38 Years of Music and Death

38 YEARS OF MUSIC AND DEATH

Donalyn Gross, Ph.D. CMP

Music touches everyone in a very personal way and offers diverse beneficial effects. Just as a person experiences the various rhythms of life, the end of life has its own cadence. As the final stages of dying approach, there is a diminished emphasis on “cure”. More attention is focused on providing comfort and dignity. Dying encompasses a myriad of physical and emotional states, including pain, anxiety, anger, fear and depression. To alleviate these stressors, some providers have enlisted the services of Certified Music Practitioners to create a peaceful environment by playing harp at the bedside.

Therapeutic music has been shown to help caregivers, staff, those recovering from surgery, new mothers and babies, dementia patients, the chronically and critically ill, and even animals. It can reduce blood pressure, augments pain management, and facilitates the transition from life to death.

Certified Music Practitioners differ from Music Therapists. Whereas music therapists actively involve or instruct the patient in the process of creating sound, a Certified Music Practitioner plays directly to the actively dying patient to relieve stress and promote a dignified and gentle passing.

The harp has always been an instrument related to comfort and peace. The resonance, range and tones create a bond between sound and the recipient. When playing for the dying, the music should not be recognizable, but rather improvised- I’m sure many in the health professions have witnessed when someone is dying, often a radio is playing “oldies” or “classical” music. As a CMP, we are taught when someone is dying, you don’t’ want to play recognizable music, because you don’t want to “bring that person back”. You don’t want to interfere with the process of letting go by playing songs they might know. We play according to breathing patterns- improvised melodies. Then again, I’ve worked with people who’ve told me “I want to die to such and such music”, and want a radio or CD, which we honor. I played for a man who wanted to “go” to classic rock- for 9 hours! And then he died peacefully. If you don’t have access to a live therapeutic musician (which also includes violin, Indian flute, drums, chanting, guitar), it is recommended birdsong, ocean, wind chimes, any nature sounds, or music by Yanni and Enya, New Age musicians.

The first time I played for a patient, her two grandsons were there. They wanted to stay and listen. A few minutes later, all three were snoring. For a moment I felt insulted, but then realized the music had the correct effect- they were relaxed and comfortable enough to let go. Families have told me that their loved one “waited for you to come and play”.

One cold December day I played for a woman. Her family crowded around her on the bed. Suddenly there was a flash of light and crash of thunder. She died right at that moment. One of her daughters turned to me with a smile and tears in her eyes and said, “She died to your music”.

I’ve been told by many nurses that they feel more at ease, making it easier to go about their jobs when they know someone is providing comforting music.

“Half an hour of music produces the same effect as 10mgs. of Valium”

says Raymond Bahr, MD., Head of Coronary Care Unit, St. Agnes Hospital, Baltimore, MD.

“Music can be a crucially important aspect of therapy. Whenever I get a book on neurology or psychology, the first thing I look up in the index is music, and if it’s not there, I close the book”. Oliver Sacks, MD, Columbia U. Medical Center, NY.

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I became interested in death and dying as a child- my father was a physician; my mother a nurse. In high school I worked in area nursing homes, and it really bothered me, seeing so many people “dumped”, “abandoned” and dying alone. In the 1960’s Elisabeth Kubler-Ross showed up with her studies of death, dying and bereavement, and I joined the bandwagon. Through my college years, I attended as many end-of-life workshops as possible, took as many courses as I could find, and volunteered in hospice programs, As a social worker, I worked in nursing homes, correctional facilities, hospitals,  and provided workshops on death and dying. I’ve been teaching Death, Dying and Bereavement at Bay Path University for 15 years, and created the Good Endings Program, of educational materials (books, DVD, and music CD’s I’ve written/performed) for healthcare facilities to use. My “Music for the Dying” harp CD is available at cdbaby.com. My latest book, “What Does Death Look Like?” is available at Xlibris.com, or Amazon. In 38 years, I’ve been honored to sit with hundreds of dying patients. I’ve seen good and bad deaths. I’ve seen sad and happy deaths, I’ve seen unexpected, lingering and swift deaths. My colleagues lovingly call me “Morgueticia”.

As of this writing, I’ve played and sat vigil for over 300 patients, and have recently retired from playing harp at an area nursing home this past June. I still give death and dying workshops at Bay Path, and provide training for healthcare professionals. My book, “What Does Death Look Like?” is sold on Amazon, and my “Music for the Dying” harp CD is sold on cdbaby.com.  I tell my friends “In my next life I’m going to be a nurse, secretary, teacher……someone who gets a steady paycheck and benefits”, but I know I probably won’t. For over 43 years, I’ve been a professional musician (singing and playing keyboards in rock and roll bands since the 60’s). What can I say? My life has been Death and Music. And I’ve loved every minute!

Please feel free to contact me at – [email protected].