The 3 Truths

The truth will set you free. The problem is, what is the truth?

 This comes up quite a bit when doing relationship work. I have two people sitting in front of me and both are telling me two completely different stories. Sure there are some common facts. But overall, there are huge disparities between the two stories. How can that be? Because truth is not universal. We are dealing with the 3 truths. 

 When I explain this phenomenon, the reaction is almost always the same. A blank look. When two people are explaining their stories, we have to look at the truth. And the truth is that there is her truth, his truth and the truth. {Assuming a heterosexual relationship.} And when looking at it from that perspective, we in most cases are likely to find common ground. And with common ground, we can then start to repair and rebuild the relationship. By focusing on looking for the truth, we don't have to defend our truth. We are looking for "our" truth. That truth that will set us free.

 We don't have to over complicate it. I think we move in the other direction. We try to simplify it. By focusing on a desired outcome, we can then line up action items and move towards resolution. The focus is on what each can do better to support the other in creating "The Truth". We're not looking to blame. We're looking to understand how each other arrived at their truth. By understanding your partners thought patterns, we often sympathize, rather than trying justify our position. By making it a "we" problem and not a "you" problem, we find that more often than not we get buy-in from both parties. 

 It's not that we are looking to dismiss damaging behavior. We are learning to identify behavior that is not in the best interest of advancement of the relationship. By talking to each other and not at each other, we generally see that buy-in which starts the process of unfolding the truth.

 So the next time you should find yourself in a disagreement with your significant other. Try focusing on the 3 truths. It takes all the pressure off needing to be right. The focus is on what is right for the relationship, verses what is right for you. And just because your significant other process's information differently than you do. That doesn't mean they're wrong. Likewise for you. 

 Like that famous line that we all know and love. You can't handle the truth. The fact is that you can. But, you have to be willing to look for it.