4 Core Qualities of Heart & Mind (for Everyday Leaders)

I ended my latest article on leadership with a question:

If leadership is a matter of heart and mind, what might be the qualities we need to focus on?

As human beings, we are complex creatures to begin with. Once a person decides to grow self-awareness, self-attainment and affirmation, the process may look different dependent on where the person is in life, prior experiences and future aspirations. Needless to say, as business professionals, there are also number of competencies we need to continuously work on developing - meaning focusing on the qualities of heart and mind may not automatically guarantee you excel. It will, however, fuel your development; help you identify and build on your strengths as well as unlock potential. Heart and mind is a starting point, not an end, because:

Learning for a true leader never really stops...

First, the mind then!

The number one quality of mind is our ability to take in perspective. Perspective taking is about separating mind state from our very own emotional state. Scientists often call is a 'self-distancing' exercise. The key, here, is to know and accept what we often perceive as 'reality' is almost always only one part of the picture. There are often multiple angles and attitudes to any given topic. With a wider perspective, we can gain a holistic view and take a neutral position, which in return, helps us make 'healthier' decisions. To widen our perspective, we need to take a step back from our mind (which is a lot influenced by our ego) and look at the bigger picture to move beyond our limited self-awareness and self-interest. For leaders, it is a great skill to have for it helps build a holistic view, think more clearly about a challenge and consider the greater benefit for the parties involved.

The second quality of mind is humility. Every human being is born with a unique strength. Every one of us is special. If one sees self separate-better, worse, higher, lower than others, one invites feeling of loneness and anxiety, as a result of self-isolation. Recognizing we are all created equal and we all have our own struggles, successes, trials helps us feel connected; and helps build an understanding that we can't control all aspects of life. I love the meaning of humility in Latin, 'soil', literally, a call back to connect with earth. #newageleaders, remember arrogance comes from insecurity. Perhaps you had to learn under authoritarian examples of management but trust me, you don't need to show temper to influence. You have the potential to shine and help other shine by staying connected to self and others more than you can imagine.

Third quality of mind is humor. When I look at majority of executives today, I see an uneasy image. You know... We tend to blow up ourselves, inflate our public images because most of us have a poor self-image. When we learn to take ourselves less seriously, we make everyone's job a little easier, starting with our own. Once I walked into a meeting on a Friday with my Converses and Lacoste shirt, joking around with my team members, the other team's lead said "when will your leader arrive?" I said "unless you are expecting the CEO, I am here." We laughed a lot on that occasion. But that's our bias. We expect a leader to be serious, in dark suits, walking around with cold air. It doesn't need to be like that... If you start looking for humor in life, you will find it. If you can laugh at yourself, it will make it easier for you to accept others and if you laugh with others, it will make it easier for them to build trust with you. 

Here is a pic of me during a photo shooting then - just to lead the way. :)

Last quality of mind is acceptance. All change starts with acceptance. Individually and collectively, we must accept our past, present and future to be able to make any progress. One common pitfall of CEOs, thinking acceptance will undermine authority and amplify issues. In fact, it is the contrary. We can not succeed by denying what exists. The acceptance of reality is the only place from change can begin. All other start response (even with good intentions) keeps us locked in judgment, criticism and anxiety. Acceptance is a demonstration of accountability. 

Then the heart.

Ah, the heart... No one wants to talk about our poor hearts... :))

The first quality of heart is forgiveness. Forgiveness does NOT mean forgetting. It also does NOT mean you don't seek justice. It does mean, however, standing firm against the wrong to protect who is harmed while also looking out for the longer term well being of the harmer because they, too, will suffer. Un-forgiveness leads to resentment, anger and hostility, which can be extremely destructive to a person, to an organization, to the society. This is, by the way, how ill intended group leaders sustain their followers by helping them remember what was done wrong onto them 24/7. They understand not forgetting feeds hatred. 

Un-forgiveness also has significant physical effects on the immune system from heart issues to muscle tension to sweat gland over function, it is awful. I know a very few executives who don't have an ulcer problem or a chronic headache, for example. This is exactly WHY.

