The 4 Elements to Change: A Path to True Choice
Gino Barbaro
To Cultivate a Christian Community through Coaching, Mentorship, and Education Grounded in Family Values and Traditions.
Change is one of the hardest things a person can go through. Whether it’s breaking a bad habit, shifting a mindset, or transforming a way of life, the process requires more than just a moment of motivation. Many people stay stuck in destructive cycles not because they lack the desire to change, but because they don’t understand the deeper process required to make it last.
That’s where the?4 Elements to Change?come in. By breaking the process down into four essential steps—Awareness, Understanding, Disassociation, and Reconditioning—you gain the ability to make real, lasting transformations. The goal is not just to change a habit, but to live with?true choice, rather than being controlled by conditioning and automatic responses.
1. Awareness: Do You Want to Change?
The first step in any transformation is awareness. You can’t fix a problem you don’t acknowledge. But awareness goes beyond simply noticing a bad habit—it requires a deep, honest look at?whether you truly want to change.
Many people say they want to change, but deep down, they cling to their old ways because they offer comfort, familiarity, or even a sense of identity. A person struggling with overspending might say they want to save money, but they also enjoy the rush of impulse shopping. Someone who constantly procrastinates may want to be more productive, but they also associate work with stress, so they delay it.
Ask yourself:
Honest reflection is the key here. If you don’t?truly?want to change, no method in the world will work.
When I picked up T. Harv Eker’s book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind?Back in 2008, I became aware of my massive shortcomings, and I realized that I had to embrace discomfort to begin to change. I also started visualizing what a new life would look like as my life was transforming.
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2. Understanding: How Have Your Current Actions Affected Your Situation?
Once you’ve decided that you do, in fact, want to change, the next step is?understanding how you got here. This involves an objective look at how your current actions have led to your present situation.
Ask yourself:
For example, let’s say you want to improve your health. You might realize that every time you feel stressed, you turn to junk food for comfort. Maybe you’ve tried dieting before, but it only lasted a few weeks because you never addressed the stress itself.
Or, if you’re trying to be more disciplined with your finances, you might see that your spending increases when you’re feeling unfulfilled. Perhaps you use shopping as a way to create excitement or avoid boredom.
Understanding the?why?behind your actions allows you to stop treating symptoms and start addressing root causes.
Harv’s book helped me immensely here as well because I had to take full responsibility of all the actions I had taken in my life up until that point. Being a victim was not serving me; in fact, it was giving me the excuses to blame others and not seek out ways to improve my life.
3. Disassociation: Separate Yourself from These Thoughts
Once you understand the patterns keeping you stuck, the next step is to?disassociate from them. This is crucial because many people?identify with their bad habits, rather than seeing them as separate from who they are.
For example, people say things like:
When you talk like this, you’re reinforcing the belief that these behaviors define you. But they don’t. You are not your bad habits. You are not your mistakes. You are not your past.
Instead of saying, “I’m bad with money,” say, “I’ve developed poor money habits, but I can change them.” Instead of saying, “I’m a procrastinator,” say, “I’ve struggled with procrastination, but I’m learning to be more productive.”
This simple shift in language creates space between?you?and the habit, which makes it easier to change.
A practical way to strengthen this disassociation is through?mindfulness. Observe your thoughts without judgment. The next time an old habit or impulse arises, instead of reacting to it automatically, pause. Ask yourself:
By practicing this awareness, you start to break the automatic cycle. Seeking a mastermind or coach will help with this third step. The key is accountability, whether it is taking actions or being mindful with what we allow into our lives.
Read about the fourth element: