3 Ways to Get the Gift of Feedback

We often talk about the value of getting feedback and even seek it out because “feedback is a gift”.

Sometimes we need to ask explicitly for that gift.

Merely saying “If you have any feedback, let me know” might not be enough. Here are more focused ways to get feedback:?

1) Ask for both affirming and constructive feedback

Some people might feel awkward about just giving negative feedback. Ask them to give you a piece of affirming, positive and a piece of constructive feedback. For example, when I present to small groups, I ask each person to share one piece of positive, affirming feedback and constructive feedback. For those who might try to get out of the exercise, I let them know that they can only give feedback if they have both kinds of feedback to offer. You can even specify the order you'd like the feedback, like “constructive then positive, so we can end on a high note.”

2) Ask for feedback on something very specific

It can be hard for people to respond to calls for general feedback. In this case, it is helpful to offer a specific question, like, “What did you think about the examples I used? Were they relevant to the topic or did they seem confusing?" These targeted questions can serve as a starting point. Once they answer that question, they might think of other concrete examples. Or they might say, “No, that’s not an issue, but here’s something else for you to think about.”

3) Give them time and space to give you feedback

Some people need more time to process and can't immediately think of feedback on the spot. They might even prefer writing out their feedback instead of telling you directly. When I ask for feedback on a new speech or essay, I sometimes create recordings of me reading the piece along with the script so that people can comment on their own time. Now, some people will only provide feedback in real time. The point is to be aware of different people's feedback giving preferences.?

These tips are focused on seeking feedback, I also have written and created a video on ways to respond to constructive feedback that will ensure people will want to continue to give it to you.

When we actively seek feedback, whether it's in our personal or professional lives, we're making ourselves vulnerable to whoever we're inviting to give us feedback. A by-product is deepening our relationship with that person. When organizational leaders seek constructive criticism, they get to model what they want to learn from others.?

I have been getting lots of “gifts of feedback” lately. My friends and colleagues know that I like to get both Candor and Acknowledgement as my forms of respect. A long-time dream of mine has been to give a TEDx talk and that will happen on Nov. 7 with TEDxBellevueWomen . For the past five weeks, I've been drafting my talk and actively seeking feedback. After 12 major revisions, it has become a lot clearer and more focused.?

In the spirit of seeking feedback, I'm inviting volunteers to listen to me give my

TEDx talk live, over Zoom, in 30-min rehearsal and feedback sessions. Register here if you want to me the gift of feedback.

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