The 4 F-ing Places We Go When Stressed Out
In a?previous post, I discussed how trauma responses originate from being thrust into overwhelming situations that unfolded too rapidly, arrived prematurely, or simply felt too overwhelming for our bodies to effectively handle.
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The human nervous system is a threat detection and response system. Its role is to identify threatening situations or people as soon as possible so that you can respond to that threat.
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But did you know that when our nervous system detects a threat, we automatically go into one of four nervous system responses?
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Without our conscious decision or choice, our bodies respond to threats in one of four ways – we Fight, Flee (Flight), Freeze, or Fawn.
Why Do the 4 F’s Happen
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We humans have evolved to respond to threats in our environment over many, many generations. These responses are battle-tested and have assured our survival as a species.
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When the encounter a short-term stressor, having a 4 F response is good and adaptive.
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For example, swerving out of the way when driving to avoid a car accident – an example of the flight response – is good because it reduce the chances of harm to yourself or to someone else.
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After the event passes, and the threat is eliminated – you avoided a car accident (yay!) –?you would begin to settle down as you return to your baseline.
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Before long, you would have moved out of the flight response that was triggered by the almost-car-accident-situation.
So…What the F?
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This same adaptive nervous system response becomes less adaptive in instances of chronic stress.
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When we live in a state of chronic stress, as many trauma survivors do, our experience of feeling threatened is ongoing. Instead of moving beyond the stress event, we might effectively inhabit one or more of the 4F states.
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In my work as a trauma therapist, I have come to learn that many trauma survivors who live in a state of ongoing 4F activation as adults, started feeling threatened by what was happening to them during childhood.
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These survivors, now adults, often report living through various situations where stressors happened too fast, too soon, or too much for them to cope with as youngsters.
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And so, their nervous systems, having prioritized threat detection to withstand the stressors of an unpredictable environment, engages in 4F responses in a more enduring fashion.
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I believe that an important step in healing stress conditions is understanding how our bodies respond when we feel threatened.
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To help you to understand these responses and what they look like, I’ve outlined how each of the 4F’s show up here.
The Fighting Response
The fight response involves reacting with aggression or confrontation or desiring confrontation.
Some examples of the Fight Response include -
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The Fleeing Response
The Fleeing (also called Flight) Response involves a desire to or attempting to escape or avoid the source of trauma.
Some examples of the Fleeing Response include -
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The Freezing Response
The Freeze Response involves becoming immobilized or "stuck" in response to trauma. Many people report feeling paralyzed or unable to move, or emotionally numb and detached when in this state.
Some examples of the Freeze Response include -
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The Fawning Response
The Fawn Response involves attempting to appease or please the source of trauma to avoid harm.
Common amongst women, this can manifest as submitting to the wishes of others or suppressing one's own needs and desires to maintain safety.
Some examples of the Fawn Response include -
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Living in a state of chronic stress response is hell on our bodies and on our relationships.
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We are reactive and easily triggered. We feel that we cannot be truly present because we do not feel safe.?We are often zoned out and feeling fatigued and overwhelmed.
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If living in chronic stress is your experience, I want you to know that?there is support available to you.
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With effective trauma therapy, you can practice what it feels like to move out of that state of chronic stress and into your life.