3 WAYS YOU ARE UNCONSCIOUSLY BUILDING SELF DOUBT (AND HOW TO STOP)

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

I know. I know. It sounds like a cheesy quote you wish you never heard. But still, what would you do if I told you: “Okay, let’s go and jump off the Grand Canyon tomorrow”? Or what would you do if I put you in a plane and said: “Fly this plane, now”?

You’d probably feel nervous or maybe you’d start questioning your abilities to drive a plane. And that’s ok, because most of us would react in the same way.

When we’re put in new situations, the self-doubt starts to get under our skins without us even realizing it.

And because of what I do, I hear a lot of self-doubt from people. It is in their language, in their actions, in their posture. Even in the way they hold themselves, talk to their employees, or speak on stage.

They can’t hide it, and neither can you.

But don’t worry, we all have it in some aspects of our lives because it’s impossible to know everything.

Now, this is not an excuse to allow your self-doubt to grow, right? Because if you do so, that persuasive voice in your head will get louder and louder, and next thing you know, you’ll feel like you aren’t good or smart enough to do anything.

Maybe you haven’t quite realized it yet, but maybe you’re already doing it. This is exactly why I want to show you:

Three ways you’re unconsciously allowing self-doubt to grow

But before I start, I want you to know that self-doubt is normal.

Self-doubt is everywhere, and self-doubt is within everyone in some aspect or another. In some cases having a little bit of self-doubt can even be helpful. It gives you the ability to see new things in perspective and help you overcome your inner fears and limitations. But only in small amounts.

So let’s talk about number one, and that is:

1.    You’re Talking Yourself Into It

For me, language is something that I really love. It may sound unusual, but I get everything I need to know about you or anyone through the pattern of their language. This is exactly why language is the first thing you need to start looking at.

Let’s take for example words like: “need to”, “should”, “must”, “but”, or my favorite: “feel” …

All these words tell us a pattern of your language.

How many times have you told yourself or someone else: “I know I can do this but…”

One simple word that you use can tell a lot about you. Listen, if you know that you can do it, you can do it. But that “but”… I am afraid it erases everything you’ve just said that you can do. There’s no but.

“I must complete this task before I can ever feel I’ve reached my success.”

Sounds familiar? Why is that task so important that you must do it to reach your success? And is that task even tangible?

I want you to start picking up your own language. Because language is the key to whether you will pick up on it and change it or whether you will just go along with it.

Look, I know how precious your time is, and I don’t want to steal if from you, but know this, your language is so much more detailed than just that, and there is something really important that you need to know:

Your Internal Dialogue Is Usually A Lot Worse Than The Language That You’re Using Out Loud

That’s exactly why when I speak to people and they have self-doubt, it is cropping up for them. I know that their internal dialogue is a whole lot worse than what I hear.

Put simply, your internal dialogue serves as a filter through which you see the word. And if your internal dialogue is negative, depressing and fearful, this is how you will see the reality that surrounds you.

But again, we can unbreak these patterns of the language to enable you to actually start believing in yourself or what you’re doing or who you are… more. And stop enabling yourself to be you.

1.    Your Are Influenced By Your Environment

Sometimes (actually pretty often) you are easily influenced by the environment that you live in. It can be the place where you work, the bed from which you need to get up every morning, the kitchen where you eat with your family or your friends, or even the distance between the dinner table and the sink (if the kitchen is far from you and you don’t feel like washing the dishes, you most likely won’t do it)

All these things crop up in the environment. All the surroundings and objects influence your internal dialogue in certain ways. Don’t believe me? Well, think about this:

A common misconception that many people have is the fact that we complete our tasks based on willpower only. But it doesn’t work like that.

How many times have you really wanted to finish a task but something or someone distracted you? Or maybe you just couldn’t focus on what you needed to do?

Look around you, is there anything that can make your tasks more difficult?

• Are you’re working from a space where you’re surrounded by clutter and that’s hindering your ability to do things?
• Or perhaps you’re surrounded by terrible disturbing noise while you prefer to work in silence or vice versa?
• Are you riding in a crowded train every day next to someone’s armpit and thinking: ” Why Am I doing this?”
• Are you sat at your office next to someone that actually is just really annoying?

Your environment is really essential for what you want to achieve. But sometimes you don’t know you need to change it.

But let’s not forget about the people you surround yourself with. You know, your friend or you’re your family can be your biggest support or your biggest hindrance.

They can help you most and they can pull you down quicker than anyone else. Sometimes if they don’t believe in you, you start questioning everything about yourself and in the end… You stop believing in yourself, but hear me now:

You don’t need anyone else to believe in you first. You need to believe in yourself before anyone else will

All these elements of your environment matter. All these elements of who you are matter. And you can make your environment a better place for you.

Before you jump on me saying that you can’t change EVERYTHING in your life, why don’t you start with small things? Like changing your commute:

Can you cycle halfway to your job? Your annoying colleague who you can’t stand are distracting you – ask to move if you know that it will help you. Or maybe it is time to change your job?

Instead of allowing your self-doubt to grow, put yourself in an environment that will help you to grow and make better decisions.

So we have language, we have the environment, what is number three?

1.    It’s You

You heard that right… It’s you! You might be in parts responsible for the self-doubt.

Because to be honest, you will never get rid of self-doubt. Even if you’ve already changed your environment or language patterns (which will make self-doubt easier to regulate), self-doubt will be there in one way shape or form.

But this time you will be ready.

Maybe it is time to ask yourself:

What’s important to you? What are your values? What if those things that you value right now are the projections of your old self?

Life changes and we change. Have your values adapted through the past couple of years?

Look, I’m asking you this for a simple reason: what if what you’re doing right now isn’t actually that important to you?

Because if you don’t look at your values and at what’s important to you, then you’re going to have this friction in life.

So after you finish reading this post, I want you to just write down a list about what’s important to you, in your business, work, life, relationships, family.

And once you finish the list, you will know exactly what needs to be changed and where your self-doubt comes from.

Because if what you are doing right now isn’t in any way helping or supporting your values and what is important to you, tension and friction will lead.

Alright, there you have them, three ways that will help you to understand if you’re allowing your self-doubt to grow.

It isn’t rocket science but there is a lot of depth that I want you to explore over the next couple of days. Let’s make it so that self-doubt moments happen less and less and less, alright?

And that your self-confidence in yourself goes up and up and up. And the self-confidence around you and the people around you and the environment goes up and up and up.

So start today and think about things that are actually important to you. Of course you might feel self-doubt at first, but give it a try. And let me know what you think about this because I’m really excited to just understand more about you. Let me know in the comments below.