38 Lessons

Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes.? Every year I’m one of those people teenaged Matt would have rolled his eyes at (he was such a rebel). I spend the week up to my birthday in meditation about what I learned from last year and what I am going to keep in mind in the coming year. I read my little journal entries and remind myself of the things that helped me grow, and the things I still need to learn. I try to write down one thing for each year I have been on this planet to remind myself in the future of who I was in this moment.?

If you’ve been on my socials for a while, you know I do it and if you’re new here I swear I will try not to talk about it for the rest of the year (try is the operative word). So, here is the recap for 38 years:??

1. Composure - A superpower I intend to cultivate more of this year.? Don’t underestimate the power to be calm when surrounded by chaos.? When you do it enough, people not only notice - but they come to rely on you. It also has the added benefit of really annoying folks that try to ruffle your feathers.?
2. Shoulders Back - Have a personal physical cue to remind your body to listen to your mind. A physical act that helps center yourself when confronted with challenges.
3. Be Vulnerable - I was reminded fairly recently how talking about your struggles publicly is not a weakness, but rather vulnerability turned into strength. Don’t be afraid to not only admit your flaws, but celebrate them.
4. Timing - I cannot for the life of me master this one. But, when I see opportunities and move on them, it’s possibly the most important instinctual moment I have every year.? Moving, speaking, listening, and doing nothing all at the right time unlocks so much in one’s life. Learn to time it out.?
5. Gratitude - I say it every year and every year it gets more important. Broke? Be grateful for the ramen. In pain? Be grateful for the ability to walk, to breathe, to laugh.? Everyone takes things for granted, but if you remember to be thankful, you attract astounding events, gifts, and most importantly: people.
6. AITAF - This last year as I was traversing challenges amongst unfriendly faces, I started an end-of-week ritual: “Am I the Asshole Fridays”.? A very real check-in with myself to ask the important question of: “Was I the asshole this week?” I can’t recommend it enough.? It’s allowed me to approach more people with kindness, and at times even allowed me to sit in my own personal strength.? As you mature in your personal life & work life, conflicts happen.? Ask yourself:?

• Was I the asshole? Did I want to be? Did I need to be?? Was I a force for good? Do I want to change my approach going forward?? Did I listen? Was I kind??

