The 3ft Rule & How It Changed My Life Forever

The "3-foot rule of engagement" in the context of networking, sales, or personal development, refers to a principle where an individual commits to initiating a conversation with anyone who comes within three feet of them. This rule is often used in business networking or direct sales and aims at maximizing opportunities for personal or business interactions.

Here’s how it works:

• Proximity: If a person comes within three feet of you, they are considered within your engagement zone.
• Initiation: You should take the initiative to start a conversation. This could be anything from a greeting to a comment about the environment or an open-ended question.
• Opportunity: The underlying goal is to identify any potential for a meaningful connection, whether it be for business, networking, or social purposes.

The 3-foot rule of engagement encourages proactive social interactions, with the idea that everyone around you could be a potential client, business partner, friend, or connection. It is particularly popular in network marketing and among entrepreneurs as a strategy to expand one's network and business opportunities.        

April 10, 2019, coming back from the Restaurant Leadership Conference (RLC), I found myself bouncing through Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport, whistling a tune and on my way to gate A5 to get ready for boarding. I had just finished lunch with my brother, (a Phoenix local) at one of the airport’s restaurants and was smiling to myself, having just read a text that came in from some friends on the Restaurant 365 team who were also making their way through the airport and were looking to verify that the carefree whistle they heard drifting across the airport was indeed me. Yes, I’m a chronic whistler, guessing it’s a combination of my grandpa's influence on me (a talented whistler) and the result of my neurodivergent brain in need of constant stimulation.

Anyhow, on to my story. As I was walking up to my departing gate, I was intent on finding a spot where I could plug in my devices to get them topped off before hopping on the flight back to Tampa. A few rows away from the attendants' podium, I saw an open seat with a plug that was lit up and working. Score! What I also noticed at the time was the person sitting next to that open spot. I’ll never forget her face, this moment in time and the gate number now etched into my memory forever. She was beautiful, petite, with long blond hair, giant sunglasses, and a look on her face that said, “I’m not to be trifled with, and I may or may not have had too much fun last night before I left the resort.”

Not sure about any of you, but I have two distinct sides to my personality. In my work life, I’m an outgoing and driven networker that is wired to work the room and connect with as many people as possible, prompting comments like “I bet you’ve never met a stranger.” And then there is the other side of me when I’m not operating as a representative of a business. Two completely different personas. At home and in noncommercial settings, I’m kind of a wallflower. With my family, I’m of course comfortable in my own skin and as loud and over the top as my reputation holds. It’s when I’m in unfamiliar surroundings and public events that I tend to withdraw and get a bit reserved. A great example is at parties and social events. If I am at an industry event or party, I know why I’m there and operate with purpose. Fluidly moving from one conversation to the next, glad-handing, cross-pollinating, and working the room with both confidence and intention. At home, this is a completely different story; in fact, in most social settings, I’m the polar opposite. Quiet, bordering on reserved, and often find myself hanging out with a family dog at parties. I suppose the reason is, with the dog, the pressure is off; I don’t have to be clever or interesting, I get the dog and the dog gets me. It’s an exchange of scritches for companionship and the comfort of not getting stuck in a rut of casual small talk. Not sure if anyone else suffers from the same anxieties or gets what I'm talking about when it comes to the comfort of hanging with the dog.

Anyhow, that social anxiety is something I have been deliberately working to break for years. Imposter syndrome is a real thing and I’m sure does play a part in my social interactions. Here enters the 3 ft rule. In 2009, I noticed I had this social tick that wasn’t doing me any favors and after some reading and self-reflection figured out that if I cracked THAT code, my life would likely be easier as a result. So, I decided to embrace the 3 ft rule and see where that got me. Of course, I immediately applied it for professional networking and industry events and the results were incredible. I’d strike up conversations with anyone in my 3ft radius and the impact it made was almost immediate. One instance landed me in a long conversation with Fred Deluca (Subway Founder), another turned into singing for a room full of people at a suite party with Don Fox (Firehouse Subs) accompanying on piano, another found me on a yacht on lake Michigan with a random Saudi prince and his entourage I met at another suite party during NRA and of course all the occasions that led to meeting the people who would later become my cherished friends, mentors and business partners.

So here I am, I just sat down at gate A5, I'm rifling through my backpack, and sneaking glances at the vision sitting next to me while debating if I should or shouldn't say something. What do I do next? Luckily for me I am working my 3ft rule which in this case is about to set in motion a sequence of events that would forever change my life in all the best ways possible.

All around me are my fellow travelers who for the most part, almost all of them are faces down, staring at their phones or tablets. In fact, I’m guessing you might agree, that’s the case EVERYWHERE we go these days. Most people seem to be stuck with their heads at a semi-permanent 45-degree angle looking down at some “connected” device. The problem it seems to me is that despite the “connected” nature of these devices, we as a society are more disconnected from each other than at any other time in human history. NO ONE IS LOOKING UP!!!

