33 Insights from the Duet Voices: Issue 9

This Duet Journal newsletter contains select snippets from what 33 Duet Voices have posted on LinkedIn this week. The Duet Voices are 100+ leaders in wellness, coaching & careers.

If you work in recruitment or talent acquisition, you may also be interested in another LinkedIn newsletter that I publish on Tuesdays:

"Mental Health-Led Recruitment Marketing"

?Let us know your favourite quote from the Duet Voices in the comments section!

My Fave Five

You know what's never fun? Miscommunication. Rumi, the 13th-century Persian poet, believed in testing our words before speaking. He suggested that before we speak, we should pass our words through three gates: Gate 1: Is it true? Verify your facts. Don’t exaggerate or distort reality. Be transparent with your intentions and motives. Gate 2: Is it necessary? Avoid irrelevant or unnecessary information. Don’t waste your listener's time. Be precise and to the point. Gate 3: Is it kind? Use empathetic and respectful language. Avoid harmful or hurtful remarks. Show appreciation and gratitude. This is the ultimate filter for effective communication. Kendra J.

Pain is universal, yet so personal. We can't always see the weight others carry. They might be: Navigating a health struggle, feeling lost in the noise of daily life, enduring a storm we know nothing about. Kindness isn't just a gesture; it's a lifeline. It's how we: 1.) Listen without interrupting. 2.) Check in, even if there's no reason. 3.) Offer help without waiting to be asked. 4.) Give space when someone needs to breathe. 5.) Hold space for silence, without filling it with words. 6.) Understand without saying "I understand" all the time. Everyone is carrying something. Your kindness can lighten that load. For them, and for you. Narinder Sheena

You get stuck at an income plateau… Or at a level in your career… You get more and more scared of taking risks and making the wrong move… The fear of failure is relentless… You’re always ‘on’ because you can’t let yourself relax (that would be lazy)… And the imposter syndrome feels crippling. ?It’s like a horrific hamster wheel that you want to get off. It’s a long way from the life of freedom, fun and financial security that you’ve been working your fabulous ass off for. Yet - nobody would have a clue of any of this looking at you because you work very hard at the appearance of having everything together. We feel such shame - and believe there’s actually something wrong with us! And that is the biggest energy vampire of all. Dr Donna Elliott

A few years ago, I never thought of myself as a leader. I was more of a follower, always saying "yes" to things that didn’t serve me. But now, I’ve learned to: Amplify my enoughness. Break free from self-sabotage. Step more into my power and self-leadership. It's not that I don't still have wobbles. Or moments where I have fear.But I trust that I have the answers inside of me to lead myself through them and towards what I want to achieve. It's so easy for our experiences and negative self-talk to become ingrained (through no fault of our own). But. You do owe it to yourself to recognise the patterns and take action. This stuff doesn't happen by accident. It happens by design. Sophie Fraser

Generational trauma isn’t always about big, dramatic events, but can stem from more subtle patterns that get passed down through families. In my family’s case, there was alcoholism, infant mortality, depression, child death, parents dying young, poverty and bankruptcy—all of which influenced how my great grandparents raised my grandparents and how they in turn raised my parents, influencing how my parents raised me. These experiences have shaped behaviours and attitudes (around money, power dynamics, trust etc) that still affect me today. While I don’t experience this as trauma requiring therapy, coaching has helped me understand my family’s story and their behaviours and become more aware of these unconscious behaviours, allowing me to make more intentional choices. Marc Hogan MSc, EMCC SP

I was skeptical but then I changed my mind… For a long time, I dismissed gratitude as a "woo-woo" practice ~ something too simplistic and frivolous in the hustle of daily life. However, curiosity led me to give it a genuine try, and I was astonished by the transformative power of this simple habit. The science backs up my shift in mindset: expressing gratitude triggers the release of feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin, essential for mood regulation and happiness, reducing stress and enhancing resilience. This is tied to neuroplasticity. Practicing gratitude regularly trains our minds to focus on the positive, serving as an antidote to our brain's natural negativity bias and fostering a more optimistic outlook. Paola Elena Brignoli

In a world where people are starving, and others are scared to eat in case they're judged for not being thin enough - isn't it time to say no to media and beauty industry manipulation? In an era when self-expression has never been so accepted and celebrated, and when women's rights are at the forefront - why are we still allowing ourselves to be manipulated in order to fit ever more impossible beauty standards?! ?No part of our body is safe from scrutiny! Even our eyebrows. Like everybody over the age of 35 is hankering over their lost youth. I don't want to look younger, thank you. Healthier and happier - yes. Younger – no. Lines and wrinkles are celebrated in a lot of cultures as they express wisdom and a life well lived. Rhoda Cameron

