The 4 F's of an Effective Apology

Too often a transgression creates a constraint in a professional or personal relationship that hampers the results and daily experience, which often can be both productive and enjoyable. We are sometimes willing to sacrifice value and growth because of a felt attack on our efficiency, pride, or role. I don’t like other people not acknowledging that I am right, but is it worth the time, money, and resources to wait around for someone to acknowledge that I’m right before I act?


In our programming from friends, family, and society, we’ve been trained to participate in drama games. Games are played because there can be a payoff, it transfers responsibility from actions to drama, and it avoids the real issue, which often is hard to talk about. Some people may play drama games because they feel like they’re stroke deprived and need some bolstering of their ego. Others play games to get close to people without risking intimacy. Overall, games are a way people try to get what they want instead of asking for it.


If you want to stop participating in the games that you’ve allowed yourself to play or move past games effectively to get back to productivity then read this post and follow my formula for an apology that will build trust and allow a conversation about the actual issue, rather than participate in drama. Remember: drama exists to avoid responsibility.

Dan Bigelow

CEO at Sandler Training Utah

7 年

Great article Jim!

要查看或添加评论,请登录

Jim Stephens的更多文章

  • Find Your Motivator

    Find Your Motivator

    We all have a specific way of doing things, for better or for worse. Rather than using the generic term, though, we’ll…

  • The Worst Things We Do, We Do to Ourselves

    The Worst Things We Do, We Do to Ourselves

    Often, we’re frightened when we come to terms with a problem that has grown out of proportion and seems dangerous. As…

  • Cunningham's Law

    Cunningham's Law

    The internet is a funny place. We’ve all spent time discovering our niches and becoming more familiar with places to…

  • Grit, Determination, and Roadblock Removal

    Grit, Determination, and Roadblock Removal

    Our best clients are driven business owners who make their business work through personal grit and determination, aware…

  • Sluice

    Sluice

    If you don’t have the right tools to excavate into relationships to find value, you are mining for gold without a…

    1 条评论
  • The Power of a Plan

    The Power of a Plan

    There’s an interesting place for planning, long-term and short-term goal setting, and general strategy to create the…

  • Following a Proven Process or Winging it?

    Following a Proven Process or Winging it?

    On January 17th I'm running a boot camp to cover the Sandler Sales System and provide a framework to those unfamiliar…

  • Manage Your Emotions, Your Team's Behaviors

    Manage Your Emotions, Your Team's Behaviors

    The programmed patterns that we have transcend our roles in life. It's not something that you only do at work; this…

  • How can I help you?

    How can I help you?

    If you’re like me, this statement is so commonly said to you that it has reeled itself into the territory of hello and…

  • Turnover and Retention Solutions in 2018

    Turnover and Retention Solutions in 2018

    With the economy doing so well there is not a lot of good hires desperately seeking work. In fact, we’ve seen an…

社区洞察

其他会员也浏览了