3 Ways Leaders Can Build Compassion in the Workplace (and Why It Matters)

Once upon a time, Ken’s team was the talk of the organization. They were positive, worked hard and delivered more than others. Lately, though, he was doing more yelling than praising and he was at wits end. They were now acting like a crew of teenagers that couldn’t get it together, nor did they want to.

Melanie’s new arrival time was 8:15, instead of 8:00.

Tyrone was constantly making personal calls.

Roman was more interested in tonight’s Golden State Warriors game than this morning’s projects.

Nothing was getting done, and productivity was doing a belly flop into a great big pool of mediocrity, tardiness and indifference.

He had no compassion for any of them. Their problems weren’t his problems, why should he care?

Ken considered firing all of them and starting over with a clean slate of folks who actually wanted to work. He told them so time and time again. But no matter how many times he reprimanded them, the team didn’t seem to get the message. They began to tune him out.

Ken had enough on his plate as it was. “Have any of them tried to run a world class operation with a slacking team?” he thought to himself. “Could they build and run a call center from the ground up in an industry filled with monster competition?”

He didn’t think so.

As far as he was concerned, the team needed to take a step back and realize how lucky they were to have a job in this economy and start acting more like they were interested in keeping it. Those warranty packages weren’t going to sell themselves.

He had had enough of their nonsense.

But Ken’s threats hindered them, rather than inspired them.

Finding the why

Ken knew that this year wasn’t going to end well if things continued, so when Melanie came to work at her new usual 8:15am, he jumped on her. “Why can’t you just get to work on time?” he yelled. Everyone in the office heard his voice and that's how the day started.

As it turns out, Melanie’s babysitter had unexpectedly quit months ago and Melanie had two kids that she had put on the school bus. She couldn’t leave them home alone, so her only option was to be late to work.

Ken then spoke with Tyrone and Roman.

Tyrone had apparently been spending his days on the phone with his family attorney working out the details of his mother’s estate so that she could sign her will before she passed. The doctors had given her 6 weeks to live.

Roman was more interested in basketball than picking up the phone because he was working as a sports writer for the local newspaper on weekends to make ends meet due to his school loans.

While Ken was still slightly angry, he was starting to see what was going on behind the curtain with his folks. He felt like an idiot now. He had no idea what his employees were experiencing because he never asked.

He brought this up in a discussion with his boss who told him about some research he read that showed that “teams” “catch” the emotions of their leaders, so there was no surprise that since Ken was angry, his team was angry (defiant) too. Our brains and bodies react to the feelings of the people around us because we all have a social brain. Neural circuitry like the mirror neuron system operates in emotional contagion. Those systems work automatically, instantly, unconsciously, and out of our intentional control.

On a personal level, he could now empathize with their problems. He knew that sometimes good people fall on bad times. On a professional level, though, he didn’t want to be seen as a pushover.

Ken like many leaders was running under the assumption that being compassionate makes a leader look weak, when in fact the complete opposite is true. Leaders are much more likely to have successful teams if they show compassion (humanity).

How things changed

The first thing Ken did was try to help his employees. He could have fired them all and hired a new team, but his boss suggested he try something else like actually be a leader.

He changed Melanie’s hours. Her new arrival time was 8:30, and she would work 2.5 extra hours on Friday evenings to make up the time when her husband was home to watch the kids.

He gave Tyrone some time off to take care of what he needed to. His productivity was still slightly down, but firing Tyrone and having to train someone else would cost the company a lot more than it would to just give him the time he needed to take care of his family. The research is clear that strong leaders are admired because they chose not to strike back when they could have.

He talked to Roman about working the extra job and gave him an incentive. If he could sell 5 more Heart Starts each week than he had in the past, Ken would raise his commission so that he didn’t need the sports writing job. His boss shared another tidbit with him. There is an ideal ratio between complimenting and correcting with employees. It is 3:1. Three “that a boys” to one critique. All Ken needed to do was find that balance to motivate Roman to do more.

Ken also instituted an open door policy so that if the team had problems at home, they’d be more likely to discuss them with him and find solutions together rather than letting their work suffer.

Being kind and compassionate to his folks and treating them like people rather than subordinates went a long way in boosting their morale and productivity.

The big change in Ken was him now showing some new found humanity. Not only had he been too hard on his team, he’d been hard on himself. Psychologist Kristin Neff found that while many leaders think self-compassion makes them lazy, it actually leads to high achievement.

Compassion + Kindness + Connectivity = Results:

• Meet your folks halfway (when possible) and look for the good even when things aren’t going as well as they should be - showing an interest in difficult times can go a long way to getting cooperation when things get even tougher.
• Balance criticism with praise. If you can catch employees doing something good – let them know immediately. They will be more open to your suggestions in other areas once they realize you have their best interests at heart.
• Look not only at employee’s behaviors, but also their “why”. Why are they asking for extra time off? It is because they want to goof off or do they have a sick child to care for? Considering the reasons for employee requests rather than having strict no-exceptions policies positions you as a fair leader and makes employees want to do a better job for you.

Compassion at work doesn’t make you weak. It makes you a human being.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Devin C. Hughes is a highly sought after international speaker, author, diversity & inclusion muse, mindfulness trainer & leadership coach who works with a variety of leaders, groups, organizations, and teams who have a desire to break down enterprise-wide cultural barriers, improve personal/organizational performance and enhance communication through greater self awareness and understanding of one another. He is the author of 17 books and his approach draws from the science of positive psychology, positive organizational research, appreciative inquiry, neuroscience, mindset and mindfulness.