According to a leading survey, 48% of people lie on their resume. Here are some reasons why it is a bad idea: .) Damages trust. If a lie is discovered, it permanently damages your reputation and destroys trust with potential employers, coworkers, and industry connections. 2.) Risk of immediate termination. Many companies have a zero-tolerance policy for dishonesty. If caught, you may face immediate termination, even if you’ve been a great performer. 3.) Legal consequences. Lying on a resume, especially about qualifications like degrees or certifications, can lead to serious legal repercussions. 4.) Undermines confidence. You’ll likely feel anxious and fearful of being exposed, which can undermine your confidence and performance in the workplace. 5. ) Unrealistic expectations. Exaggerating your skills/experience may lead to being placed in roles where you're underqualified, setting you up for failure. 6.) Burns bridges. If you get caught, not only will you lose that job opportunity, but it may also hurt your chances with other employers in the industry. 7.) Background checks. With the rise of thorough background checks and social media screening, most lies on resumes are quickly discovered. Kathy Caprino

This is important: Whoever has your attention has your energy. That annoying boss, difficult colleague, challenging client, frustrating partner, unreliable friend or acquaintance that drives you mad. If you focus on all the negative “stuff” in someone they are taking your energy away from you. Here are 5 quick tools to get them out your head fast: 1.) Say out loud - “I’m going to let this go” (your subconscious brain is always listening and it seeks to make your words a truth so this is more powerful than you think! 2.) A few cycles of deep breathes will move your central nervous system into a calmer place. 3.) Get curious what the trigger is for you - identifying the reason can help massively. 4.) Get distracted, throw yourself into something else. 5.) Look at the situation objectively- challenge yourself to find other explanations for their behaviour. What lens are they looking through? Penny Delve ??♀?

Courageous Leadership. There cannot be courage in a culture that is confined by fears (so many fears): of failure, of innovation, of speaking up, of doing the right thing, of investing in growth, of treating people like they matter, of setting the tone for the present and future success of the organisation. Fear creates contraction within the self, feeding more of that energy within and in the surrounding environment. On the contrary, daring leaders embrace courage over fear by showing up when they can’t predict or control the outcome. When courage walks in the room, transparency, reliability, integrity and empathy unlock the potential in people and in the organisation. Monica Dettori

Here is a paragraph from a book called 'Delivered from Distraction', which for me sums up how it feels to have ADHD for me: "Having ADHD makes life paradoxical. You can hyperfocus sometimes, but also space out when you least mean to. You can radiate confidence and also feel as insecure as a cat in a kennel. You can perform at the highest level, feeling totally incompetent as you do so. You can be loved by many, but feel that no one likes you. You can absolutely totally intend to do something but then forget to do it. You can have the greatest ideas in the world but then feel as if you can't accomplish a thing". Sometimes it feels weird, sometimes it feels brilliant. Sometimes it feels like my brain is absolutely terrorising me. But with all of it, I'm me. That's enough. We're all enough. Gemma Ellison

The stories we tell ourselves matter. I asked the group: “how are you feeling?” And I was met with a list of moments. Moments that had compounded and become obstacles. Guess what the main problem was? Their internal dialogue!“I should be able to do this by now. They said X and I replied with X which was stupid and that must mean Y. Their reaction was X and that had to mean I did something wrong.” The story we tell ourselves is often the most important part of us maintaining a belief in ourselves, our ability and our future. Getting that story out just like this group did and sharing is a very powerful way of being able to understand if what you are saying to yourself is in fact your true story or just the one your fear is generating! Kate Hayward

Your Women's Inclusion Programs are failing. The harsh reality: I find 99.9% of them fail. Why: 1.) They are all women. Obvious I know. But we need to educate the decision makers. These are not only women. 2.) They are an echo chamber. Where women, agree with women. Where nothing ground-breaking is on the agenda. 3.) They are a coffee morning. ?Nice to chat, over a beverage or a sandwich. Yet, nothing actually changes, no actions are taken. 4.) They don't actually support women. They are run by women. For no additional salary. Speakers and educators are often asked to do it for free. 5.) They don't make an impact. They are a tick box exercise. Something for the annual report. No policy changes are actually made to support women's careers. Please, tell me I'm wrong... Beth Hocking