1. Feel the Feeling - Don’t hide or rationalize it away.? Feel the feeling now and then let it go. Positive or negative: make time to feel the feeling.?
2. Write It Down -? Or, paint it, sculpt it, act it out, BUT PRODUCE SOMETHING to get those intense feelings out.? You can’t purge them by consuming, you can only rid yourself of those emotions by producing.? Is it art? Is it a business plan? Whatever it is - create something.
3. Habits - Know when to make ‘em and know when to break ‘em. Allow yourself the freedom to change.??
4. Be Wrong - Revel in it. Take risks that may put you in the wrong.? Say things that a smarter person will correct you on. Fail - and love the failure.?
5. Expect Nothing Back - This one is hard. Give without thanks. Work without expectation. Be kind without reward.? The only person bound by your principles is you. Expect nothing and never be disappointed.?
6. Equal Measure - People in your life show up in different ways.? No one can give 100% all the time and nowadays a lot of people can’t give 15% some of the time.? Recognize ways to help, but help in equal measure.?
7. Love with Conditions - I can’t underline this enough.? We as humans are incapable of unconditional love.? And if you are capable, stop it.? I can’t love you if you are cruel. I can’t love you if you hurt yourself or me. My love comes with boundaries and if you go beyond those boundaries, I can’t love you over there.
8. Be Quiet & Do It Anyway - Stop broadcasting your next move. You don’t need input from people, even those you trust and respect, until the thing is done. Once you finish, then put it to the test.??
9. Be Uncomfortable - If you find yourself in a phase of your life that is smooth and easy without disruption, disrupt it yourself.? Comfort will not help you grow.?
10. Exercise - Listen, I know it sucks but as you age you’re gonna be in pain no matter what.? With exercise you get to choose when to feel that pain, and you get to use it for a greater purpose. Cardio helps you today, weight lifting helps you next week, and stretching helps you when you’re 80.?
11. Rest - Find time to do nothing. Feel no guilt about it.? Feel no shame.? Have no time limit on it.?
12. Treat Yo’ Self - Seriously, spoil yourself when you can. No one should love you more than you.?
13. Get a Hobby - Don’t get a side hustle. Don’t get a second income stream. Just have the thing in your life you do for the joy of doing it.? For example, my hobby is continually getting new hobbies.??
14. Learn to Cook - Seriously, if you get to a certain age and you can’t cook for yourself or others yet… find a recipe.? Feed people & feed yourself.?
15. Go Outside - If you haven’t touched grass, or climbed a tree, or hiked a mountain in the last two weeks get your butt outside.? If you have a hard time planning those types of trips, find that friend that makes you go outside anyway.?
16. Say Goodbye Like You Mean It - As you get older and your friends and family move further away or move on, your visits are so much more precious.? You’ve already seen someone you love for the last time. Say hello like you mean it. Say goodbye like it’s the last time.?
17. Enjoy Aging - The only people that hate getting older are people that aren’t that thrilled with life anyway.? Don’t fall into the number trap.? When you get called “sir” call them “young man” right back.? Enjoy the privileges, challenges, and blessings of aging.??
18. You’ve Got to Recognize Yourself When You Look in the Mirror -? Get the facial, use the retinol, moisturize, inject, cut, lift, tuck etc.? WHO CARES? As long as you see yourself looking back at you: do it.?
19. Korean BBQ - Stop inviting me to all-you-can-eat situations and expecting me to be “demure”.... Friggin’ amateurs.?
20. Humor - The jokes don’t always land. If you want to be funny, say the thing and accept the consequences.??
21. Knight in Shining Armor - There is no ethical politician. There are no ethical billionaires. There is no executive that knows it all. There is no tall, dark, handsome, stranger that fixes all your problems or the problems of the world. There is no Superman and perhaps more importantly, the very concept of a hero like that is broken.? Fix the thing yourself and stop trusting that there is someone or something that knows all the answers.?
22. Find the Helpers - They’re there still. Just like they were when Mr. Rogers told us that years ago.??
23. Be Alone - And, love being alone.?
24. Be Together - And, love that too.?
25. Seek Relationships, Not Romance - Maybe it’s just me, but the most rewarding relationships of my life have nothing to do with romance. Stop trying to find love and just seek connection.? Seek to understand, and to be understood.?
26. Echo Chambers - Avoid ‘em.? Talk to the person or people you disagree with.? Be challenged and most importantly listen.? Often, folks agree on more than they think they do.? The challenge becomes communicating in a different way and removing judgement from those communications.?
27. Talk to Strangers IRL - Seriously, so much of our personal lives are now outsourced to apps, to platforms, and tech in general.? Look up from your phone, make awkward eye contact with that cutie at the bar, and risk rejection or acceptance.?
28. Talk to Yourself - I have started a practice of talking to young Matthew to thank him for all the challenges he’s had to face. I hope he knows how grateful I am for beating cancer, building a family from nothing, and working towards success.? I talk to old Matt too and tell that guy I hope he appreciates these pushups because holy crap am I tired.?
29. There are Worse Things Than Being Tired - When I was going through chemo this was something I promised myself I’d remember and I’ve fallen off of it a bit this year. If you’ve known me a long time you know there’s nothing I like more than taking a little power nap. Being tired when I’m working or playing can feel like such an insurmountable challenge… and I need to get over that. There’s worse things than being tired.??
30. No More Comparisons - My success looks different than other people’s success. My goals are wily and weird and I love them.? I do not need the same things that my friends and colleagues do in order to achieve happiness.?
31. Be Gayer - This one might be just for a select group, but I stand by it.?
32. Share the Silly Idea - Like, writing a post about 38 lessons for 38 years.?

With love, and hopes for another 38 at least,?