#38 My 40th Birthday, Lisbon, The Food Temple, and Rediscovering Purpose and Passion in Leadership

I just celebrated my 40th birthday with a group of close friends in Lisbon, and it was all the things I had hoped it would be (and more!). Women from different corners of my life, none of them having met before, came together for a weekend filled with stories, laughter, great food, amazing weather, and deep conversations. One friend I met in college in Claremont, another during study abroad in Vienna, and the other in Dublin when we worked together. We each had a different journey to share, and some colorful life stories emerged.

One friend is from a German mother and American father, with step-siblings scattered around. She grew up in the U.S. but now lives in Germany with her partner. Another has a Russian-Canadian Jewish background, born in the U.S., and has lived in countries like Kyrgyzstan, now settled in Israel. The third is closest to my story—Turkish parents, grew up in Turkey, now lives in the UK with her Italian husband, raising a multilingual and multi-cultural child.

As we shared our diverse backgrounds over a glass of wine, it struck me how we were all so different, yet connected so easily. That’s the beauty of diversity—it’s more than just variety; it’s a bridge. It adds color, depth, and a richness to life that’s hard to replicate. It got me thinking about the people I naturally gravitate toward—and how I attract a similar type of person. Our uniqueness binds us, and that’s a beautiful thing.

As we were talking about some career crossroads some of us are currently facing or have recently encountered, the conversation turned to something deeper:

What would you do if money, expectations, and societal norms weren’t an issue?

What truly makes you lose track of time?

What gives you that deep sense of purpose?

These are the same questions I often explore with clients in coaching sessions, and yet there we were— a group of women who, by societal standards, had achieved a lot—reflecting on them together over a delicious dinner.

For most of our lives, we followed the "plan."

The script was quite similar regardless of the diverse backgrounds and upbringings we came from: We went to good schools, got good grades, landed impressive jobs with prestigious companies. By all societal measures, we were ticking off the boxes of success. And yet, as we sat there in one of my favorite restaurants of all time, The Food Temple, none of us had a ready-thought, crystal-clear answer to the question:

What would you do (on a day to day basis) if money, expectations, and societal norms weren’t an issue?

One friend spoke about dancing. Another talked about reading books. One is currently studying to become a nutritionist. Painting nails was floated around. Some form of art? Maybe. We do all like to travel, could we just travel for life like there is no tomorrow? I, of course, have my coaching in which I find great satisfaction and fulfillment.

We were circling around passion, and it was clear that each one of us had lost our mojo at different points in our careers. What was much meaningful to me was how The Food Temple seemed to represent exactly what we were talking about. It's a small, unpretentious spot, run by people who are simply passionate about making delicious, organic vegan food. IT's shockingly inexpensive and amazingly warm. They aren’t chasing Michelin stars, but the experience rivals some of the best restaurants in the world. They’re doing what they love, without the pressure of external validation.

I thought of the Food Temple again when I recently read an article in The Economist about the burden of getting a Michelin star. For many chefs, achieving that pinnacle of success brings enormous pressure. They become trapped by expectations—forever working to maintain the standard, afraid to experiment or return to the joy that brought them into the kitchen in the first place. In a way, it becomes a curse.

I couldn’t help but wonder—is the same true for those of us in the corporate world?

We climb the ladder, get the fancy title, secure the big paycheck, and somewhere along the way, we stop asking ourselves what we actually love doing.

Does success become a golden cage?

This is something I work with leaders on often. Many of the executives I coach have shiny, impressive careers. They’ve made it. By every external measure, they’re successful. And yet, when we dig deeper, it’s clear they’ve stopped asking themselves the very question we pondered over dinner:

What lights me up? What’s my real purpose?

In my leadership coaching programs, this is one of the core topics we explore. So many people reach a point in their careers where they’ve followed the script perfectly—only to realize they’re not entirely sure where that script is taking them. They’ve hit every milestone, but somewhere along the way, they forgot to check in with themselves about where they’re headed and, more importantly, why they’re headed there.

Leaders who take the time to reconnect with what truly matters to them often experience a profound shift. When they strip away the layers of expectation and societal pressure, they rediscover what drives them. Whether it’s making a bigger impact, finding balance, or reigniting a long-forgotten passion, this kind of clarity leads to a renewed sense of purpose. Because, at the end of the day, success without purpose feels empty.

So, I leave you with this question:

What would you do if no one was watching?

If no one had expectations of you?

And most importantly, does the life you’re living today align with that answer?

Hi! I'm Merve. ?? I help leaders build high trust, high performance teams, grow their business impact, and advance their careers.

My Momentum Leadership Mastery program launches on October 14th. If you are a seasoned professional ready to elevate your leadership, leverage your strengths, and drive greater success in your career, whilst staying true to your purpose, this program is for you. Get more information or register directly here.