Do you recognise when your values are in conflict? How do you respond? During a session with a client, I experienced one of my core values being triggered.?It wasn't a conscious thought… Don't get me wrong, they hadn't said or done anything wrong. I just held a different belief on the topic and action they were planning on taking. I had an internal battle with how I would respond in the situation based on my belief system whilst trying to remain impartial and present for my client. Fortunately, I was aware of my internal monologue in the moment and focused on quietening it so that I could continue to hold the space for my client. Gemma Hogan - Coach / NLP Master Practitioner

Sometimes you don’t get what you expected… You know what I mean… The boss that was lovely at the interview and was actually a rude *@%$. The coworker that seemed lovely and blatantly stole your ideas as theirs. The all-inclusive culture that quickly deteriorated into everyone for themselves. The client that ignored contracts, emails and didn’t pay the invoice on time. The proposal that was signed in principal and then manifested into nothing. It sucks doesn’t it. It can have you feeling hoodwinked and questioning your judgement. So, here’s my top tips to minimise it happening again… Trust your gut. Ask questions. Never assume. And accept that it will happen sometimes. Laura Joy

When we talk about a toxic workplace, we’re not reinventing the wheel. It has always been the same behaviour that has somewhat been accepted. Why are people perpetuating trauma in our place of work? Ignorance. Disillusion. Low-self-esteem? Shame. Fear. Psychopathy? The stats don’t lie: if we’re hating our 9-5, if we’re calling out toxic behaviour, why are we not able to change the system? It’s because taking action is different than telling tales. When it comes to speaking up when something triggers you, there isn’t much to be done. All methods go to sh*t. All the theory disappears. The best way to counter this inevitable moment is to practice how to be different than what conditioned us to be this way. Mouna Laaragat

Values are not rigid structures that create dogma, but rather consistent approaches to finding meaning and making choices that align with our true selves. Your values act as a compass, guiding you through complex decisions and the pressures we all face. Your Values Toolkit: 1.) Soul-Searching: Identify what truly drives you. What makes you feel alive? What gets you passionate? 2.) Communicate Clearly: Share your values with those around you. It builds understanding and trust. 3.) Lead by Example: Consistency between words and actions is key. Walk the talk. 4.) Regular Self-Assessment: Schedule time to evaluate if you’re living up to your own standards. Paul Littlejohn

Think of your job search like planning a communications campaign. You need to identify the following: Goals - what are your short, medium and long-term goals and what are the steps you need to take to get there?Purpose - are your job goals aligned with your overall strategy and mission? Budget - what is your good, better and best salary target? Target audience - who are you trying to appeal to? Who don't you want to work with?Campaign message - what problems do you solve; what’s your USP; what is your tone of voice? Assets & branding - your marketing materials: CV; LinkedIn profile; LinkedIn strategy and content. Evidence - prepare for interviews with company and individual research; compile case studies for discussion. Execute the campaign - apply for jobs; talk to recruiters; network; identify opportunities; solve problems; keep going.Evaluate the results - identify what went well and where you can improve. Tweak and tailor your messages. Vicki Marinker ACC

Based on a poll I conducted—which asked recruiters/HR and hiring managers if they read cover letters—21% of recruiters/HR said they do and 29% of hiring managers also claimed they do. Three hundred and seventy-four (374) respondents cast their vote. This, in my mind, is a forum. I'm in the camp of Gina Riley who suggests writing an attention-grabbing intro, followed by a second paragraph that demonstrates relevant experience, and a closing paragraph that states a call to action. I also agree with Angela Watts that many cover letters are "slapped together" with AI. This is a mistake for job candidates because AI like ChatGP doesn't capture of writer's true voice. Bob McIntosh

Saying ‘no’ is not a rejection of others. It’s a commitment to yourself. For so long, I thought that being agreeable and saying “yes” to everything would keep everyone happy. But I’ve learned that constantly putting others’ needs ahead of my own only leads to burnout and frustration. Learning to say “no” has been a game-changer in prioritising my own well-being and reclaiming my energy. I used to feel physically sick if I had to say no to something I didn't want to do. For far too many years I would say yes to keep the peace. And now I know. Saying no is not selfish - it’s self-care. Michelle Minnikin

Self-compassion goes far beyond mere kindness; it embodies true strength and resilience. Rooted in the Latin "com passio," meaning "to bear with," it's about courageously facing our suffering head-on with wisdom. Self-compassion holds us accountable to be our authentic selves, at times self-compassion means making difficult decisions, but the teachings always put our best interests at the forefront. In the process of cultivating courageous compassion, individuals who put their best interests at the forefront experience a mourning for the body they held in mind as their 'after picture' the version of them they would be after doing the diet/aesthetic procedure. This is called body grief. Tara O'Donoghue

