3/4 Rule

Honestly, how sick are 3 day weekends?

Roll out of bed late on a Monday, steep a coffee, hit the couch for 10.

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping.

Maybe your morning bowel movement even hits you halfway through a Seinfeld episode instead of your first client call.

Life is good. (and poop jokes are still funny)

Over the last month(s) or so, I started seeing a new counselor (yes everyone, that’s code for I’m in therapy).

Finding a new counselor/therapist is kind of like high-stakes blind dating, you know?

You go in really hoping for a fit, but instead of being left with the bill for endless apps at Applebee’s after a bad date you’re left spilling your deepest darkest secrets to the wrong person.

(Which I guess could also happen at Applebee’s…)

All jokes aside - things are going well with it all.

Amongst the many areas I’ve covered so far (I’ll spare you the gory details) - the one thing I’ve really been trying to be better about / focus more on is mindfulness.

I guess just a fancy way of saying.. pay more attention to the immediate present.

Sometimes we’re so busy caught up in other things, that we forget to breathe in the fresh air and feel the sun on our face.

I wish it were so simple…

Within mindfulness, you have a real myriad of things to practice and unpack. Attention, intention, meditation, etc., etc.

It is (or can be) a real rabbit hole / nested doll situation.

And just when you grasp one piece, there’s more.

Kind of like that cheap golf pro - “Come back next week and we’ll fix that hook!”

Much like learning/grasping any & all new things though, it can often feel like drinking through a fire hose.

What information do I write down? What matters? What doesn’t?

It’s hard.

I’ve found it’s sometimes easier to just focus on one thing at a time. A single cue or intention. For me, that tends to narrow the aperture a bit.

Over the last few weeks, that “one thing” has been the -

Three-quarter rule.

The 3/4 rule boiled down is really about avoiding extremes by being in tune with the present moment.

The “pretend I’m an idiot” example of the 3/4 rule that was given to me, was delivered in relation to eating.

Simple, I know. It tracks like this:

Extreme 1 - You don’t eat enough - Think, you traveled all day and only had a bag of airline almonds, you're absolutely famished. You feel physically weak and mentally dull.

Extreme 2 - You eat too much - Think, you just pushed back from the table and popped the button on your khakis after Thanksgiving plate #3. You feel like a bloated slob.

The Happy Zone (3/4 Full) - You ate until you were almost full. You feel nourished, acute, and gratified you said no to that slice of cheesecake.

It’s a fairly simple way to grasp mindfulness and the 3/4 rule. (At least it was for me)

My subsequent “aha moment” was then realizing how this all ties back into our awareness of the present.

AKA in order to know when you’re 75% full, you have to be present and in tune with what you’re eating, how you’re eating it, and how you’re feeling about it.

Once I grasped this, it had staying power in my mind.

It’s really one of those simple principles that once you grasp the basic premise of - you can extrapolate and apply it to many other (more meaningful) parts of your life.

Forwarning - this is going to contradict last week a bit.

But let’s apply this concept to work, effort, creativity/productivity, and maybe even self-growth.

• Extreme 1: Perfectionism — Always pushing yourself for “perfect outputs” in papers, presentations, or creative works.
• You tweak and edit, re-work, and re-write. Nothing is ever / can be ever “finished.”
• Extreme 2: Avoidance/Procrastination — Avoiding engaging in those types of works altogether.
• Nothing ever gets started for fear it won’t be perfectly finished. “If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all”
• 3/4 Rule: 75% done falls into the “good enough, send it” bucket.

or

• Extreme 1: Obsession with Self-Improvement (Never Enough) — Constantly chasing goals without appreciating the present moment.
• Creates a life of dissatisfaction. AKA Mr. “Where did the time go?”
• Extreme 2: Complacency (Avoiding Growth) — Avoiding any discomfort or challenge at all for fear of potential failure.
• Creates a life that feels small and unfulfilled.
• 3/4 Rule: Growing steadily while accepting yourself as you are creates both progress and peace.

The beauty of the 3/4 rule, is that it also promotes sustainability and long-term results. Because in all reality, going all-out 24/7 probably creates diminishing returns.

Think about how very little you would ever “finish” if you only did so on the things you felt were “perfect.”

How long could you really persist at max effort before a trusted friend / loved one had to say something like “Slow down, you’re burning it at both ends.”

The most important thing to grasp (for me) is that the 3/4 rule and avoiding extremes doesn’t mean you’re settling for mediocrity, either.

It means you’re finding an avenue or threshold in which you can actually get things done repeatedly and effectively.

And I tend to think striving for / finding that balance will bring better results over time — less burnout, more creativity, greater resilience, and maybe even some peace.

Food for thought!

What do you think?

My R-rated example .. was a golf example:

• Extreme 1: No Beers — I suck.
• Extreme 2: 8-12 beers — I suck (but because I can’t walk/stand, have limited motor function).
• 3/4 Rule: 3-5 beers - I’m Tiger Woods. - AKA that euphoric state every golfer has once achieved but never been able to recreate. When you find that perfect bloodstream chemistry to turn your 5-handicap game into a +5 via Michelob Ultras.