The 4 alert stages of this small business owner

I’d like to start with some gratitude. Today (the day before my 48th birthday) I am grateful for quite a few things;

o  My body – at the moment it’s in OK shape. I’m fit enough to run for 1.5-2 hours pretty comfortably. On today’s run I thought a lot, I thought about what the f&%k has been going on the past two weeks. I run trails for a lot of reasons, and one of those reasons is to make sense of the ‘things’ that are going on in my world. I was able to process a lot (well, some) of what this past two weeks has done, been, and what it all means

o  My wife – I have not been good company lately, not good company at all. Sorry. Fortunately Nicola is ‘personally developed’ to a point where she can let my solemn grumpiness go, she knows it’s not about her, and she gets that when things aren’t going well, that I become reclusive, non-communicative and extremely dis-engaged, which does not make me a very good person to be around

o  Our house – luckily it’s pretty big, with lots of space and a huge reserve out the front. This means we’ve got access to space, and that’s very, very important right now

o  My mountain bike, and a stash of running shoes – my bike has been recently serviced and it’s going to get plenty of use over the next month, or more… I’m also very lucky to have a good stock of shoes, I think (hope) I’m going to get through some. I’m sure they’re designed to last less time than the olden days. I’m sure the pair I discovered today, that have two big rips in them, have only been in the game for 3-4 months

Side note; if there’s anyone really needing/wanting a pair of size US 10.5 men’s shoes, please let me know. I’d be happy to donate, we’ll find a way to get them to you

o  Access to trails – trails are like, so damn important to me – so important. They have been a critical part of my life for the last 20+ years, since Total Sport began - those trails became the place where we were able to meet, to connect and challenge ourselves in nature, together

My head, bloody hell. My head has been in some places these last two weeks, mostly up my own ass. I thought I’d try and capture the mental journey (and it has felt very MENTAL alright!) to date as I feel like I’m coming into my own alert level 4 (read on…). I find writing very cathartic, yet not something I seem to be able to do when I’m not calm - and ‘not calm’ has been where I, along with probably most of the nation, have been this last few weeks.

Below is my own alert level system 1 - 4 explained, as it has affected and occurred to me, and my company, Total Sport.

Alert level 1 – aka IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?

This phase started on Sunday 14th March, 6-days out from our biggest event of the year – the Partners Life DUAL. Those of you that know this one may understand the complexity and challenging nature of delivering an event on the gulf islands of Rangitoto and Motutapu. There’s something about that wee stretch of water between the mainland and these islands which creates that challenge to produce…! An event for 2000+ outdoor and nature-loving runners, walkers, mountain-bikers and triathletes. The phone started ringing on Sunday morning, and it didn’t really stop that day. In my heart I knew that we were very likely going to have to cancel the DUAL the next day.

Alert level 2 – aka HOW THE F%&K DO WE DEAL WITH THIS? THIS WASN’T MEANT TO HAPPEN TO LIL’ OLD NZ – WE’RE ALL GOOD DOWN THIS END OF THE WORLD… AREN’T WE?

There’s a few parts to this phase…

Part one; This bit started on Monday 15th March, when the Total Sport team decided we had no possible way of being able to deliver the DUAL event, so we made the call to cancel. Well, a week out from an event of this nature, a LOT has been done, and a LOT of $ has been spent (around 70% of the revenue we discovered). We were in the shit, what were we going to do (a) to communicate this cancellation message effectively and authentically to the participants, our sponsors, stakeholders, suppliers, volunteers etc, and (b) to not become bankrupt in the process of cancelling this event, the biggest in every sense, in our schedule of 20 events.

Part two (a) This one started later that same day, when we went into fight-or-flight mode, and scrambled like an egg to work out what our exact, present financial position was. Were we going to be able to claw any $ back from any of our suppliers, and what were we going to offer the many, many disappointed people who’d trusted us, spent their hard-earned money with us, and expected a bloody good show on Sat?

Part two (b) This one started somewhere around Tue 17th or Wed 18th March when it became clear that we weren’t going to be putting on our next event, The Northpower Wild Kiwi, and then very likely the next one after that, the T42. The penny started to drop that being in the business of putting on events was perhaps not one of the best businesses to be in right now!