When a hurt or harm happens, we have a choice to hurt back or heal. When we choose to retaliate, the cycle of viciousness continues vs. when we choose to forgive, we create space for building new forms of relationships. Being a leader has nothing to do with title, role or prestige, nor about control, it is all about creating the right environment for others to flourish and service. And it is available to all of us as long as we make a choice to heal, as long as we look out for the greater good. #newageleaders, when faced with a dilemma, please choose to forgive and role model to coach; that's the true path to sustainable growth. 

The second quality of heart is to be grateful. To explain gratefulness, I am going to quote from dearest Benedict Monk, David Steindl-Rast, who is known to be the 'guru' on the topic. He says "when you are grateful, you are not fearful, and when you are not fearful, you are not violent. When you are grateful, you act out of a sense of enough and not out of a sense of scarcity, and you are wiling to share. If you are grateful, you are enjoying the differences between people and are respectful of all people. A grateful world is a world of joyful people." And we see it now with a select #newageleaders. Let them be a role model to more of us... 

The third quality of heart is compassion. Compassion is rooted deeper in our brain systems and has the power to change the orientation of our minds. The key is to understand that we can select, on purpose, one of our basic motivational systems—for caring—and we can cultivate it, help it grow and mature, through practice. Many times, leaders and CEOs tell me 'I am just not that kind of a leader', meaning a lovey-dovey one. (Neither am I!) To be clear, being a leader of care doesn't require for you to be all that. Think of it this way: Our minds are like gardens. If uncultivated, they can be influenced by weather, water, and seeds carried by winds. Some things will grow big and others shrivel—and in the end we may not like the results. We have the power to evolve our thoughts, routine behaviors.

Personally, I struggle most with compassion. Modern lives don't make it easy for us to stay self-understanding and self-caring. We work so hard to move up the career ladder; we are unforgiving with our limitations in many ways. The good news is we can invest in compassion development. We can work to become a leader, who can lead from the heart, who have ability to inspire others through kindness, flexibility, support, and empowerment. In fact, there are these development sessions called 'compassion development dyads (CDD)' for developing compassion in the workplace nowadays. This is a hybrid of compassion training and technology. Two people “meet” online via Skype for an hour a week for eight weeks to have structured discussions on topics like mindfulness, emotional literacy, and the importance of having a growth mindset. For those leaders who want to lead with care, it may be worthwhile for you to check out! 

The last quality of ?? is generosity. We often think of generosity as gift giving. In reality, generosity can take the form of a smile, time sharing, offering thanks, knowledge sharing, mentoring, being a listener and coaching. And it has a profound effect in individual and organizational psychology. Those who receive a form of generosity feel inspired to share on the 'good'. Those share the goodness create a certain culture you can't build by having 10 McKinsey Partner Consultants build a strategy for you - no offense. :) Leaders of tomorrow, if you want to create environments of trust, be generous in your offerings. Smile, make time, give thanks and share your knowledge. What you invest will come back in productivity and innovation, I promise...

There, you have it...

We genuinely believe organizations that thrive, thrive at an individual level. Therefore, we are in the process of finalizing a new Leadership Development Curriculum (actually testing with one company now), highlighting many elements of self-leadership before leading others and organizations. For more information, you can connect with me here or contact our team at Whirling Chief.

Remember leadership is truly a matter of heart and mind! If anyone tells you otherwise, please immediately look the other way, because let me tell you, they ain't it! :)

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Sesil Pir serves as an active HR Functional Thought Leader, Founder and Principal Consultant of SESIL PIR Consulting GmbH, a management consultancy, focusing on organizational development and effectiveness topics across multi-disciplines and industries, and Founder of Whirling Chief, a global online HR/OD collaboration platform.

Mrs. Pir has been published in the Harvard Business Review, HR Zone and UK’s HR Magazine, and has contributed to several Human Resources Management books.

She started her career as a Marketing Consultant with Deloitte & Touche in 1999. Since, she has worked for Honeywell International, Cargill Inc., Microsoft Corporation and Novartis AG. She holds an MA-HRIR from Carlson School of Management, an Executive MBA from Harvard University, and a BA from Eastern Michigan University. She is a certified Six Sigma in project management and is also certified to administer a variety of 360-degree feedback and organizational Assessment Tools.

She is an honorary faculty at Indian School of Business & Istanbul University. For more information and/or inquiries, please refer here.