The 30-Day Experiment To Create Blanks For Life

“What would you like to do if you are at your last 30 days of life?”

This is the "One Question" for the 28th Jan.

No, this is not one of those personal growth, "squeezing the last juice out of you" kind of question.

This is a genuine tender ask, "What would you like to do?"

Really LIVE into the question, take a quiet moment for yourself and lean into your intuitive answers.

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If you feel resonated, here are what you can do,

?? Take some quiet time for yourself and write down your own reflection. Let it flow and don't judge yourself.

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If you are up for a story, I got a story of my LAST last 30 days for you.

Yes, “last” last 30 days.

I was caught off guard when this question came up again because it was there last May, last than a year ago.

When I was asked this question and to write down whatever came to mind and how I planned to spent the time, I turned to a new page in my notebook and wrote in very large font across the page

“FINALLY, I CAN STOP.”

I didn’t feel like a need to continue writing because being able to stop was more than good enough for me.

At that very moment, a gigantic realization was dawned on me,

I had been creating so many boxes for myself to check, I didn’t give myself the permission to stop. I didn’t remember “stop” existed.

I was not aware that when I made a promise to myself that I would never check again the boxes others handed to me, I was one of “the others.”

I was busy proving to myself that I could do beyond well even without others’ boxes. I lived swimmingly on the foundation of giving myself millions of boxes to check.

I had been exhausted for so many years, Proud. Happy. And Exhausted.

The day I found out my covert burn-out was a total shock for me. It was not an easy thing to acknowledge. I was supposed to be strong, full of energy and tireless.

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I was tired, trying to be not tired.

I was so tired of arriving.

Deep down in my heart, I simply wanted to wonder aimlessly.

I’d tried to be something and actually been something, more than something. Yet, at this last month of life, I had not even tiny bit of thrill about how much I’ve done in 38 years of life.

I simply wanted to be nothing, to take off the pressure and stop.

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These thoughts ran through my mind so quickly, when I came out of them, my mentor hadn’t called time. So I tried to write down some more.

Rest and sleep on a hammock at the beach.

Travel.

Read a book.

Close all my accounts.

Tell my parents I love them. (In my family, we don’t say this to one another. Just not a thing.)

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30 days, I could have had accomplished a lot or at least, read more than a book! No, these were all I wanted to do.

Yes, this was an exercise and a game.

But not just, either.

Did I really want to wait till my “real” last 30 days to finally stop?!

No way, not when I already saw the trap I put myself in.

So, I doubled down. I really lived the following 30 days as my last.

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I dealt with my money. (including buying a lot of clothes that I couldn’t wear at my beach life but hey, if I were to be cremated, I would want to go in in my most fashionable look!)

I closed most of my account and left some of them to rot.

I spent all the time doing useless things which made me really happy.

I spent a lot of time with the person I really loved and cut out most contacts. Hey, if I were to die, I got to claimed my time.

I told my parents I loved them. (It was very hard and uncomfortable.)

I rested and slept a lot. I almost booked myself in a hotel at the sea front which had hammocks but I wanted to be on my own bed, at home.

I read more than a book and I wrote. Writing was something I would do till the day I die.

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The very judgmental voice in my head even stopped judging me. I guess it also saw that there was no point anymore.

I was so free.

I never could have thought being nothing and useless could be so wonderful.

It put me in perspective.

Through doing almost nothing, I shifted the world to me.

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I finally said "F it", things that didn’t match my way didn’t belong in my life. Law of vibration. I was done worrying how I vibrated and as it turned out, I was much more stable and constant than ever before.

Things and people I tried to get but failed previously, just showed up when I stopped trying.

I began to reconnect with my intuition since I didn’t cloud it with overthinking anymore. There were much more certainty at present moment when following the voice of the soul.

I started to disconnect with words such as “challenges”, “difficult”, “obstacles” or “struggle.” Not that didn’t I understand what they meant anymore but just I had no emotional connection to them anymore. And when we don’t have emotional connection with something, it doesn’t have any influence on us. Imagine a life without challenges, hardship and struggle. Who wouldn’t want it?

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And, a underlying beautiful hope was that I knew after these 30 days, I got to be reborn. I got to new or someone else. It was a privilege really, to be given such space.

Then, Covid put me down, really down, like I didn’t kill myself enough and could have had used some help.

When the experiment finally came to its end, there was a morning, I woke up, opened my eyes and heard the voice, “I am new.”?

I was new. I maybe looked the same but I was new.

There was a blank space open in me, no schedule, no to-do, no obligations, no past, no future but here and now.

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I recalled that at the beginning it was like learning a new operation system on the computer. I would have woken up each morning, sat at the edge of my bed, tried to read whether there was anything written on the blank page.

“Oh, brush the teeth.” Even brushing teeth every morning was not fully in autopilot anymore.

I would have sometimes walked around the house, trying to see if anything arrived on the blank page since if I didn’t have any input, I wouldn’t be able to output.?

I know, these sounded crazy and weird. Well, I was any which way crazy and weird to begin with. What I am trying to share here with the story of mine is,

Really, what would you like to do if you are at your last 30 days in life?

Give yourself permission to do that.

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Mostly likely, those couple of things you write down, no matter how crazy they are, are what you and your soul most needed right now.

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(Another person wrote down to deal with her inheritance to the family and business partners, money and assets, and she did!)

And you asked what happened to those accounts and money I closed and cleared, they came back to me one way or another when the experiment was done and those which were long over-due to be rid of, were forever gone. I was reminded of how the universe really worked in mysterious way.

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I am not saying you have to do something out of the line.

I am just saying to give yourself permission for 30 days to go for whatever you want.

Or, too much?

Then, simply give yourself the space to sit quietly and write down what comes to mind.

Then, reflect a bit how you feel about what you write down.

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My own experiment set me up for a big leap in the 2nd half of 2022.

Today, I did sit down again and wrote down how I would like to spend the following 30 days.

The landscape of my life has changed so much since last May, this list put a smile on my face.

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So, experiment begins.

To the experiments we dare to take in life and for life.

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And to me, life is the reverence for death.?

I can’t say I know or I understand death. As a living, I can only honor it through living.

Somehow there are wars around the world came to mind while writing this one, there is certainty so much I am powerless. Yet, I am giving this privilege to live. We are giving this privilege to live.

The gratitude is beyond words.