#35: 'You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want' Zig Ziglar. Let's Talk about Networking.

When I say the word ‘Networking’, most people shudder inside. Their thoughts are of:

• I’ve no idea what to say.
• In a room full of people, I lack confidence.
• I’m not sure what I get from it.

The third phrase is usually an excuse for the first two. Let's talk about Networking, the what, the how, and the why.

The Lonely Prawn

It was 1996, I was in my mid-twenties, and I'd been invited to the World Prawn Forum – yes, it was a thing! I was the Fish Buyer for Sainsbury’s. The invite was a thick piece of card, embossed with gold lettering, and swanky as you like. So, I knew it had to a ‘posh do’, as my Mum would say.

The days leading up to the 'do' I tried several times to convince my boss that it would be a waste of my time and how busy I was, but he was steadfast, ‘We buy a big percentage of the world's prawns, and we must attend’. He was right, of course (I never liked him for always being right ??).

I went. Yep, a big posh do in an historic building in London with 250 people gathered in a huge stately room. There were no mobile phones then, so I couldn’t pretend to be on my phone. I stood like a lemon at the edge of the room. As the famous quote goes, ‘There’s no lonelier place than at the edge of a conversation’. But I wasn’t even on the edge; I had abandoned myself to Greenland - Quite fitting for someone who buys prawns! The next 4 hours were excruciating. I hated it and vowed never to do it again.

Of course, with the job I had, I had to do it. I kept finding myself in one deep end after another deep end of networking until you realise that you have a choice, either to accept the humility of being at the edge of a room (Snowy cold Greenland) or get stuck-in. Thankfully, I chose the latter. It wasn’t easy. Here’s what 20 years of networking in person and on-line have taught me about the what, the how and the why of networking.

What, Why and How?

What?

I'm going to leave the what to the best person I have ever known for networking - Thomas Power . Plus, with his wife Penny Power OBE , they are a powerhouse of networkers. Along with their daughter Hannah Power , who I see popping-up on my LinkedIn feed a lot, with great personal branding. She certainly understands networking.

Thomas and Penny began Ecademy many years before Linkedin and it was the pre-cursor to Linkedin. A combination of face-to-face and digital networking. In some ways better than LinkedIn but sadly it did not survive the LinkedIn domination. I was very green in those days and Ecademy was something I knew I needed to understand but was too apprehensive to really get stuck-in. Thank you Richard White for encouraging me and not giving up on me.

Thomas' book 'Networking for Life' was published in 2003 and I believe is still the best book for understanding networking. This page from his book shares a more eloquent 'what is networking' than I could ever do:

Why?

Pay it forward is the key.

I truly believe that if you network for your own gain you’ll fail. If you network to help others, you’ll be successful. It’s one of the 6 Laws of Persuasion (A great YouTube video with over 14m views: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFdCzN7RYbw) – Reciprocity.

It’s a bit like if you invite someone to your birthday party, they’ll probably invite you. You don’t do it to receive. You do it because you want to help, support, be kind…any and all of those. Then, you may get something in return from someone. The world has a way of looking after good people with good intentions.

How?

In the film 'A Few Good Men' there’s a wonderful scene where Demi Moore (Established lawyer) is trying to get Tom Cruise (Hip new lawyer) fired. She says to him angrily when she’s defeated:

Is there no-one you don’t play softball with, drink with, or know in this dam place?!

When I talk to some people about networking you can see they don’t get it and don’t want to - ‘But Darren we have a process for getting that done’. I reply with, ‘I agree, yes, your business does have a process for that, but there’s a quicker way you could get that done if you knew Bob in accounts who looks after payments.’ <Blank face – You can take a horse to water - Sigh>.

If you do get it, fabulous, because you are all about about unlocking princes (Thomas Power's reference).

5 Networking Actions that Will Really Help

These 5 actions will help you to find the value in networking. You have to work at it and remember:

Consistency Beats Perfection.

1. Go on LinkedIn, at least once a week and post, or comment, or reach out to one person to add them to your network. Otherwise, when you come to need your network, they’ll ask why they should help you when you weren’t around to help them. There are a lot of good people looking for jobs at the moment. May you can introduce Ron to Bob, and he then gets a job. Wouldn't that feel great? ??
2. At the Christmas office party, you could stay in your group. Though, I encourage you to speak to at least one person you haven’t spoken to before. You never know when it might come in handy. Extend your network by one at the Office Christmas party. Who knows, after a few beers, maybe speak to 3, 5, 10 people you haven't spoken to before!
3. Connect people, whether on LinkedIn or face-to-face. ‘This is Sue, she works in supply chain and Paul works in NPD – You’ve just met a cool person’ <The last part I stole from Ted Lasso>. Who do you know that could do with knowing someone else in your network? Business is tough at the moment for everyone and particularly for freelancers - Who do you know? Please introduce them over a short email and then bow out to allow them to do their thing.
4. Face-to-face networking event: ‘Hello. I don’t know anyone here. May I join your group, please?’. Every time I have done this, people are so welcoming. What I always thought might be rejection, never has been.
5. Steven Covey’s 5th habit: ‘Seek first to understand’. Ask about them. People love to talk about themselves.

