A 33-mile run taught me self-belief is bullsh*t

33 miles in 5 hours and 7 minutes - No music or distractions, just me

This challenge was one I was truly unprepared for:

I had only thought of running a marathon less than two weeks before taking to the treadmill for a 33-mile run, at the time the idea of that was simply epic, it sounded like a huge milestone, a challenge not many people undertake and those who do often prepare months and months to do so. I, however, hadn't prepared myself at all. Running was a very inconsistent activity for me. I'd once run 11 miles non-stop, it felt like a massive achievement but it also destroyed me and so wasn't attempted again for months, in fact, it was until 1 week before I ran 33 miles. On this occasion, I aimed to run a half marathon. It was intense at times with moments of high motivation and other moments of discomfort, boredom and self-doubt. Overall I felt quite good, but my main concern was that my left knee would give out as I noticed my left foot pounding the floor in a continually unrhythmical manner. In noticing this I had to decide whether to stop or carry on... I didn't want to stop during my practice challenge but I also didn't want to damage my knees a week prior to a bigger challenge. I continued running. Now with a focus on addressing the issue with my knee, I brought more attention to the rhythm of my run and how I was placing my foot. I was slowly able to stop pounding my foot against the floor. At this point, the 13-mile finish line was close, but having addressed this set-back well now boosted my confidence and my ability to run, I didn't want to stop, I ran 5 more miles to bring my total distance to 18 miles of non-stop running.

Personal Best - 18 miles

After this experience, I considered that I am likely benefitting from the fact I am on a treadmill, running in the 'real world' would be harder in many ways and so after some consideration and not wanting to feel like a cheat, I raised the number to 33. This number wasn't mathematically calculated, I just liked it and it sounded scary.

I know that feeling discomfort is often necessary when it comes to growing and becoming more, this excited me and worried me at the same time. Maybe I wouldn't be good enough and I wouldn't step off the treadmill as the person who can run 33miles on short notice... But I just wanted to find out.

In all honesty, I avoided thinking about it, I avoided thinking about the impact this would have on my body, I avoided thinking about the nutrition I would need and I avoided thinking about how crazy this truly was.

I believe this message summarises how I was feeling very well. Highlighting the person I wanted to become, how I would become it... but also my lack of consideration when preparing for my day.

I knew I could use this time to solely focus on myself and the physical and individual steps it would take for me to become more. But I didn't want too many people to be aware because they may call me crazy and tell me I won't be able to do it and worse than that, they could likely be right. For that reason, I avoided being too public about this. I didn't really believe it could be done and I didn't want to fail in front of my friends.

Utilising Evidence

As I mentioned previously, I was underprepared, however, I had some evidence of issues that may arise due to the fact that I had endured 18 miles the week before and in other fitness challenges of the past. In the morning, before I embarked on this challenge I thought it would be wise for me to address the issues likely to arise. One of these issues was rapid burn-out where my muscles just no longer seem to work, another being high or low blood sugar that is the cause of my diabetes not being well checked and the last being tight or cramping muscles.

This luckily meant I had some idea of how to shape my morning and what to bring with me during the run.

I ate a high protein meal for breakfast that also had some healthy fats included to give me energy throughout.

I also stretched for roughly 20 minutes before the run.

And lastly, I checked my blood sugar and took with me a bag of essential foods, drinks and medication.

Next was stepping on the treadmill...

Self-belief is not essential

The first three miles were awful, they were just as bad as the final 3. Everything seemed off, my calves quickly started to ache and this pain started to grow into my tighs too. It was worrying as I'd barely started and already my legs were telling me this was a bad idea. Luckily this pain started to naturally reduce and from the 5-mile mark to the 10-mile mark I was having fun, I was relaxed while also aware of any issues that were springing up. I didn't enjoy looking at the number of miles I'd run as my mind would rapidly deduct that from 33 and I would continue to question myself. I really didn't know what my body could endure. There were even times that I would intentionally do poor maths to make me feel like it would be over sooner than possible.

The majority of the run was filled with thoughts of not being good enough mixed with a lot of time questioning whether something bad may happen such as me passing out due to poorly controlled diabetes or me just giving up. It was a struggle and I remember hours that passed where I was only telling myself the reasons I wouldn't be able to achieve my goal. It was a deep mental challenge, not simply a physical one.

From stepping on that treadmill to the 32nd mile, I did not believe I could do it, however, I did always believe I could step once more. The bigger picture seemed impossible, but breaking it down into steps meant I could accept the immediate challenge in front of me.

The most evidence I had created to show this would be possible was 18 miles of non-stop running. 33 is nearly double that. Believing I can complete something because I had previously achieved half doesn't make sense, there was no evidence and so it didn't shock me that I wasn't constantly psyching myself up with phrases such as "you can do it" and "you got this", but instead I was focused on why I may not be able to. One question that would spring up was whether or not my blood sugar was crashing and that I needed something to stop that, this showed the need for me to listen to the thoughts of why I couldn't do this, it didn't mean I needed to stop but it meant there were problems to address, so I addressed them while running. If I hadn't addressed them I surely would not have completed the challenge. This is one strong reason why self-belief is bullsh*t, me completely believing I could do something without evidence and ignoring the reasons this may be a bad idea would have had me blindly running into severe hypoglycaemia, dehydration and much more.

Setting myself up for a true accomplishment and being willing to succeed or fail at it was what I needed more than self-belief. In my determination to succeed I also needed to be willing to tackle everything in my way as it came up.

After a gruelling 5 hours and 7 minutes, I stepped through my discomforts, fears and self-doubt and into the world of deep fulfilment and strength.

How can you turn this article into an important turning point for your own life?

Through immediate action and a willingness to grow through your discomforts.

Set yourself up for a real challenge today, one that takes you towards your deepest desires and challenges your fears and weakness' to uncover and expose your true and extreme strength.

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