3:1 Positivity Ratio

In my last post, I wrote about Negativity Bias and the antidote, which is the 3:1 ratio of focus on (3)positive:(1)negative. This post expands on the 3:1 positivity ratio and its benefits for a positive mindset.

I like to keep things simple. 3:1 is easy to remember and easy to apply, but it's not a perfect science.

What I really like about this is it honors the reality of life - we face circumstances that are painful and cause negative emotions. Sometimes we have negative emotions for seemingly no reason at all. It's ridiculous to think we can avoid or ignore negative emotions. Sure, you can suppress any emotion for a time, but one way or another, that's likely to come back and bite you.?

Ignoring negative emotions is where the term "toxic positivity" comes from.

Negative emotions serve a purpose; they make it clear to us something is wrong or a boundary has been crossed. The challenge with emotions is the thoughts/stories in our minds that follow and keep us trapped in a negative mindset - even after the event has passed - the thoughts linger in our mind after the job of alerting us to a concern is done.

Negative emotions, similar to pain, are only helpful for a quick second to alert you. But if you stay stressed, frustrated or unhappy, you will be tunnel-visioned and not capable of finding out the best solution to the problems, which your positive brain can do. (Pain: take your hand off the hot stove / Stress: take your mind off the negative emotion)

That's when the 3:1 ratio practice comes in. With this tool, when you have a negative experience/emotion, you train your brain to think of 3 positives. You are still processing and acknowledging the negative emotion AND you're looking for positives at the same time. I'll give an example that happened to me just this week.

On Sunday, I felt a bit rough; by Monday, I was feeling like total sh!t (turns out, 2nd round of covid). My brain quickly oriented to why this sucks, and of course, it does suck. I couldn't do a bunch of things I had planned, the to-do list got longer, and my body was aching. Those are all real consequences, there is no point in ignoring them AND at the same time, I am able to find at least 3 positives (gifts and opportunities) that are also taking place in these circumstances:?

1. (gift) my body is fighting the virus and building immunity to ward off a future infection
2. (opportunity) getting rest. In a perfect world we don't need to be sick to justify taking a day or two off, but when we're sick we have no choice - it's forced rest not only from work but all life admin, chores, and to-do lists as well. It was a welcome rest
3. (opportunity) I save a lot of stuff to 'watch later' on YouTube and I almost never make time to actually watch them. I spent most of Monday on the couch and made it through a decent amount of stuff I had saved (*one stood out I'll share below)
4. (bonus gift) gratitude. Yes, being sick sucks, AND it really isn't that bad. I am grateful my immune system is actually healthy and able to clear the virus pretty quickly with minimal side effects when other people may end up hospitalized. I really am lucky* (see below).?

This parable brings it home:

One evening, an old Cherokee tells his grandson that inside all people, a battle goes on between two wolves. One wolf is negativity: anger, sadness, stress, contempt, disgust, fear, embarrassment, guilt, shame, and hate. The other is positivity: joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, and above all, love.

The grandson thinks about this for a minute, then asks his grandfather, “Well, which wolf wins?”

The grandfather replies, “The one you feed.”

This isn't an exact science, dont get hung up on that. Just think about it logically. Would it be better to have 1 negative emotion/thought stick with you for hours or days or to have 3 positive thoughts consume more of your attention???This is how your mindworx, use it to your advantage.

*PS - Bonus Video. Speaking of gratitude and luck, it's important to check ourselves frequently, to be in awe and gratitude for how much luck plays a role in our lives...