#3 Your "thinking cap" is all wrong

When making big decisions I used to:?

• Ask other people what they would do in my circumstance
• Go down exhausting internet rabbit holes?
• Make pros and cons lists?
• Try to “go with my gut,” although it felt like a Hail Mary

None of it was failsafe.?

I’d forgotten how my internal compass works.??

{I think many of us have.}

Growing up, the powers that be unknowingly nudge us to stuff it away.

It's the same part that —?as a kid —?saw a rain puddle and fearlessly jumped right in.

We did it because it was the kind of “YES” we could feel.?

Those powers that be??

They lead us away from our truth as we age.

The yesses we can feel.?

They lead us into the mind.

You’re not safe…You don’t belong…You won’t achieve…

Unless! You follow the script society pumps out.

(AKA the "adulting" that leads to self-abandonment)

?????

Case in point:?

When my son was three, he wanted pink New Balance sneakers because he thought they were “pretty.”?

By the time he was five he "hated pink" because it's a "girl color."?

Society's forces are not subtle.

And the great irony is this.?

To truly thrive in this culture.

We have to unlearn all the SHOULDs

Freedom exists outside cultural norms.

So…

How do we get the inner wise one back?

After so many years of being sidelined and told that they’re not important...

My puddle jumper was PISSED when I finally reconnected to her.

About 20 years after I first felt joy at the idea of becoming a coach.

At age 21, when my dad advised me to “get a real solid job”?

I shoved that part of me away for a rainy day.

That rainy day became a thunderstorm, when 40-something me realized I had muscled my life forward with this missing piece for so long.?

"If not now, when?" I said to myself.

? one year later: taboo decision making 101

I was driving home on a brisk and beautiful fall day.

Mentally trapped in “figuring out”?a conundrum I can’t recall.?

As my mind got physically hot with all the angles of the scenario,

I turned straight into:

A construction worker holding a STOP sign in my face.

And it hit me: Stop thinking.

Get out of your mind and FEEL what’s right.?

I laid down in bed.?

I put my hands on my body.

I took deep breaths.?

I imagined all the mental noise draining out with my exhale.

I did this until I actually felt some sense of peace and connection in my body.

{??SIDE NOTE?? I know what your corporate brain might be thinking right now. "Laying in bed?!" And I believe we have to rewrite this narrative. Again: freedom exists outside cultural norms. (Until we normalize new norms, of course ;))}?

When my brain went quiet, I did...

the decision making trick that has never failed me once:??

I imagined myself choosing option A.

And I observed the feeling as my body responded: Tight. Uncomfortable.?

Then I imagined myself choosing option B.

And I observed the feeling as my body responded: Calm. A joy spark in my heart.

A millisecond later: Fear in my lower belly.

I smiled, knowing that "fear" is the healthy discomfort that comes with the stretchy unknown.

It's the "SHOULDS" trying to keep me safe.?

??

I had my answer.

It wasn’t in a Google Search.?

I know what the best way for me feels like.?

This is my compass.

My yes.

??

Of course, I'd love to know:

Have you ever made a decision in this way?

Would you?

How do YOU make hard decisions (sans internet), my friend??

DM me or hit up the comments.

With love,

Carolyn

P.S. ?? You just read an excerpt from my free email newsletter, Human Again.

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P.P.S. If you want coaching to find your compass again, let's talk: [email protected]

About the author

Learn to bring more of you to all that you do —?including your corporate job with Carolyn Warsham , Founder of Carolyn Warsham Coaching and The Corporate Awakened Community, coming soon.

As a team leader at the best companies in technology and media, including Google, Salesforce, and Vox Media, for the past ten years, Carolyn has consistently coached professionals to lean into their vulnerability and values at work in order to find their most authentic path to advancement. She also served as a certified coach and High Impact Teaming facilitator at Salesforce. In 2022, she created the Begin Again program, empowering female executives to find their voices and step into their inner authority.?In 2024, she'll launch The Corporate Awakened Community, accompanied by coursework to end Burnout, heal Imposter Syndrome, help you thrive at work, and evolve corporate for the good of everyone else —?all with the simple act of Being More of You.

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Reach out

website: carolynwarsham.com

Email: [email protected]

Image Sources:

stop sign: Charleston's TheDigitel

pink shoes: Yi Chen

angry girl: greg westfall

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