of the intellectual power to directly do the presentation portion, what would we have?

First, we would have less processing power because some of it is being used to directly do the presentation. Second, we are going to end up with a poorer presentation because directly presenting “1’s” and “0’s” are going to hinder the presentation ability.

Likewise, when we try to use the conscious to manage behavior, we are responsible for the person being less intelligent AND exhibiting worse behavior. Yes, using the conscious approach on people can be seen as bullying! Why do people continue to use this approach? Because they see short-term results. Let’s conclude this post with one more analogy.

Imagine people are given a key to a car in a parking lot and told they need to get to a location three thousand miles away. What would a person look like according to the four thought processes?

Dysregulation: This person would try to prevent others from being able to leave the parking lot! Taking keys, slashing tires, ramming their car into other cars, etc.

Regulation: This person would get distracted and never begin the task.

Self-regulation: This person would rip the gas pedal and brake pedal out of the car and tape them to their feet. Then they would rip the steering wheel out of the car and begin to walk out of the parking lot feeling proud of themselves! “Look at me! I’m driving!”

This is the approach “experts” are espousing when they talk about discipline, effort, commitment, you know, ”no pain, no gain”! Yes, this person will make it out of the parking lot and be used as an example to everyone else. However, there is no way they will make it to their destination and when they fail, we either won’t know about it or the “expert” will say they lacked the fortitude to achieve their goal. In reality, the “expert” deceived the person into failing by distracting them with short-term progress.

Creative: Use the steering wheel, etc. to let the engine do the work!

Are you ready to apply this information to see why the current approach is hypocritical?

Next Chapter: The Role of the Mind