If I went to the Prawn thingamajig today, I'd not be the lemon in the corner, cold and snowy. I wouldn't because the lemon is being a world of feelings no-one wants. I'd go with a mindset of, how can I help, because networking is about listening out for opportunities to connect people, and then do it. If you've watched the TV series 'New Amsterdam' on Netflix you'll have heard Max say his phrase as it's all about helping others:

For me, I am a better networker because many years ago I had a wonderful sales coach Richard White (Sadly passed - RIP Richard). He taught me to model myself on others in any given situation. It was my first introduction to NLP.

So, when I am in a networking situation I try to be more like Simon Spence ?? . A great friend for over 30 years who is the type of person that can walk into a room of 250 strangers and walk out with 5 life long friends. Whilst I cannot achieve his level of connection, as Si is just amazing at this, by being him for a night I can be the very best version of my networking self.

One of my key tips and especially as a freelancer or SME is to be ready with an answer to 'What do you do?'. It's in the first few seconds that matter because if you're not engaged they won't be. It can't be, 'Well, I...'. Instead, it must be engaging from the off, to the point and say why. Ours (Making Business Matter) is:

We are the soft skills training provider, partnering with clients who want to make their training stick. Our clients choose us because we achieve behavioural change through our unique training method, sticky learning ?.

And depending on the situation sometimes it's:

We believe that everyone deserves the opportunity to be the best version of themselves.

And also it can be:

Most people go on training courses and do dick when they get back to the office, even months later. All that investment for nowt.

Horses for courses.

Get Their Details Easily

iPhone allows you to bump phones together to share their and your contact details: https://support.apple.com/en-gb/guide/iphone/iph1b6c664b7/ios Awesome. Gotta love the tech!

Real Life Example Last Week

Last week we completed our presentations skills training course for a client Aston Manor Cider and I was speaking with Richard Bull of the Cider company, about him presenting differently based on what we had learnt.

He was considering presenting using a graphically designed A2 piece of paper. I mentioned Annabelle Cole , and he agreed that she might be a good contact. Ten minutes later I'd sent a short email to them both sharing their contact details. the rest is up to Annabelle.

Recent Networking Connections

A big thank you to 16 people on LinkedIn that I'd like to share because I think you'll want to be connected to them:

• Dan Brown is a fantastically well-read guy, open to networking, and really trying to do some good in the world.
• Eng. Suha Isaac Alawadhi Chartered FCIPD, MBA, CLO is lovely to speak with and open to collaborating because we are partnering for a training venture into Kuwait. Exciting.
• Andrew Stotter-Brooks Chartered FCIPD, FIoL is a very lovely man who networks harder than me, better than me, and so deserves it because he is knowledgeable, genuinely always happy and a pleasure to know.
• Ravat Parmar is all things website and Wordpress. Fabulous at what he does and if you need anything 'websitey' he's your man.
• Paul Barber for supporting me in my years when I was trying to figure out the type of business person I wanted to become and what people management was all about.
• Steve Armstrong has had faith in me from when we first got to know each other and a great guy to speak with about FMCG.
• Vicky Lawless-Mitchell for being a person that I'll always keep in touch with. One of those people where our paths cross every now and again, and outside of those times someone I can always call for help.
• Lee Gilks and I got to know each other because Lee wanted to expand his network. He did. A wonderful guy that is always looking to be a better version of himself.
• Adam Turrell is a printer. Great guy to know. Always ready and willing to offer advice and help me out of a tight printing spot. If you need anything printed, it's Adam you want.
• Dave Ulrich for being so selfless in supporting me with testimonials and alike, and being a font of all knowledge when it comes other HR.
• Ash Amirahmadi OBE and I were sparring partners (Buyer/NAM) in about 1946 ??. We don't talk much but again I know that if I ask for his help, and likewise, we'll be there for each other. Thank you.
• Hannah Lyss Tampioc connected with me only a few weeks ago and by God she knows her stuff when it comes to Amazon images.
• Jack Black taught me how to have a positive mindset from when I first saw him speak at a conference in about 1992. Thank you Jack for being my mental guru.
• Chelsea (Chel-see) Kirk Assoc CIPD for being so open to collaborating because we built the EDI coaching deck together endorsed by the NHS.
• Asha Bhalsod is an Amazon guru and her agency Etopia Consultancy is all you need to make your Amazon account rock. We got to know each other by being open to collaborating.
• Mitchell Drawwater has helped me to navigate some tough waters and I'll always be in his debt for doing so. Lovely guy.

In subsequent newsletters I'll tag other people because there are so many I want to mention. If I haven't mentioned you it's because I have a spot for you in a later newsletter.

Please connect people. Help people. The rest will happen.

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Darren, CEO of MBM