303. Leadership, Love and Trader Joe's: You Know It When You Feel It

I don’t remember the exact moment when I fell in love with my wife.

It wasn’t a love-at-first-sight scenario. Besides, I already had a girlfriend when I first met her, and I am nothing if not faithful.

But we became friends pretty quickly. We were both passionate about triathlons and would train together fairly often.

You sure get to know somebody by the painful end of a 7-hour bike ride. Despite tired legs, intense hunger, and never-ending hills to climb, we discovered we enjoyed being together.

She was funny and smart and more than a little gorgeous.

(She still is all those things and more)

It wasn’t until a year later that we began dating.

Somewhere after that I fell madly in love with her.

There was no milestone moment. There’s nothing I can pinpoint as to when and how it happened. If I were to be put on the stand, under oath, to prove my feelings, I’m not sure there are any words that would suffice. I’m not sure there are those types of words for anyone.

That’s the thing about love, it’s really hard to prove, but you absolutely know it when you feel it.

The Feeling Of A Masterpiece

I used to work in the music industry. My job was to find new bands, sign them to the record label, and oversee the recording of their albums.

I remember this one particular album from this one particular band. When I listened to the songs after it was recorded, far before it was released, a tsunami-level chill enveloped my body.

I knew, beyond any doubt, that this album was going to be a hit. I was holding a masterpiece and I may have been the only person in the world that knew it at the time.

I can’t describe why or how I knew it was going to be so successful. There are no words to describe the confluence of all the factors - the songs, the energy, the then-current state of music. It just had that magical “it” - whatever “it” is.

That’s the thing about a masterpiece. It’s often hard to describe why it’s so impactful to you. You just know it when you feel it.

When You Know The Perfect Fit

Not everything can be effectively described in writing.

Sometimes magical things happen simply because all of the elements of the universe conspire to make it magical.

You can put a job description together for the person you want to hire, but the perfect person who is the perfect fit usually has that special something that has nothing to do with the job description.

I’m a leadership coach for teams. I think you know that. My role allows me to watch different types of teams interact in different types of ways.

I’ve developed an ability to quickly discern how collaborative and effective a team can be. I can’t accurately describe how I do it any more than I could describe how I could assess a band’s promise after only listening to 8 bars of their live show.

It’s just a feeling. It’s just one of those things that you know when you know.

The Feeling of Trust In Leadership

When a leadership team is trusted - and I mean really trusted - there are certain symptoms that flourish. They include:

• Safe and transparent communication
• Mutual support
• Taking risks without fear of retribution

But the symptoms alone aren’t the total tell of trust. Heck, I’ve seen organizations that force these behaviors in some corners of the company, but it doesn’t mean there’s an overwhelming trust in leadership. It just feels… well… wrong.

Just like that feeling of love, trust in leadership is hard to prove, but you know it when you feel it. And when it leaves, it leaves a hole that sucks the light out of the team.

The Feeling of A Strong Company Culture

You can create core values and magnificent missions. You can talk about transparency and integrity and all those other things. But none of it will truly define a strong company culture.

Words don’t work in that way. A great company culture is in the energy.

When there’s a strong and thriving culture, you can sense it the moment you walk through the company’s doors. It’s palpable. Like humidity, but without all the sweat and complaining.

Heck, just go to a good Trader Joe’s and look around at the team if you want to know what it feels like.

There’s no way you can pinpoint the specifics. There’s nothing you can truly measure or prove. It’s just there. You know it when you feel it in the air.

You’ll Know It When You Feel It

I could go on about all the other elements of a thriving company and legendary leadership that are driven by the unknown, but I think you understand what I’m saying.

Whether it’s love, trust, or culture, when life is at its best, it’s rarely due to reasons you can measure or prove.

No quantitative analysis or scientific spreadsheet can capture the feeling of being in the flow. There are no formulas for feelings.

But here’s the thing - though none of these things can be manufactured, they can all be nurtured. Trust builds through honesty, consistency, and integrity. Cultures flourish when leaders live the values they preach.

So, while you can’t prove them, you definitely can build them.

And trust me, when you get there, you’ll know it when you feel it.

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