33 Years Travelling Around the Sun

33 years is just about a third of a century travelling around the sun. Not too long, but not too short either. As I’ve given some pause for thought in fleeting moments, one of the things I have returned to dwell on is - am I successful? Have I been successful?

I had a confession to make, but I realised that perhaps I'm just not ready yet. But, the essence of it is this - because of this prolonged issue and what I've lost materially because of it, it has severely impacted my self worth and value that I place both on myself, and my perceived successes. From college and for years after. It started small, then snowballed.

To that point, that's one of the reasons why I joined Endowus - because I truly believe what we’re doing is missional, helping people to build their wealth properly and with no shortcuts. It’s also why, and probably the reason why I hustle so damn hard, each and every day. One, so I can make back what I lost, and two, so that I can in some measure try to reclaim my self confidence, my self worth. Wow. That’s still a load of my chest.

When I was younger, a lot of people saw me as rather spoiled, with parents who made sure I had it easy. I distinctly remember having dinner with my cousins one day, and, when I told them that I had earned a spot interning at Goldman, she remarked “Your father helped you get that, is it?” Truth be told, every internship, every job that I’ve ever had has been though my own merits, my own hard work, my own network. And that remark burned deep in my heart. Since that evening, I have NEVER ever wanted to be defined by my parent’s successes, but on my own. From Bloomberg, to Goldman and Uber and Grab, and now, Endowus, it has all been through the kindness of others, and my own hard work. I have to caveat. I’m not saying that the help my parents have given me - my schooling, the tuition, the exposure to the world has not helped to shape me in a positive way, but I suppose that’s not all of it.

When I graduated from University, I was 25 going on 26. Because of the 2 year mission for the Mormon church, and an extra year in college (because I switched majors 3 times), I’ve always felt that I’ve been behind the pack. So many people have had a 2-3 year head start on me in building a career. That’s the other thing that drives me, to make up for this lost time.

One of the common comments that people ask me is - “How do you so many things, where do you find that drive?” That answer, I confess, is probably a combination of those three things. Dig myself out of the hole I dug for myself, rise above my parents’ successes, and be at or beyond my peers, where it comes to my career and such. All I try to do each and every day is to work hard, and be honest in my dealings with my fellow men.

If I have been an absent friend, an unresponsive friend, an unhelpful friend, a friend that doesn’t follow up or misses your calls or texts, I am so sorry. I’ve been trying to keep afloat and my head above water. I’ll make it up to you one day, I promise.

Fast forward to today. I have a wonderful job at Endowus doing something I enjoy and believe in. I’m aggressively working to build out my F&B businesses. I have different ideas running through my head. So, I think the question is - what is success? Is it growing more in my career? Is it building an F&B empire? Is it having healthy relationships and a happy family?

The answer that I have right now is, I don’t really know. I think in some small measure, I do? It’s being happy and content and at peace with myself, sans the choices that I’ve made, and being at peace with both the good and bad. I’m not there yet. I’ve made bad choices, I’m sure not all my employees are 100% happy with me, I’ve lost friends from doing dumb things, and I hold grudges against a few people within my heart. I’ll continue to have my faults, my temptations, my idiosyncrasies, my stubbornness. I hope that as the new few days and months and years go by that I do better, that I am better, that I heal and forgive, and am forgiven.

Another 33 years = 66. That’s right around how old my parents are now. It’s a bit of a scary thought. Hopefully, I’ll be long retired, have a bunch of grandkids running around, and a loving and constant companion by my side. Will that be my twilight years? I hope not. I hope it’s the beginning of another 33 years of fun and exploration and adventure, till I get to the end of that, then it’s just a year to 100 years around the sun.

Soli Deo Gloria - to God be the Glory. And, as always, The Best is Yet to Be.