4 Easy Ways to Kill Trust - Part 1 of 2

“Trust undergirds and affects the quality of every relationship, every communication, every work project, every business venture, every effort in which we are engaged.” — Stephen M.R. Covey, The Speed of Trust

“The moment there is suspicion about a person’s motives, everything he does becomes tainted.” — Mahatma Gandhi

NOTE: this discussion deserves diving in a bit, so I’m breaking it into two posts. This is Part 1 of 2.

Why would anyone intentionally kill the trust that is so critical to business and personal success and relationships? Well, of course, very few of us would want to do that intentionally!

But there are four communication behaviors that do just that, sometimes without our conscious awareness. Almost all of us have fallen into these habits from time to time without realizing that the person we are speaking with can see (or intuitively feel) the not-so-obvious intention or emotion that is hiding under our words.

I learned about these communication NO-NOs way back in 1983 when I attended a 6-week series of workshops on business leadership conducted by a very smart couple named Peter and Claire (wish I could remember their last names!) in Rochester NY. Yep, this was even before the internet, social media and email hit the scene; but I have found the ideas I’m about to share with you still hold up in the 21st Century.

Here are two of the four behaviors to watch out for, both on the giving and the receiving end (with Oxford Dictionary definitions and my own added interpretation):

FLATTERY (noun): “excessive and insincere praise, especially that given to further one’s own interests”

Well, that’s pretty obvious right? We can all tell when someone is flattering us, and it’s almost always given when the speaker has their own agenda to advance, perhaps even at your expense! Does that erode your trust of that person, or the specific interaction happening at the moment? You bet!

ADVICE (noun): “guidance or recommendations concerning prudent future action, typically given by someone regarded as knowledgeable or authoritative”

Back in 1983, early in my business career I was confused why I should be wary of advice from an expert. It stands to reason that one would seek out advice from those who are in the know so we don’t make unnecessary mistakes, right?

Yes, BUT Peter & Claire made the distinction of at least two cases where advice may not be to our benefit:

1) Unsolicited advice that doesn’t reflect an understanding of the recipient’s situation, interests and goals. This is especially deadly in a client relationship if you are on the giving side of the advice.

2) Premature, untimely or excessive advice that the recipient isn’t prepared to assimilate or understand. Well that makes a lot of sense, right? How often has someone loaded you down with a bunch of advice that you couldn’t really take advantage of in the current situation. Did it make you lose a bit of trust for the advisor

What other situations can you think of when even the best advice isn’t really of benefit to you or your intended recipient? Does it undermine the the level of trust you are trying to build?

In Part 2 of this two-part series, I will explore the remaining 2 trust-killing behaviors: CRITICISM and MOTIVATION. 

Stay tuned for the next post, and if you like this post, please share with your friends and business associates! Check out more of my posts at: www.creativityinbiz.com