So I forced myself to look up, I initiated a conversation with the woman next to me, despite my anxiety. And guess what, she was even more lovely to talk to than I would have imagined. For the next hour we sat together chatting about life, and at some point, during the conversation, Pam (that's her name) asked if I’d like a coffee from the Starbucks in the neighboring terminal, and I happily accepted. After she left to get our drinks, I couldn’t help but tell her traveling companions how pretty and incredible I thought she was, and how much I was enjoying the conversation with her. Honestly, I had never felt so comfortable out of the gate (or at gate A5 in this case) with any person in my entire life.

Something in my heart told me then, that this was it and my time was now.        

The reality of the moment is that as I was sitting in Phoenix, I was also at the end of a long-term relationship and wasn’t thinking about getting into anything new for a while with anyone. And then this happened. So as the gate agent announced group 2 boarding, I gathered my things and got up to get in line. As I did, something told me to stop and take charge of the moment. I turned to Pam and said, “Hey, I’m not sure how to go about this, but I really enjoyed talking to you and would love to get to know you better. My name is Michael Beck, and here is my card. If you ever want to get together when we get back home, I’d be stoked to hang out” (Yeah I know, terribly cringy and in my defense was 8 years out of practice at that time). Pam didn’t do or say anything at first and then she snapped into action and snatched the card from my hand and said, “If you didn’t make a move, I was going to tackle you before you got on the plane.” We both laughed and my heart nearly burst with the excitement and bloom of hope, validation and of course the spark I was feeling.

So now I’m on the plane, sitting in my seat 6C, in the bulkhead. The flight continues to board, Pam enters the doorway, smiles, gives a little wave, card in hand, and walks past me to sit somewhere back in row 29.

As the plane completes the boarding process, it turns out that seats A and B next to me are empty. So I figured what would it hurt if I asked the flight attendant to see if it would be okay to invite my new friend to come up and sit with me for the journey home. The flight attendant patiently and kindly responded something like, “Sir, as much as I’d like to do this, you are in a premium seat and we can’t accommodate that at this time.” Disappointed, I accepted her answer and sat there for a bit longer. Well, the plane finished boarding, the doors closed, and we took flight. Once we got to altitude, I couldn’t get her out of my mind, especially knowing she was so close by. So I figured what the hell, I’ll take another run at this and called the flight attendant back over. “Excuse me, miss, I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a completely crazy person, but here it is… The two seats next to me are empty and I think my future wife is sitting in the back of the plane. Is there any way we could make an exception and see if she’d like to come up here?” The flight attendant took a knee next to me, leaned in, and she whispered kind of loudly and with energy, “Are you F@cking with me?” I said, “No, absolutely not, and I don’t know how to explain this.” The flight attendant got up, looked down at me, and said softly, “I’ll be right back, I’m going to check into this and see what I can do.”

The backstory here is at this moment in time I am 48, never been married and never got it in my head to ask anyone the big question. But with her I knew right then.          

Next thing I know, as I look to the back of the plane, I see that the entire flight crew that isn’t the pilot or co-pilot is all surrounding Pam’s seat. And it seems she is going through some serious Q&A. A short time after that, the flight crew makes their way up the aisle to my seat with Pam in tow. They say something to her like, “Let us know if you need anything or if you would like to go back to your seat.” And they as a group sort of present her to me and I, of course, invite her to sit down. From there, it was better than I ever expected. Our 5-hour flight felt like 15 minutes. We talked the entire time and were lost in our conversation and connection.

So that’s the story. Here I am now, writing this piece, together with Pam for 5 years, and married for 4 of them. The best years of my life, with the best fit I could ever imagine, both of us having found “our person.” All because of the 3 ft rule.

The moral of the story, folks, is LOOK UP… There is an entire multiverse of opportunity and causality associated with our natural inclinations to connect with other people. If I or the woman that is my wife today were staring at our phones, none of this would have ever happened. I have a feeling that for many, the phone has become their mobile version of the dog at the party. There is comfort in not engaging or putting yourself out there. There is safety and comfort in not risking rejection or judgment. And there is also the promise of more of the same if we choose that route for ourselves.

“If you do only what you can do, you will never be anything more than what you are now.” Sifu

I encourage everyone reading this to experiment with this idea, put down the phone, resist the urge to use it as a social shield, and embrace the idea of connecting with the people around you. Truth is, you never know where it might take you, and that a completely different life could be waiting around the corner of your next introduction or conversation.

Stop playing it safe and take some leaps...        

To my wife Pam, thank you for looking up, taking the leap of faith, and sitting next to me on that flight. Happy Anniversary, my love. You are my world, and I am so thankful for the relationship we have, the life we’ve built, and the dreams we are working towards together.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”—Ferris Bueller        

#lookup #3ftrule #rlc