3 ways leaders sabotage their own success.

You may be a high achiever but it may surprise you to learn that you could still be sabotaging your own success.

As an executive coach to those in senior leadership roles (And to those aspiring to the C-suite), it is fascinating that often time, the barriers to the next level impact of a leader can come from within (As the famous saying goes - we have met the enemy, it is us !).?

Some of these self-sabotage strategies silently kill the leader's potential to move forward and play a bigger game. So, let's explore the 3 ways you may be getting in your own way and some suggestions on what to do about it.

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So, dear high performers, you’re the ones who set the bar high, chase your dreams with relentless passion, and never settle for less. But sometimes, the very traits that drive your success can also lead to self-sabotaging behaviors that hinder your growth. Let’s dive into three common ways you might be tripping yourself up and explore how you can turn things around.

1. Self-Criticism: Ah, self-criticism. That harsh inner voice that tells you you’re not enough. It might seem like it’s pushing you to be better, but let’s be honest when it becomes relentless and nagging—it’s holding you back. This can be particularly detrimental for high performers because it creates an inner ceiling on growth. Why do we cling to our inner critic for life despite the way it drains the vital life force that allows us to grow and strive? You will be surprised to know why this happens! Research suggests that you may be using self-criticism as a tool of self-protection (who knew !). How ?

• Pre-Emptive Criticism: You sub-consciously think that if you criticize yourself first, you’ll be less hurt when others do. This might feel like control, but it’s actually just undermining your confidence. High performers often use pre-emptive self-criticism as a shield against external judgment. By anticipating and voicing potential criticisms themselves, they attempt to cushion the blow from others' critiques. However, this constant self-criticism chips away at their self-esteem, making them more sensitive to external feedback and less resilient in the face of challenges.
• Avoiding Disappointment: By lowering your own expectations of what you can or can not do, you think you’re protecting yourself from disappointment. But really, you’re just keeping yourself from playing big. High performers set high standards for themselves, but when self-criticism dominates, they may start lowering their ambitions to avoid the pain of not meeting those lofty goals. This protective mechanism might save them from immediate disappointment, but it also prevents them from taking risks that could lead to significant achievements and growth.
• Control and Perfectionism: Striving for perfection feels like control, but since you never reach it, you end up constantly dissatisfied. It also creates an illusion of constant striving, which high performers are very good at. Nothing like a moving goal post to make you feel you are moving forward and working hard just even by the act of self criticism.?
• Protection from Deeper Pain: Self-criticism keeps you busy so you don’t have to deal with deeper issues. It’s a distraction that stops you from truly healing. High performers might use self-criticism to distract themselves from addressing deeper emotional wounds or unresolved traumas. By focusing on their perceived shortcomings, they avoid confronting painful past experiences that require healing. This avoidance prevents them from achieving emotional growth and developing a healthier self-image.
• Trauma Response: Sometimes, this harsh voice isn’t even yours. It’s something you internalized from past traumas or negative feedback. As a trauma informed executive coach, I often see how super harsh voice of caregivers or authority figures can live within us long after that person may have exited our lives. The fact that you can even identify the negative voice is already evidence that the voice is not the authentic you.?

Self-criticism gone out of control can sap away your confidence and worse stop you from enjoying your success (because that internal voice will find a way to be the kill joy in your life no matter what the milestone). Healthy self criticism is not demeaning, it is growth oriented and keeps options open. It helps you see the possibilities not keep you stuck in your inner rumination and frustration about who you are and what you did.

2. Validation and approval from others is a huge priority : The need for social acceptance is deeply rooted in human psychology and evolutionary biology. Research in neuroscience has demonstrated that social approval activates the brain’s reward centers, releasing dopamine and creating feelings of pleasure and belonging. This drive for acceptance was crucial for survival in early human societies, where being part of a group provided protection and resources. Those who do not care about validation or approval at all, are often outcast from the tribe as they lose their ability to filter their actions through the lens of communal connection & group values. In other words there is a balance to be had between “I won’t move forward if it costs me their approval in the slightest” and the other extreme of “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn !” (apologies to Clark Gable in Gone with the wind).?

This pursuit of approval can also sometimes lead to the compromise of personal values and goals, as the fear of disapproval and criticism overrides the desire to take bold actions. Success becomes it’s own enemy because you are afraid to do anything that can dethrone you from the past streak of success. The desire to be liked can create an invisible ceiling, limiting risk-taking and innovation.?

3. Learned Helplessness: Learned helplessness is a psychological condition where a person believes they have no control over their situation, based on past experiences of failure or lack of control. This mindset can be particularly damaging for high performers, creating an inner ceiling that limits growth and potential. A harsh inner voice can reinforce feelings of helplessness. Instead of motivating you, it perpetuates a cycle of self-doubt and inaction.? Past failures can make you believe that future efforts will also fail. This mindset limits your willingness to take on new challenges and opportunities.

Learned helplessness can make you feel stuck and powerless, but breaking free starts with recognizing your own strength and progress.

• Reflection Question: "What past experiences are influencing my current belief in my ability to succeed?"
• Helpful Practice: Incremental Progress Exercise - Set small, achievable goals and track your progress. Celebrate each milestone, no matter how minor. This builds confidence and shows that effort leads to positive outcomes.
• Recommended Reading: "Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life" by Martin E.P. Seligman

As an executive coach, I’ve seen how self-sabotage can hold even the highest performers back. But by tackling these common traps—self-criticism, the desire to be validated, and learned helplessness—you can unlock your true potential. Reflect on your behaviors, implement these helpful practices, and take courageous steps towards your goals. Your success is within reach, and it starts with overcoming the ways you trip yourself up.

Embrace self-compassion, authenticity, and incremental progress. Turn those self-sabotaging behaviors into powerful tools for growth and achievement. You’ve got this!? And if you need an executive coach to help you then reach out.

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