30 Day Challenge Retrospective: Meditate and Journal Every Day

So, I did a thing. I spent the last 30 days meditating and journaling. Every. Single. Day.

And, I can honestly say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done to improve the quality of my life. Benefits listed lower down.

Why did I do?this?

Simply put, I couldn’t control myself.

I knew all the things that I was supposed to be doing and not supposed to be doing (e.g., quitting alcohol was a big one for me, as was using more of my day and rediscovering my passion so I could work toward a life I found fulfilling). But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get myself to put in the extra hours other than several nights a week at the bar.

How did I do?this?

It’s important to note that the inspiration to meditate and self-reflect through daily journaling as an answer to these problems DID NOT come all at once like a bolt of lightning. It was a slow trickle. A video here and there by various creators extolling the benefits of meditation starting to take root in my mind. Until, one day, I understood that the reason the solutions to my problems felt so elusive had something to do with a severe lack of self-awareness.

It was during this gestation period where I wrote down the following note in my journal from a video I watched: “it’s not about willpower, it’s about self-awareness.”

Now THAT was a bolt of lightning.

In the video from which the note originates, Dr. K (Alok Kanojia**)** from HealthyGamer, explained that we often try to use willpower to fix our problems when the true answer is to become aware of ourselves and the problem and what’s causing the problem in the first place. In other words, the problem isn’t that I couldn’t get myself to quit drinking or being lazy, but that I didn’t know WHY I was doing those things in the first place. Not truly, at any rate.

I decided to give this whole self-awareness thing a solid go.

So, on Dec 30th I woke up, reinstalled Headspace after 7 years, turned on the 10-min program, then found the journal I’d bought and never used, wrote everything I was thinking in it for about 30 min, and started my self-awareness journey.

It felt… great, actually. Like reconnecting with something I’d lost a long time ago. So I kept going.

I don’t know exactly when I decided on attaching a goal to this practice, but 7 days felt like a good start. Then it became 14, then 30.

What were the?results?

Well, I’m far far from perfect obviously. But here’s every improvement I can think of:

1. I’m better at regulating my emotions more often (again, not perfect, not even close)
2. I respond better to stressful situations
3. I make better choices about my health overall
4. I enjoy my work more, BUT more practically I can TOLERATE boring work for longer periods without it feeling like an existential crisis (this was a huge one for me)
5. I find it easier to relax
6. I watch less and engage less in social media
7. I enjoy people more
8. I sleep better
9. I care less about what other people think
10. I’m more creative
11. With the exception of one hiccup, I haven’t drank a drop of alcohol since before Christmas.
12. And the biggest one, for me at least, I want to DO things again. I have passion again. I’m excited to create things again.

What’s next?

About midway through the self-awareness habit building, I started thinking about and journaling on what next habit would be interesting to stack onto this one. I kept juggling between fitness and sleep. After all, both are important, but which was more important?

I also knew I didn’t have enough “new habit energy” to both go to the gym every day and wake up at 8 am every day, but I also knew that there was a symbiosis between these two habits (the gym makes you tired and waking up gives you time to gym).

Instead, I shifted the framing a bit. I realized that if I could cut out the “commute” to the gym and all the social fear and bullshit that goes along with it, I could probably save some of that habit energy for improving my sleep habits. So, I bought some home gym equipment, a yoga mat, and have officially set my new 30-day habit goal of waking up at 8am and exercising for 30 minutes every day, starting Feb 1st, 2024.

Now, strict goals like this can be a blessing and a curse for somebody like me, but what my new self-awareness powers have taught me is that you can be strict and lenient at the same time. So here are the rules:

1. I must wake up at 8am. I’m allowed to go back to sleep if I stay up for at least 30 min. E.g., I’m actually super sick and should rest, but at least I kept the habit and reinforced it. If I DO oversleep by X min, I incur debt that MUST be paid TOMORROW. No deferring. E.g., If I stay in bed until 8:15, I must wake up at 7:45 the next morning.
2. I must exercise for at least 30 min. I’m allowed to do the laziest workout you’ve ever seen, as long as I’m moving. The exercise can happen at any point in the day. It just has to happen (I bought a bike that fits under my desk in case I’m slammed one day with work.)

I’m not nervous about this habit at all because I’ve stacked the deck massively in my favor. First, by starting with meditation and journaling, I’m able to self regulate more. I also taught myself that I can commit to something and see it through. I also know that I’m able to make the habit building THE MOST IMPORTANT THING in my life. More than work, food, sleep, friends, and family. This thing MUST happen.

It’s important to note that this IS NOT part of any new year resolution. I wasn’t even thinking about new year resolutions when I started this. I just felt like my time and something needed to change.

Why am I sharing?this?

This isn’t a soap box. I don’t want to make anybody feel like I’ve solved the answers to the universe or anything. FAR from it.

However, as a former skeptic myself, I’d say give this whole self-awareness thing a try. It’s pretty cool.