During this time my mind went from the micro level (ie. what do we about that event, and that event, and… the TS team can deal with that, they’re good, like real good) to the macro level ie. what does this Covid-19 thing mean for Total Sport? Very quickly we assessed the financial situation of TS, and we came up with our action plan, it was real simple; get every available $ into our bank account that we can, and stop spending any unnecessary $ - immediately. Back onto the phone I went, pleading our case to both our landlords (Auckland and Taupo), insurers, and anyone else that we felt we might be able to get some financial respite from. This bit was 100% about survival.

Somewhere in this phase the economic support package was announced and outlined by the government. We were able to tick the wage subsidy bit. There was going to be no problem showing a minimum 30% reduction in income. This is our good time of the year financially, times are good, and we’re generating an average of $40k+ per week in entry revenue. Since Monday 16th March, we’ve generated $0. This isn’t going to change for a while, so we went from bingo to bugger in a day. We’re not budgeting any revenue for the next 3 months, which is almost exactly how long this business will survive if nothing changes. For now though, we have 12 staff/team members who are working from home (we’re not sure on exactly what) and are on 80% of their salary – that’s something we can be proud of.

Big ups to the government by the way – we submitted our application on the day that the wage subsidy grants were open (along with thousands of other affected businesses), I got a call within 24-hours to check the authenticity of our application, and then the one-off lump sum appeared in our account less than a day later. Less than two days and we at least had a tincy, wincy bit of breathing space.

Alert level 3 – aka I AM FEELING VERY, VERY SORRY FOR MYSELF, MY WORLD IS IN RUINS – WHY ISN’T EVERYONE FEELING SORRY FOR ME?

I’m not exactly sure when this phase started, in all honesty maybe it was on day 1 right back at the start. I was just too caught up in trying to deliver positive messages to the Total Sport team and community, along with finding a way to keep this company going, to feel it then. But then it kicked in. Once we’d dealt with the messaging, and had an idea of how our next 2-3 months might look, as well as getting just enough $ into our bank account to pay the team, along with a few unavoidable bills, I then got right into the phase of feeling fucking sorry for myself.

I would categorise myself in my ‘normal’ state as an empathetic and very positive person, and over the past nearly-20 years in business (this business) we’d got through some pretty flippin big stuff. I’d definitely learnt something about resilience. But this time I just jumped straight into a pretty deep pit of self-pity, and I’ve been here for a while. Why the f%&kdid this have to happen, to the world yeah sure, but to me, and my company – this company that does so much good for people, and is turning 20-years old in August. And this was the year for celebration, not survival. I’ve paid my dues, blah blah blah… And all that stuff, I don’t know, some of you might’ve been here (and maybe still are here) too. And you know what dawned on me somewhere between a hazy IPA and a glass of Shiraz last night… it’s OK and it’s normal to feel this way, and we should give ourselves permission to feel this way.

But we can’t stay forever in this place of helplessness and deep sympathy for ourselves, because in this place there is zero chance of (a) survival, and (b) future success, once the storm passes, and it will pass.

Alert level 4 – aka ACCEPTANCE AND EMPATHY, WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS, AND OUT THE OTHER SIDE GOOD THINGS WILL COME.

This last phase of my small business owners alert level system started nearly two weeks after the s&%t hit the fan. I woke up today feeling good, not just ‘oh god, can this day just get done so I can go back to bed, to sleep and just escape again for a bit’. The feelings of depression and self-pity lifted somewhat, and I felt a whole lot lighter. I felt more present with my wife and my kids. I’m still struggling a bit with my dog, who pissed on the carpet, so the jury’s still out on Tico – he’s OK though, and taking him for several walks daily with the family is actually quite nice.

And I got to a point where I’ve stopped trying to control this thing, which again can be pretty hard for a person of my nature, along with being a business owner and being for the most part, in control – people like me like to think we can make things happen when and where the way we want to see them happen. Well, this Covid-19 thing is going to do its thing, and we aren’t going to make it go away by telling ourselves that we usually get what we want in this life. We need to find a way to step back, breathe, do what we can do (next week it’s the Total Sport business continuity plan), and roll with these regular punches being dished out.

And on the other side… well I for one really, actually truly do now believe that we’ll get back to work at some stage. Someone told me that they thought that we were in THE event of our lifetimes, and I believe that. Business, but not just business, all things will be different when C-19 isn’t such a thing anymore. Out of adversity and challenge can come opportunity and success and many other good things – I believe that.

We’ll get back into doing what we love the most, which is getting like-minded people into nature, connecting and challenging themselves – together.