11 harsh truths I know at 35 I wish I knew at 25: 1) Perfection is an illusion. 2) You can’t control everything. 3) No one is coming to save you. 4) Being busy ≠ being productive. 5) Rejection is a blessing in disguise. 6) Your comfort zone is a growth trap. 7) Actions speak louder than intentions. 8) Not everyone will like you and that's ok. 9) Regret is way more damaging than failure. 10) You can’t be normal & expect abnormal returns. 11) Whenever you judge someone else it's a reflection of your own insecurities. Most of these I learnt the hard way but accepting them has been transformational. Alex ?stergaard

“Be yourself; everyone else is taken” - some wisdom from Oscar Wilde. We all have moments of self-doubt. If second guessing ourselves, we can fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others, and finding ourselves wanting or “less than”. Trying to guess what a hiring manager wants us to be, to mould ourselves into our assumptions of what good looks like for them. One of the unintended consequences of coding ourselves through perceived external desires, is that we can appear incongruous or inauthentic. When I work with clients, a foundational element is to understand who you are at a deeper level, and to celebrate your strengths, skills, values and leadership style, to fullest extent. Yes, we all benefit from developing, openness to learning is vital in achieving our goals, and the best way to do it is from a place of being closer to who you are, not further away. One tip: “Stay in your own lane!” – You are on your own unique path, and there is little to gain in being distracted by other swimmers alongside you in life. Sometimes the water may be choppy, and it could appear they are powering through, when you feel you are trying to stay afloat, but you really don’t know what’s going on for them. You are different people, on different paths, with your own particular set of circumstances. Patricia (Pattie) Pantall

How To Finally Beat Chronic Insomnia (Hint: It’s not Chloroform!). If you’re like Mark, lying awake at 2 AM with a million anxious thoughts running through your mind, you know how frustrating it is to want to sleep but feel like your body won’t follow. Here’s what I said to do: 1.) Set yourself up physically: Avoid late-night meals, cut the blue light (no screens), and if you’re low on melatonin, try a small supplement (no more than 3mg). 2.) Master your thoughts: The real battle is in your head. Once you make peace with the worst-case scenario you can let go of all the stress keeping you awake. 3.) Manage your cortisol: Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a saber-toothed tiger and your unpaid bills, but you can train it to calm down. The enemy isn’t the clock—it’s our racing thoughts. Manage them, and sleep will follow. James Peters

3 ways job seekers undersell themselves in interviews. Are you guilty of any of these? 1.) Using "Just… I'm just a project manager." By adding "just," you immediately minimize your role and impact. Instead, say, "I'm a project manager responsible for driving results and leading teams." 2.) Using "But… I don't have experience in marketing, but..." The word "but" cancels out everything that comes before it. Instead, say, "My transferable skills include [X], which I demonstrated in [project Y.]" 3.) Using "Only… I've only worked here for two years." "Only" downplays your experience. Instead, say, "In two years, I've achieved [specific accomplishment] and contributed to [specific impact]." Reframe your sentence to showcase your value. Shelley Piedmont

One of the big ways I see me (and others) stay stuck is waiting until we’re ready. This is the flavour of hiring a cleaning service after I’ve got the house looking a little less messy. My life is utter chaos right now, there’s no way I have the space to bring in a coach right now. I’ll wait until things are a little less insane, then I’ll have the space to work on myself. The trap with this approach is that, assuming I’m hiring this person to help me with the very thing that seems to continually be showing up in my life (messiness, chaos, busy-ness, relationships falling apart, etc.), I’ll forever be creating new reasons for “Not Yet”. So, it’s a bit of a cycle. But wait, there’s a second even MORE nefarious trap! This second trap, is that, seeing this problem, I conclude “Well, I guess I should just do it anyhow”. I effectively throw away my sovereignty, in service of a rule that “I’ll never be ready so I should just leap in." That won’t really create a breakthrough either — I’m subverting my intuition and internal guidance in favour of a rule. I may start the thing, but I’m doing so at the expense of my own process. Adam Quiney

There is nothing wrong with wanting wealth. Especially as women. One of my motivations is definitely money. Wealth = choice. It’s being able to walk away from toxic situations. It’s being able to experience life to the fullest (whatever your definition of that is). It’s being able to provide for your family without counting pennies. It’s being able to put savings away for your kids future. It’s being able to pay for private and emergency healthcare if you need it. It’s being able to do work you love and help others freely. Wealth is important. Don’t ever shy away from it or apologise when someone asks you what is important to you. Because women are constantly pushed into corners we shouldn’t be in. Wealth gives freedom and independence to banish those corners. Yasmin Sampson - Da Rocha ?????

