36 lessons at 36 years old

Each year we get older, it gives us a time to reflect. So as I turned 36 at the weekend, here’s 36 musings, rules, beliefs that I currently hold and am pondering.

Read them, think about them, apply them if you think they’re relevant and will help you on the path you’re on.

Here they are;

1. Happiness is achieved by being content with less, anxiety is created by always expecting more.

2. You've never arrived. You level up. Growth never ends if you don’t want it to, there’s always a better version of yourself if you’re willing to keep going.

3. Accept that growth is great but you can’t have it all, all the time. If you want it all, it's most probably going to cost you your happiness.

4. Nothing's permanent. This helps you when going through bad times. Also true when all is going great, it won't last. Flow with the ups and downs of life and you will have a lot less internal resistance.

5. Water is the easiest start to getting healthy. Drink most of it in the first half of your day, aim for 40-45ml per kg bodyweight. Add quality salt. This is the simplest thing to focus on to manage hunger, detox, increase energy and improve your health.

6. All or nothing doesn’t work in the long run. It can be a short term start like rehab, a quick diet or phase of life. Sometimes you have to change the environment to increase success. You can’t always just change 1 thing at a time if old triggers are still around. Take yourself out of the bad environment, set up the new version of you, then reintegrate your new health habits into a modified environment. Your habits fall back to the quality of your environment, use this knowledge to make your environment greater than your will power.

7. When you pay, you pay attention, invest in yourself. You won’t value free advice. Research who is good, what works and pay for it, otherwise you’ll just be sitting on the best information with no action being taken. Action is what creates results, not information.

8. Working out is essential for physical and mental health. Without a decision to intentionally struggle for your greater good, you will always have some sort of physical or mental stress. Aim to exercise at least 3-5 times per week depending on what you can manage and your goals. Change how hard or easy you workout depending on how you feel.

9. Practice taking time away from things you love… just because. It’s good to know you’re not a slave to your vices. Alcohol, coffee, social media, smart phones etc. They are all useful when we use them but they can quickly end up using us. When that happens, your health declines. Take 1 week off at least, set up rules, be objective. It’s easy to get drawn in.

10. Do everything in your power to not be sick. Being injured, sick or out of action doesn’t feel good. Working out and being healthy improves the quality of your life, it’s an invested time and effort that will keep you going for decades. So you have more life in your years and not just declining your health as you age.

11. Quality relationships are priceless. As you age, people have their own thing going on and will surprise you with what they do (or don’t do). Don’t take it personal, but when you do have that friend or loved one that’s there for you, let them know you appreciate them and return the favour to them and others.

12. Success is simple, it’s just not easy, and it takes time and effort. In most areas of life, being in the top 10-20% is simple. A few principles repeated consistently most days, for long enough and you will succeed. Eat healthy often enough and long enough and you will lose fat. Save and invest in a stable fund consistently enough and long enough and you will get wealthy. If you want to be more successful, you have to do a bit more than the basics, but do the simple stuff first and it will get you 80-90% of the way there.

13. Doing nothing is just as important as doing everything. Being too busy creates confusion and stress. The hardest and most productive workers will “plan to not plan”. Take time out without being on their phone and immerse themselves in a hobby, task or conversation. Meditation, silence, breaks… all help maintain quality work. Don’t be afraid of the thoughts in your head. Explore them in silence, on holiday, while walking, they will tell you something you need to know.

14. Breathe. Most people don’t know how to breathe properly. Nasal breathing brings down stress levels, practice it. Do it when doing cardio, during the day, walking, sleeping. Practice breath-work techniques if you need more help.

15. Having a child will teach you more about yourself than you could ever teach them. When done right, it’s the most challenging, fulfilling, selfless and rewarding thing you could ever do.

16. Laugh more. Life’s too short to take it too serious. If you haven’t had a good laugh in a while, call an old friend, do something fun/crazy. Kids are the best teachers for this, they live a pure life until society tells them how to be an adult and we all forget how to have fun.

17. Set goals. Without a destination, no road is good enough, no wind is favourable, no sea is smooth enough. We need to have something to work towards (for ourselves) so we can make our lives a better version of we want, not what someone else wants. Don’t be afraid of changing the destination at times. 5-10 years goals require a different version of us and that sometimes gives us lessons. This means we might not always want what we first set out to get. Have purpose and intention but be adaptable.

18. Help others. The most rewarding and fulfilling thing in the world is to help someone be who they want to be. That can be choosing a career that helps people or just being a good friend who listens. Be kind, don’t judge and help others when you can. Side note, not everyone wants to be helped or is ready to be helped so don’t force your opinion or judgement on them.

19. Health, wealth, relationships and faith/purpose/spirituality. Get all of these in a good place and you can’t go wrong in life.

20. Spend money on things no one can take away from you, not “stuff”. Experiences, holidays, education, knowledge. These are what make life truly valuable… memories. If you do buy nice things, don’t be attached to them because they might not always be there.