Is it okay to leave a new job a few months after starting? My short answer? Yes! Let's look at the stories of two clients to better understand why. Client A interviews with two companies, receives an offer from one and accepts. About a month later, this client received a job offer from the other company, which was Client A's #1 choice. But, because they already accepted and started the job, Client A didn't feel it was right to leave so soon, so they declined the new offer. They wondered with regret what could have been if they received this job offer first. Sigh. Client B's situation is much the same as Client A's: there were also interviews with two companies, accepted a job offer from one and received an offer from the other soon after. Here's the difference: Client B evaluates the new offer against what's most important to them and finds that not only does this company's values line up with their own, but this opportunity will also allow them to do work that truly gives them energy. Client B doesn't want to "break up" with the company they are with but realizes that they stand a much better chance at being fulfilled with this new opportunity - even more than they would if they stayed where they were. Michelle Schafer

Here are four key takeaways about mentorship: 1.) Active Listening is a Superpower. It’s not just about talking; it’s about really?listening. The best mentors? They tune into their mentees and respond with clarity and care. 2.) Emotional Intelligence is Essential. Mentorship goes beyond professional advice. Being a mentor means recognising and navigating emotions—yours and theirs. It’s all about empathy and knowing when to step in, or sometimes, when to step back. 3.) Problem-Solving is a Skill You Sharpen. Mentors don’t just provide solutions; they help mentees think critically, trust their intuition and find their own way forward. This strengthens your own decision-making and leadership. 4.) Self-Awareness Leads to Growth. Every session with a mentee reflects something back to you. It’s not just about helping them grow; it’s about?your?growth too. Dipti Shah

Are you a mouth breather? Proper breathing could diminish your neck tension, but better breathing can also improve so much more, including your athleticism. A missing part of many training systems is a lack of conversation around breathing and how we can use it as a tool to increase our nervous system capacity to reach higher performance. When you train and breathe in & out through the nose, that's when you are training within your nervous system capacity and when you begin huffing and puffing shortly after you train, you are most likely out of your nervous system capacity. Do you know what your capacity is? If you constantly desire to breathe through the mouth when you train, I highly recommend: Focus on improving your nasal breathing capacity through zone 2 cardio training (ie, lips sealed and breathe in & out through the nose) when you no longer can maintain it, take a break and try to exhale longer and get yourself to 8 seconds exhale as quickly as possible and start again. Hedi Shah ??

Have mobile phones become a bit like an umbilical cord? Even for our young adult children who are living away from home at university. Here are some tips for ‘keeping in touch’ boundaries. 1.) They will call when they need to. Establish before the best way to connect: who will call who, facetime, text or what’s app.?How often? 2.) If you haven’t got one already, set up a family what’s app or snapchat group. 3.) No surprise visits from you to their Uni or daily calls. 4.) Homesickness may be part of their Uni experience.?Not a solution to just say ‘come home’.?Allow your child to feel it and work through it. 5.) They should try not to come home too regularly, particularly at the start.?Need some time to ‘get into it’ 6.) You don’t always have to be available just as they probably won’t be. Rachel Vecht ????

Our lives are not isolated; we cannot simply shut out the realities of a full and complex life. There are times when the challenges in our personal lives can become so overwhelming that they affect our ability to perform at work, whether as an employee or self-employed. That can create another level of stress, and it becomes a vicious circle. I don’t think anyone is immune to the pressure of change, unpredictability and life concerns. From bereavement, ill health, relationship breakdown, and money concerns, all these things place us under stress. There may also be times when your private life can be overwhelming, but your day-to-day role can provide the stability and security needed to manage or accept life changes. For me, work has been central to my identity during major life transitions, the one stable thing in a world of uncertainty. Clara Wilcox I Return To Work and Career Coach for Parents

Here are 4 ways in which AI can help with your job search that have nothing to do with your resume. 1.) Research companies: Create a table of what you want to know about your target companies. 2.)Find communities: Get a list of professional associations, LinkedIn groups, subreddits, and more where you can meet people in the field. 3.) Refine your approach: Use custom tools to analyse online profiles and get ideas for approaching and messaging new contacts. 4.) Track your activity: Use the same tools marketers use or custom-built job search tools (many free) to track your networking and stay consistent. Marie Zimenoff

Having been an HR Ghostwriter for a decade until 2023, I am now encouraging people to find their voices rather than lend them mine.

Thoughts make more sense when you take the time to write them down.

When you share your journal (anonymously) with another person, it has more impact.

All the best, Parzival11