21. Men, (and ladies) don’t be afraid to speak about how you feel. Keeping emotions inside you will make you sick, create anxiety and stress. This is the hardest thing to do if you haven’t been taught how to growing up but it will help you feel better.

22. Break the chain. Trauma is individual. Everyone has some form of it. Life happens. Big or small issues can hang around for decades. It’s up to you to face your issues head on so you don’t pass them onto your children or let it effect those that care about you. This never stops, always look to be aware of your own issues.

23. Scare yourself. It’s easy to get comfortable as you get older. You know what you like, and you know what you don’t like. Our brains and bodies need stimulus so be careful of living the same life for 30+ years. If you don’t do something different, you risk not living before you die. Do something outside your comfort zone every now and then. Something new, unexplored territory. This won’t feel nice at first but it will create resilience, growth and excitement.

24. Never be too old, fit, smart, good or wealthy to learn lessons. You can always be humbled. Learn from everyone, be ready to fail, and keep going.

25. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. If you don’t like who you are, change your crowd. This doesn’t happen straight away. Add 1 person at a time. Someone better than you or where you want to be. You don’t have to cut out people who don’t serve you but be super weary of how they make you feel and limit your time with them if you don’t feel good.

26. Question your truths. Truths can be subjective. You might feel a certain way about something, but there might also be a better way. Is what you’re doing right now really serving you? Look at your habits, routines, behaviours and beliefs. Question them all.

27. Track the data. Data not drama. Our perceptions, opinions and beliefs can cloud the facts. Measure your weight, your body fat, your waist. Track your net worth, income vs expenses. Score your relationships honestly. Data can surprise you. Your opinion is hard to keep objective and is influenced by emotions. Don’t be afraid of the numbers.

28. Be grateful. There’s a lot of negative things in the world that can take you away from what matters. Find things in your life you’re grateful for and you will be happier. Write 3 things in the morning and in the evening to set you up for a good day and a good sleep.

29. Protect your sleep. Know your numbers. Some people thrive on 5 hours, others need 8+. Find what works best for you and find a routine that you can stick to. Bed same time every night. No heavy meals, alcohol or too much water before bed. No caffeine at all ideally but none after 10 hours before bed. Low light, no technology 1 hour before bed. No phone in your room, you’ll be too tempted. Get your room as dark as possible and make it cool. People who sleep more are happier, live longer, are less depressed, have more muscle and less fat. Make it happen.

30. Eat quality protein. Protein is essential for many processes in your body. If you want to thrive, eat enough. Lean how much protein you need and what that looks like. Have a rough idea of what you need each day and stick to it. Most people will need 1.6-2.2 grams or protein per kg bodyweight per day, split out evenly between 3-6 meals per day.

31. Fast. Don’t eat for 12-24 hours. The longer the fast, the less frequent you need to do it. Fasting helps regulate blood sugar and hunger. The longer you do it, the more health benefits it has for clearing out bad and damaged cells in your body. It’s a good tool for fat loss but not the only one, a Calorie deficit with enough protein is the main focus. If you’re trying to build as much muscle as possible, don’t go extreme with fasting but still use it. It teaches you that it’s ok to be hungry, increases alertness and productivity too. Use it to appreciate food too.

32. Celebrate your wins. When you work hard for something you can be humble, but give yourself credit when you win. Enjoy it, feel it, live it. It makes it more worthwhile. If you can celebrate with loved ones who support you, even better.

33. Acceptance is the key to happiness. Hope for the best, plan for the worst and accept whatever comes your way. If you fail, it can be due to a number of things. Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and know you’re not ready or good enough yet. Other times, it’s not within your control. Be happy knowing you can only do your best and fate will deal with the rest.

34. Journal. Your thoughts are nothing in your head. When you write down what’s going on, it can often help make sense of it all. Having a daily or weekly journaling practice can often make sense of it all and give you answers you didn’t know you already had. Plan time with no distractions when you just write for the sake of writing.

35. Don’t grudge spending money on your health or you might not have a choice to have to spend it on your sickness. The most painful thing to watch is someone who hasn’t looked after their health with a serious medical condition. It’s too late to change at that point. Start now, spend what you can and you will get many years back in productivity, clarity and quality of life.

36. Be happy. All these points are just observations based on 36 years of living and trying to be a better man. Rules are great and an ideal to work towards but don’t be a slave to them. Trying to be the best and chasing happiness often makes you miss what’s in front of you. There’s a parable of a Mexican fisherman and investment banker. The fisherman catches a fish in the morning every day to go home to his wife and eat it for lunch. Long story short, the investor tells the fisherman to grow his business, to get more boats, have a fleet, catch more fish, become a franchise and be wealthy and rich. The fisherman asks why. The investor replies, so you can retire, catch a fish then have lunch with your wife. Your wealth and happiness is yours to create. Don’t get lost in the rat race. Be happy now. Bruce Lee said “Be happy, but never satisfied”. Meaning that you should be happy regardless, chase goals without being a slave to them.

Use these rules to make your own best life. Take 1 of them and apply what you think might help you most.

Let me know what one you liked best.